thewildsucker
Member
recently i'v realized of flawed "life" itself is, i had had a glimpse of it and theorically i was prepared for this, but eventually reality proved to be "plan-proof".
it doesn't matter what you do, how strong and foolproof the plans you make are, if something "is to go the wrong way", it will.
i meant to finish my studies and flee from the hellish country i live in, but every "promised land" revealed to be just a different pattern of issues and problems, especially for someone who wants to come there as an immigrant (qualified, tho).
i meant to set myself up by my 30s, but now it's impossible. i'll have to travel abroad until i will just look back and think how much time i have wasted for such a basic goal in one's life.
i hate to waste time in ephemeral actions which have an end in themselves. what's the point in being a spinning top around the world only to satisfy other people needs and never you own?
but it seems to be the only way to become indipendent and accepted in the world of work.
people like me can't live their lives. they walk a path designed merely by the work itself and the economics behind it.
some people are doomed at birth, they grow up with certain dreams and perspectives and just can't please themselves with some makeshift solution.
there's no way to win at this game, for some of us. it doesn't matter if society doesn't tell you "you are a loser" through people's childish behaviour/ *******-ness. life does this part very easily, unless you fly low.
if you fly damn low it will be definitely easier, despite it could mean just to live a mediocre life, building up rage and frustration as you see the lucky ones having what you cannot have.
and it's not even like you didn't try, it's just that you can't have it, cause it's you. period.
under this new light i've decided to head to the closer drug-tolerant nation (winking at holland), get a job (i'm studying at uni, i'm not just throwing myself into the fray) and when everything will start to suck (becuase it will, i signed the sucker contract long ago) at least i will have a long (maybe) lasting and anesthetized life.
any better suggestion? i lack a wide range of perspectives in this moment.
it doesn't matter what you do, how strong and foolproof the plans you make are, if something "is to go the wrong way", it will.
i meant to finish my studies and flee from the hellish country i live in, but every "promised land" revealed to be just a different pattern of issues and problems, especially for someone who wants to come there as an immigrant (qualified, tho).
i meant to set myself up by my 30s, but now it's impossible. i'll have to travel abroad until i will just look back and think how much time i have wasted for such a basic goal in one's life.
i hate to waste time in ephemeral actions which have an end in themselves. what's the point in being a spinning top around the world only to satisfy other people needs and never you own?
but it seems to be the only way to become indipendent and accepted in the world of work.
people like me can't live their lives. they walk a path designed merely by the work itself and the economics behind it.
some people are doomed at birth, they grow up with certain dreams and perspectives and just can't please themselves with some makeshift solution.
there's no way to win at this game, for some of us. it doesn't matter if society doesn't tell you "you are a loser" through people's childish behaviour/ *******-ness. life does this part very easily, unless you fly low.
if you fly damn low it will be definitely easier, despite it could mean just to live a mediocre life, building up rage and frustration as you see the lucky ones having what you cannot have.
and it's not even like you didn't try, it's just that you can't have it, cause it's you. period.
under this new light i've decided to head to the closer drug-tolerant nation (winking at holland), get a job (i'm studying at uni, i'm not just throwing myself into the fray) and when everything will start to suck (becuase it will, i signed the sucker contract long ago) at least i will have a long (maybe) lasting and anesthetized life.
any better suggestion? i lack a wide range of perspectives in this moment.