Thelema
Well-known member
I think I've found the exact moment when I started having SA. I wasn't sure if I was going to post the whole story but why the heck not? Before this happened I was a normal kid.
I was around 8 or 10 and it was a nice suny summer day. I was in a ditch across from the house. I was hiding in the ditch and made a little fort there, I was sitting on some pieces of wood I found and hiding in the tall grass shooting at things with one of those little guns that has a cap that makes a popping noise when you fire it. I was just shooting at random things when a jeep came fast down the road and I was hiding and I shot at it while it passed. The Jeep stopped and backed up and the guy driving it said something like " what the hell was that?" I said something like "it was just my gun" and I tried to show him by firing it but it wouldn't fire! As I was trying to show him my face turned red and my heart felt like it would explode and adrenaline was flowing with tears in my eyes. He eventualy said " Do that again and I'll call the police." and then sped off. My mom came running up just as the Jeep drove off and yelled something like "what the hell are you doing to my kid?" and I remember running up to her with my gun in my hand crying as hard as a kid could cry being scared worse than I've ever been scared since.
I just made the connection a few minutes ago. I get the EXACT some feelings as I did that day when ever I interact with a person I don't know or hardly know.
Just thinking about that moment makes me sad and scared.
How do I get over this moment that happened so long ago? If I do will I get rid to some extent my SA?
I was around 8 or 10 and it was a nice suny summer day. I was in a ditch across from the house. I was hiding in the ditch and made a little fort there, I was sitting on some pieces of wood I found and hiding in the tall grass shooting at things with one of those little guns that has a cap that makes a popping noise when you fire it. I was just shooting at random things when a jeep came fast down the road and I was hiding and I shot at it while it passed. The Jeep stopped and backed up and the guy driving it said something like " what the hell was that?" I said something like "it was just my gun" and I tried to show him by firing it but it wouldn't fire! As I was trying to show him my face turned red and my heart felt like it would explode and adrenaline was flowing with tears in my eyes. He eventualy said " Do that again and I'll call the police." and then sped off. My mom came running up just as the Jeep drove off and yelled something like "what the hell are you doing to my kid?" and I remember running up to her with my gun in my hand crying as hard as a kid could cry being scared worse than I've ever been scared since.
I just made the connection a few minutes ago. I get the EXACT some feelings as I did that day when ever I interact with a person I don't know or hardly know.
Just thinking about that moment makes me sad and scared.
How do I get over this moment that happened so long ago? If I do will I get rid to some extent my SA?