What can I do....

[pm2]

My first post here...

I'm an 18 year old male, about 1/2 way through my freshman year in college. I've been dealing with this social anxiety thing probably since about 8th grade or so, so about 5 years. This past September I was diagnosed with depression, and have been on Wellbutrin since October, and I can feel it work (ie, I'm no longer thinking of how good it would feel to put a bullet through my head.) I think now that I'm getting a grip on the depression, I may be facing the underlying problem, which I feel is SA.

Anyway, all through high school I never really made any friends. I was friendly with people, and got along with most everybody, but never really had any meaningful relationship with anyone - hardly ever talked to anyone outside of school. Definitely never had anything close to a girlfriend. So I survived high school, and am now in college, and am having a more difficult time surviving.

I'm living in a dorm, which I really can't complain about. I get along fine with my roommate, and pretty much everyone else on the floor. Though I'm still really not making friends. I don't like going to parties, or even small get-togethers. Part of it is that I don't drink (doesn't seem like a good idea, given the mixture of depression and anti-depressants), but I can't even enjoy myself in alcohol-free situations. There have been times when I've worked up the courage to actually go somewhere with some guys on my floor, and I couldn't enjoy myself. It really kind of pisses me off - there's absolutely no reason I shouldn't enjoy these situations - just hanging out, nothing bad happening, but I just *can't* enjoy it.

I've tried the "just tell society just to fuck it" mentality, but the thing is, I really want to enjoy myself with these people. They're great people, and there's really no reason I shouldn't be enjoying myself, and feeling comfortable. I'd really rather be out having fun on a Friday night instead of sitting in my room reading or pretending to do homework.

Everyone's saying that these are supposed to be the best years of my life, and I really don't want to waste them, but it seems like there's nothing I can do about it. I don't think I'm asking too much - at this point, I don't care about sex, having a girlfriend, etc - I just want to be able to have fun with some friends - how come I can't fucking do that?!?!

I'm also worried about the next school year, and whether I should live on my own. I really don't think that's a good idea, but I have no idea on how to find a roommate....

I'm sorry if this is a rant, but I really just wanted to get this off my chest. I don't know if I should be looking for a solution, if there is a solution, or what.

 

[Moonie]

Freshmen year of college was somewhat difficult. I am in my final year of college but I really haven't made any close friends or anything. I do feel like my social skills, in some areas, have improved though. I feel like you will find this to be true as well.

Like you, I find it hard to enjoy myself in social situations without drinking. I've come to rely on drinking to get me through nerve wrecking times. It has come to a point where alcohol has just got me into trouble and made me feel foolish. I want to really find other ways to make me feel good.

For me, I felt most confident when I was working out and eating healthy. I didn't drink much at the time, but still had a natural high.

I'd suggest to keep trying and accept these social invitations. You will probably become more comfortable with these people if you have more exposure to them. Some people may not be so patient or accepting, but don't worry much about them. Those who are willing to get to know you, are the true gems