I have been diagnosed OCD and Bipolar. I have had about 20 psychiatric hospitalizations since age 17. Around 17 I got into many arguements with my parents and "rebelled" against them (they are hardcore Christians) by becoming an Atheist. The past 5 years of my life have been thrown away and have been a living hell. The root of all my internal conflict is thinking I am a horrible person. At age 17 I began to struggle with intrusive thoughts of stabbing/running over/killing people spontaneously for no reason. I eventually overcame that obsession and realised it was pointless. At age 19 I began to think I would grab and molest small children. I actually don't feel that way anymore, but I have a new obsession that I might molest teenage girls. I am satisfied with women sexually, but when I see a young girl I feel like I have no choice but to molest/hurt them. I pretty much stay in my room all day and think I am posessed by demons. I have no desire to interact with my family. I just ****ing hate my life and I would kill myself if it wasn't for the fear of going to hell. I feel like I can't ****ing breathe.
What the **** is wrong with me?
- Thread starter frogger
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Kustamogen
Banned
should definitely check into some sorta clinic/mental rehabilitation centre IMO
I don't think I am normal. I am really not scarred of anything except being a bad person and possibly going to hell for living a life of sin. I drive wrecklessly and drink heavily not caring if my life is ended or shotened, but I don't want to hurt others. I feel cornered by my thoughts and unable to enjoy life. If everyone is like this, I don't know why anyone bothers to live.
But I thought you were atheist?
I suppose i'm not sure anymore. Maybe I need God and that's why I am misserable?
No way, it seems like fear of hell is making you obsess enough! There are many atheists who are happy - maybe realizing that there are no such thing as sins will take the edge off?
I just feel so helpless...I guess I may as well become a Christian again. It's not like I have anything positive to contribute to this world in the state i'm in. My soul died a long time ago and I have been empty inside. Might as well accept God, fake my way through life like everyone else and not have to suffer through hell in the afterlife as well as this one.