I'm so alone and unhappy. I have a long distance relationship with a girl who is 500 miles away from me and I miss seeing her so much. We still talk everyday but its not the same as actually being there. It's kind of sad to think that she is the only person who keeps me in touch with humanity. If it wasn't for her, I think that there may be several days that pass without me even speaking. I don't even know why she dates me. She's probably a 7.5-8 and I'm maybe a 5. I think I was just in the right place at the right time.
Today after class, I felt a strong desire to just erupt into tears. It was my career development class and I wanted to talk to our guest speaker about networking after the class. I was walking out of my row and just as I was about to turn in his direction to address him, I felt that anxious rush of adrenaline and turned away. I am a failure. This was made worse by seeing the groups of people outside of my classroom in the hall and outside, all laughing and joking in groups, talking about weekend plans, so easily... Since high school I have made one friend and that's my current girlfriend. If she leaves me I would probably go postal.
At the same time my family is very successful and career oriented. I'm supposed to be getting internships and looking for jobs but I can barely talk to the people at career fairs without showing visible signs of nervousness. It's just so much pressure and I don't know what to do. I'm terrified of networking. The only positive thing in my life is my high GPA, but even that won't help me when interviewers realize that I am socially retarded within 30 seconds of meeting me.
I'm so desperate for someone that I've been joining dating sites and looking at craigslist casual encounters... like how ****ed up is that. God, what is wrong with me. It's absolutely insane to think that I was popular in HS and now my life has just collapsed. I wish I would get hit by a bus.
Today after class, I felt a strong desire to just erupt into tears. It was my career development class and I wanted to talk to our guest speaker about networking after the class. I was walking out of my row and just as I was about to turn in his direction to address him, I felt that anxious rush of adrenaline and turned away. I am a failure. This was made worse by seeing the groups of people outside of my classroom in the hall and outside, all laughing and joking in groups, talking about weekend plans, so easily... Since high school I have made one friend and that's my current girlfriend. If she leaves me I would probably go postal.
At the same time my family is very successful and career oriented. I'm supposed to be getting internships and looking for jobs but I can barely talk to the people at career fairs without showing visible signs of nervousness. It's just so much pressure and I don't know what to do. I'm terrified of networking. The only positive thing in my life is my high GPA, but even that won't help me when interviewers realize that I am socially retarded within 30 seconds of meeting me.
I'm so desperate for someone that I've been joining dating sites and looking at craigslist casual encounters... like how ****ed up is that. God, what is wrong with me. It's absolutely insane to think that I was popular in HS and now my life has just collapsed. I wish I would get hit by a bus.
