"Ugly" comments scarred me for life

[Flo]

I know all people have had negative comments made toward them at one time or another, but I feel like my over-sensitivity to what ppl have said about me causes the anxiety and fear of more... Middle and high school were the worst (my brother calling me fat and pig and fat pig, other guys calling me "dogface", ppl starting rumors about me, saying i'm too fat and ugly to date, and so much more than that), but now I find myself (at 26 years old!) still too afraid to go to bars and clubs b/c i'm usually the "ugly chick" in the group, obsessing over my face and make-up before I go to work, and getting so depressed over my ugliness that I don't want to leave the house... It's total BS when your parents or other adults tell you "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" b/c words can maim and break a person's confidence and spirit... The outgoing, strong-willed girl I used to be is LONG GONE and has been replaced w/ an abused, depressed, un-confident woman who knows better but still can't get those thoughts out of her mind... DON'T BE LIKE ME... know your worth, how great you are, the possibilities you have, noone else can make you see how important you are until you start to see it yourself.

I wish I had more words of encouragement, but rite now...

 

[this_portrait]

I was picked on, made fun of, and called names, but I never got anything about being ugly.

However, there were many times when I felt as if the other kids thought I looked ugly because of their rude comments. I also sort of felt that way in high school, too, because hardly any guy ever asked me out or even to go to a school dance.

So even though no one ever called me ugly, I sometimes felt that way because I was treated like sh*t.

 

[anxiousnut]

but now I find myself (at 26 years old!) still too afraid to go to bars and clubs b/c i'm usually the "ugly chick" in the group, obsessing over my face and make-up before I go to work, and getting so depressed over my ugliness that I don't want to leave the house... It's total BS when your parents or other adults tell you "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" b/c words can maim and break a person's confidence and spirit... The outgoing, strong-willed girl I used to be is LONG GONE and has been replaced w/ an abused, depressed, un-confident woman who knows better but still can't get those thoughts out of her mind...QUOTE]

Yeah, Flo, I feel exactly like you. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, and yet it does. I always feel like the "ugly chick" that guys probably snicker about behind my back. And it's kind of confirmed when i'm out with a friend, and the guys talk to them and blatantly ignore me...ugghh. I've never even had a BF and i'm 23!!!

 

[anxiousnut]

How do you do the quote thing...i'm a retard and obviously didn't do it right haha

 

[anxiousnut]

Barry 1979--I'm from Florence, ky

 

[Flo]

but now I find myself (at 26 years old!) still too afraid to go to bars and clubs b/c i'm usually the "ugly chick" in the group, obsessing over my face and make-up before I go to work, and getting so depressed over my ugliness that I don't want to leave the house... It's total BS when your parents or other adults tell you "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" b/c words can maim and break a person's confidence and spirit... The outgoing, strong-willed girl I used to be is LONG GONE and has been replaced w/ an abused, depressed, un-confident woman who knows better but still can't get those thoughts out of her mind...QUOTE]

Yeah, Flo, I feel exactly like you. I know I shouldn't let it bother me, and yet it does. I always feel like the "ugly chick" that guys probably snicker about behind my back. And it's kind of confirmed when i'm out with a friend, and the guys talk to them and blatantly ignore me...ugghh. I've never even had a BF and i'm 23!!!

u kno, its kind of funny...i've always hung out w/ the "pretty girls" n never got talked to, but finding out later, they weren't prettier than me...just easier... b/c i was so insecure, it would take more conversation to get to know me as opposed to the other girls i would go out w/... idk wht tht means abt those girls, other than that i've been told they were good for one nighters, but for me, it still made me feel bad at the time and doesnt make going out now any easier... did that make any sense?

 

[ShutUpKid]

I think my SA is the result of tons of little cruel things said to me over time. My mom is extremely critical so I grew up not being able to do anything right and as a result, I'm afraid everyone else thinks the way my mother did and nothing I ever do will be ok.

wow thats me exactly.

 

[Harleyq]

u kno, its kind of funny...i've always hung out w/ the "pretty girls" n never got talked to, but finding out later, they weren't prettier than me...just easier... b/c i was so insecure, it would take more conversation to get to know me as opposed to the other girls i would go out w/... idk wht tht means abt those girls, other than that i've been told they were good for one nighters, but for me, it still made me feel bad at the time and doesnt make going out now any easier... did that make any sense?

Yeah, most guys looking to get girls in a club are hoping to take her home so they go for the easier ones.

I once heard guys talking about how sometimes they scheme to get girls by picking out the prettiest or hardest-to-lay girl, and then asking all her friends to dance so that she'll feel ugly and self conscious. That way when one of them finally does talk to her, her self esteem will be so low that she'll be more consenting due to the attention. That's pretty lowball, if you ask me.

I think you should feel proud. You probably come off as a lady with substance so you have a natural douche repellent lol. And you're definitely not ugly.

 

[theslowesthand]

Try try to summarize some of this stuff...

"Don't even remember being so cruel" --> didn't THINK they were being that cruel (as thick-skinned, not (over)-sensitive like us social phobics)

"Just some sign that they've grown up and realized that what they said was wrong" --> BUT if still as thick-skinned, then STILL WON'T realise

"Some people just have a complete lack of tact" --> ie rude (but not necessarily purposley)

Young people tend to grossly exaggerate in their thinking & words & actions (simply because their minds/brains are still not fully (or anywhere near!?) developed, & :. still see world very much like a computer - in 1s/0s, black/white .. no greys - but computers have their usages!)


Things which allow "dangerous" words/actions to occur: self-deception, avoiding guilt, sociopathy, thick-skinned/insenstitive, being young, ..


1: "THE ATTACK/ACTION" - THEIR initial words/actions
Is what it is (essentially just meaningless words, so "words can never/not hurt you" is partly true - just COULD trigger a chain-reaction which COULD result in a hurtful emotional reaction in you - but not necessartily WILL)
At this stage, neither cruel, nor rude, nor impolite, nor lacking tact, etc


2: "THE REACTION" - YOUR thoughts about THEIR words/actions
Happens in "blink of eye", usually below your awareness (ie at subconscious level). So it SEEMS as if your feelings (below) are directly triggered by the "event"
STILL neither cruel, nor rude,...


3: "THE REACTION" - YOUR feelings about YOUR thoughts (about AND NOT ABOUT THEIR words/actions)
It is at this stage where you suffer the actual results of "event", & at which point you may now categorise as a degree along this continuim:
Cruelty <---> Rudeness <---> Lacking tact
(ie it is HERE that you are first aware that the action is unsubtle/cruel/whatever)



To work on ... your thoughts/ideas are welcome!

 

[Mikefly]

Yeah sure ive had ugly comments said all the time when i was a kid, but you just have to stand up for yourself and don't let anyone get the best of you. Just try to imagine why they are saying it , it's really there problem not yours.

 

[zlench]

Yep I got a lot of comments when I was youger which has effected my confidence. But I know now if I get any comment I just tell them where to stick it! I am now regaining my confidence and self believe.