wanting to leave home

[InnerStorm]

Hi, I'm awful at these forum things, I register then never post thinking that I just sound stupid but I really need to vent right now.

I'm 26 years old, live in london with my parents and my 20 year old sister is currently home from uni for the summer, I find living at home tough enough as it is as I can't talk to my parents at all and feel like I'm not even a member of the family but with my sister home I feel it's a hundred times worse.

She's so selfish and egotistical, she's such a cliche of a 'student', does not work, sleeps in all day, drinks all night and acts like a spoiled little brat. She sulks, makes snide little comments about me not working and having no friends, calls me a loser and tells me I have no life. This week my parents have gone away and it's just been me and her and we've argued over the fact that she constantly goes out drinking until all hours and then wakes me up when she comes in, she stomps around, turns on lights, doens't even try not to wake me. Last night she called at midnight asking if her friend could stay at our house - only phoning because she hadn't brought a key assuming I would stay up to let her in, she said to leave the keys in the letterbox (making me imagine all sorts of improbable scenerios where a mad axe-man would someone know they were there and find them!), of course I didn't want to but then thought that it probably wasn't safe to let her friend go home by herself that late so grudgingly agreed asking her to be quiet when she came in.

Of course she wasn't, came in at one o'clock talking really loudly, turning on hall, landing and bathroom lights - which floods my bedroom with light and makes it impossible for me to sleep which she knows - and then instead of going to bed they stayed up for four hours, talking really loudly, making lots of noise and even deciding to cook dinner for themselves in the kitchen. I had no chance of sleeping and when at five o'clock they decided to go to bed, they turned on all the bedroom lights and talked as loudly as if they had the house to themselves. I was bursting to go out and tell them to be quiet but of course felt I couldn't as I didn't have the confidence to say it in front of her friend.

I slept three hours. This morning my sister did leave to go on a trip for four days and coming downstairs I found empty beer cans and vodka bottles everywhere which they obviously bought on their way home - so they had no intention of going to bed as soon as they came in, they planned to stay up drinking all hours, knowing I'd hate it and it'd keep me up. She's coming back in four days and I don't think I can handle it. My parents still won't be back so she feels she 'has the house to herself' and can do whatever she wants - not that my parents would tell her off, my mum thinks she's the fun daughter and I'm the boring one who has no life - she makes me feel like crap, last night I was crying into my pillow because this just isn't a home. I barely speak to my parents and constantly feel like I'm on the verge of being thrown out.

God, I've rambled on and it probably hasn't made any sense. But it's just I've always thought that if only I could move somewhere where I could genuinely be myself and have actual friends I'd be okay but I have no idea where that is and I constantly seem to be at odds with the world which seems like such a harsh place, I just feel like I don't belong anywhere. I hate the city with it's cold people and grey buildings, but with no money at all and no self-confidence how can I ever leave

 

[Jedie]

hi i know how youre feeling as its the same for me. my parents are no support i actually think they want me to be depressed and down. always calling me a loser etc. i just wish i could move and i know id be alot better off without their stupid comments that put me down.

 

[boro]

Wow, i'd hate to have a sister like that. Maybe you should try to make the point to her that you are not a loser, that instead you are someone with a crippling disability - a sufferer of SA disorder, that having no friends/work/prospects is not a result of your overall personality but the result of a small niggling little part of it that refuses to go away, which you are obviously aware of and presumably taking steps to do something about. Her opinion of you has probably arisen not from who you really are but from who you appear to be due to your lack of self expression through having social anxiety, so don't take it personally.

 

[robbied84]

Innerstorm your sister sounds really horrible! 8O

You live in London - it's so expensive here, isn't it?! Have you thought about moving out of London?

I'm hoping to move up North soon. It's so much cheaper.

 

[lifes_to_long]

be positive I've got a sister that does the same thing and i always feel like I'd love to have that freedom I live in the centre of bristol and i feel like theres no where for me to go im either in the centre of a big city or locked in my house and i know which feels safer.Its easy to get frustrated.aAnd it sounds like you've had alot of people undermining which is really bad conditioning and so easy to believe it yourself we all do it and you need to start taking charge telling yourself what deep down you know is true and somewhere along the line has been over ridden by others opinionsYou are who you think you.If your sister told you you were a loser and you didnt think you were a loser.Would it bother you.you need to change what you think about yourself.
good luck and be strong.oli

 

[blubs]

Cheaper up North?? Then why am I so very poor! 8O

Your sister does sound selfish...but most people are. Try not to take offence about it...she's only doing her own thing.
It's hard when you feel that you're being compared to her. I have always been the same in that my sister is the 'good' one...and I'm the 'pants' one.
But if your parents put that devide between you it's their fault...not yours....or your sisters.
If you think you'd be happier living away from your family...why not look into ways of doing it...if you're unhappy...what have you got to loose??

 

[robbied84]

Haha blub, seriously I've been looking into it over the last couple of months and a property in say Hertfordshire (where I live) will cost TRIPLE as much as in Derbyshire!! It's really shocking and I don't know why, London is the worst place imaginable. :idea: The last place I rented was £300 a month and that's near London, it was a box. Up north it would be half that.

 

[carebear]

I Wonder if moving out would really help sa though..doesn't it get lonely without people (even your parents and siblings)?

i am curious...how are you all doing who are living alone?? i want to move out too but the sa makes me fearful of doing eveything. ..

 

[blubs]

Haha blub, seriously I've been looking into it over the last couple of months and a property in say Hertfordshire (where I live) will cost TRIPLE as much as in Derbyshire!! It's really shocking and I don't know why, London is the worst place imaginable. :idea: The last place I rented was £300 a month and that's near London, it was a box. Up north it would be half that.

You should move Up North We have proper scenery...mountains and everything 8)

I was wondering...for people in the UK...does anyone think it makes a difference to your SA which part of the country you live in??
Northerners pride themselves on being friendlier than Southerners...but I feel sometimes that that makes it harder...as if you're not friendly...(which is hard with SA)...then people can turn quite nasty around here.
I was wondering if it was any easier in other areas...where maybe people are generally a bit more stand-offish?