was it isolation or anxiety that came first??

[carebear]

I think i just found out my whole problem. I was isolated as child..I have never liked being around other people..I can't even remember the last time I actually enyoyed someone's compay besides maybe my best friend (who seems absen phsycologically half of the timebecause of her learning disability and other issues) I don't listen to other people very well..in fact I hardly hear what they are saying because I am so concentrated on myself and what others are/may be thinkng about me. I always thought I was just being selfish but now I know I just don't have an interest in other people!!


does anyone else feel this way or relate to what I am saying at all??

 

[cLavain]

Re: was isolation or anxiety that came first??

does anyone else feel this way or relate to what I am saying at all??

Why would you ask us that if you don't care? :wink:

Anyway, yeah, I think that it's harder to engage in other people's problems when you feel that your own problems are literally killing you. It is strange, but often I am more deeply moved by movies or books than real life stories...

 

[LA-girl]

Carebear wrote:

I always thought I was just being selfish but now I know I just don't have an interest in other people!!

Isn't being selfish just that? Not having an interest in or caring about other people??

And also I think it would be hard to get pure social phobia if you don't care so much about other people and how they judge you...
I mean if you don't like the company of others to start with it would not have any serious consequence or impact on your life if you got anxious around others since you prefer to be alone...
What then triggers your anxiety around other people you think?

 

[GIOLANDA]

Isolation can bring anxiety or anxiety can bring isolation. But your post confuses me a bit. You say that you were concentrated on yourself and didn't care about others. Then why did you care about what they would think about you? These things don't match. If you wonder what they think about you,then you want to be with them. Maybe you care about them after all and you are just too shy to show it,or even understand it! Question yourself,what do you want from people? If you really don't care about them,then as the other members said to you,anxiety doesn't fit.

 

[thequietone]

I think can relate to this, carebear....It is easier sometimes to say, screw this, I just don't care about people. I went through a whole year of that. I was just so tired of trying to please everyone that I completely gave up, didn't try to initiate conversations, didn't try to get better because I felt like it wasn't worth the effort, felt like I wasn't worth the effort and neither was anyone else.
It is also hard to differentiate whether you're anxious or if you don't like something. The two go hand in hand for me. If something makes me anxious, I avoid it, simple as that. It's hard to enjoy someone's company when your insides are twisted in knots!
It hurts less to build up your shell, I know. It hurts less to let apathy take you over, but the only reason people do that in the first place is because they care too much. Being alone is a choice, but you have to ask yourself would this really make me happy in the long run? Just hang in there, carebear. Don't let the emotional pain you're experiencing change who you really are.

 

[Jack-B]

Carebear,

That is not the problem.

Because we dont correctly identify the problem, we search and search and anyalise our self for why we are the way we are.

The problem is: a state of mind you experience which causes you to lose control, it confuses your thinking and so you develop mistaken views about your self and other people. This is the mind of anxiety. It makes us scared of the world.

You may have been isolated as a child and may not have learnt to deal with certain states of minds and feelings. Anxiety is one of them. It continues to infect your way of thinking, it is the primary reason you doubt your self, think bad of your self, think bad of others etc.

You dont have interest in other people because the mind of anxiety brings unpleasant feelings so you would rather avoid people, you associate them with bad feeling, you may even blame them for how you feel about your self. So you stop listening. You'd rather listen to your self.

Because the mind of anxiety is a problem, whenever you experience it, you identify with it as "me". So you listen to it, it says "dont trust others, get away from them, they make you feel bad" and it attacks you aswell by destroying your confidence. This is wrong. Stop listening to your mind when you are anxious and just remember you can choose happiness.

Jack

 

[Quixote]

Re: was isolation or anxiety that came first??

I often feel like I'm not interested in getting to know anybody. It could simply be that, subconsciously, I'm afraid of having anxious reactions if I try to - but often I really feel like it would simply not be interesting to have a conversation with anybody that I don't already know. It's not a real lack of interest though, as I obviously do enjoy human company. It's a tendency to negative expectations, that is, something like that.

Anyway, yeah, I think that it's harder to engage in other people's problems when you feel that your own problems are literally killing you. It is strange, but often I am more deeply moved by movies or books than real life stories...

I used to be a very enthusiastic reader until a few years ago, but now I have all but stopped completely. The fact is, whether you pick a 19th century classic or the latest best-seller, there is almost invariably some guy intent in dealing with some issues which ultimately, broadly speaking, involve social life (love in a good 60% of cases). As mine is progressively approaching the level of zero, I find it somewhat difficult to relate to and symphatize with the characters or the author
Same goes for movies...

 

[cLavain]

Re: was isolation or anxiety that came first??

I used to be a very enthusiastic reader until a few years ago, but now I have all but stopped completely. The fact is, whether you pick a 19th century classic or the latest best-seller, there is almost invariably some guy intent in dealing with some issues which ultimately, broadly speaking, involve social life (love in a good 60% of cases). As mine is progressively approaching the level of zero, I find it somewhat difficult to relate to and symphatize with the characters or the author
Same goes for movies...

I know what you mean, actually. I usually avoid feel-good fiction as I can't relate at all. But maybe The Old Man and the Sea is for you? As far as I remember, there's only one man and a fish in that one. I hope you don't feel social anxiety in the company of marine animals? At least there's no pressure to make conversation!