Hello Autumn! Your post was very moving to me. I myself am very shy and still searching for some inner peace, still trying not to be jealous of other people's being talkative and witty while I'm not. I have my better moments like this one now when I cocentrate only on myself, am glad with myself and those ones verging on profound despair. Some time ago I was left broken-hearted, because, I think, I wasn't talkative and sociable enough. I've been trying to explain to myself why did it have to happen like that, how would it be if I wasn't like that, and that sort of thing. I still pretend that everything is ok, well isn't, but I've learned a lot about myself, namely that I myself wouldn't mind spending life with a person who doesn't speak a lot, on the contrary, I'd like to meet a person, with whom I could listen to Schubert (classical music always helps me in those bad moments, I hotly recommend it to you, if you're not familiar with it, it teaches how to build your self-esteem, it's not simply 'some music') and not necessarily talk in the meantime, only to be with each other. In the company of overtalkative people I feel lost, they usually do not listen to you at all, they're are laughing and making jokes only to laugh and only to make jokes, they usually don't even know what they are actually laughing at, they do it only for the act of laughing, as if it was some sport. Yes, they have tons of friends, but none of them cares really for each other. If one of them had some serious problem or talk about some serious issue all the friends would disappear at once. Well, I don't want to be one of them, I'd rather still be alone. Perhaps I sound like I was an embittered person, but I believe most of what I say is true. You are very lucky to have this one friend of yours.
It's really beatiful the way you care for your son, you must be a very good and carrying father. My father is shy too, and I often asked myself why for God's sake with all those good qualities did I have to inherit shyness from my father, I was angry for that, but with time I've become aware that it depends on me how I'm going to work on it, what am I going to do about it, and that my father always wants the best for me, and gave me the best thing possible - life, thanks to which I can cope with all those hard situations and overtalkative people
, and it's beatiful. So if you can, talk about it with your son and be there whenever he needs you, he will surely appreciate it, you will even not have to talk then.
I am still very nervous when I talk to people and public perfomances are usually real disasters, but I've noticed one imortant thing - the more I laugh the more people I have around me. When I talk to people I start asking questions, when they speak about themselves I ask more and more questions and timidly insert some information about me - it works, and with time I've become less afraid to talk even more and more about me. So keep smiling and do not worry, thus everything will be all right. I don't know if I've helped you but I've tried and care for you, don't forget about it
P.S. Sorry for my English
