What would u suggest

[Pitrus]

I was about to go to sleep but i feel like asking u ppl what would u be doing in my position.

ps: sorry that its so long, im not gone be disapointed if ppl wont read it all the way since i myself dont read posts longer then few sentences.

Im 20 years old emigrant in US. I dont have any perspectives.
Im a blusher what complicates it all. I dont have no life. I came here when i was 16. Have problems with my family. problem expressing my feelings, in addition i have regular suicide thoughts. Cant go to school i want, have problem with the one im in couse i cant stand social situatuins in classes. I started to smoke weed and smoke once in a wile. I used to go to the gym regularly but it worsens my blushing so i quitted even that i loved it. My mother often gives me hard time i know she loves me but she makes me not want to leave my room, i wanted help from her but sometimes she looses it and that she may need help herself what i cant give her since i need it also. My parents also used to argue all the time with each other and grandparents what drives me crazy. I spend most of the time thinking about my life and i come out with a conclusion that i shouldnt be on this world whatsoever. I cant get my life together. I dont know what to do. What is my purpose here. Should i go back to my country which is poland and try to face my life from there what almost for sure would end up in a failure or should i keep going on like that?
I dont go to any docs couse its too expensive and my parents dont even think about helping me. I remember i told her about it few years ago and she quickly forgot about it while i feel that she as a mother should have tried to help me i also told her i was suicidal and she didnt do anything about that neither.
Maybe i should start going to the gym again and try to get it all organized what i really cant do couse i have really hard time organizing my thoughts and all i can do is just be misreable as i am.

I often spend my time thinking about " what the hell is going on around me" I feel like im alone on this world. I also have a problem with my best friend since his life just remindes me of boeing misreable, i cant talk to him since he didnt had a best life neither hes parents left him with his grand grand parents and they were old and didnt tought him about any social things. He is socially normal but he doesnt know alot of things he should know in his age.

Am i crazy ?

 

[abc1234]

Alot of people feel the way that you are feeling.I don't think you are crazy .Its not easy to deal with problems when you can't or choose not to try to seek help weather it be from family/friends or seeing a doctor.But if you are having suicidally thoughts alot it would probably be a good idea to seek some sort of help taking your life would solve nothing.If your family causes you to feel bad tell them.

If you think going back to your country would not help at all then don't go.You are still young you have plenty of time still to get things together.as long as you have hope and try thats really all you can do.I don't know what it is like to have a blushing problem but you shouldn't let hold you back.if going to the gym made you happy and you liked it then you should definitely start going back. hope this could be a little bit of help

 

[Telmari]

Hey Pitrus,

Great post! I think you need to focus on what counts here: What makes YOU happy? Where do you want YOUR life to go? Where do you want to be 5...10...15 years from now, if things could go your own way? If you set your sights on the place you want to be, even if you're not there now, you'll likely go that direction!

I wouldn't worry too much about the blushing thing at the gym. I'm at the gym a few times a week and I always see people blushing there and don't think anything of it, not any more than I'm sure people think of me getting sweaty and all into things too. People just really don't care too much there.

In addition, exercise is generally a mild anti-depressant, so going there may help focus your life or at least your confidence in getting what you would like to out of life.

It sounds like you need some friends as well! Some people to connect to, to go out with on weekends, have fun times with. If you have people who are dragging you down or making you miserable or reminding you of past life problems or failures, it's probably best to distance yourself from them so you can concentrate on plowing a new road ahead.

I wish the best for your success - keep us updated on what happens.

-T