*hug* I'm sorry to hear that you're in a bad place right now :/ unfortunately... No amount of advice I give you is going to change how you feel, I don't think. YOU have to change your way of thinking. YOU have to go out and find something to live for. It may not be easy but the journey will be worth it (cheesy, yeah yeah). Keep trying
Right now I'm working and although the job is nothing to live for (retail, :crying

, it's the future that IS worth living for. I want to travel. Does travelling interest you? Just something to think about

hang in there.