Tried to kill myself

[FourLuckySpades]

Simple as that.

I only have a couple of friends, or at least people who don't hate me or think I'm a fag, and I can't even hang out with them much because they hang out with the people who hate me/dislike me/ think im a fag the most who constantly tell me to get the fuck away. Most people either see me as a fag, geek, weird, or ennoying kid because I used to be in gr.7 because I skipped a grade and was the steriotipical weird kid. I changed at the beggining of gr.8 by losing 40 pounds, changing my personality, abonding the old geek personality, and basically become normal. Started hanging out with a group that had a couple of people who were friendly with me, except one guy who hated/dislike me because I was in his T.A./Home Room in gr.7. Now everyone in that group except for two people hate me/think I'm a fag, either because of this one guy or they disliked me off the start. Everyone else in the school either thinks I'm weird, geeky, ennoying, or a fag, or they don't know me, but would become the rest of the people if they began to.

I was just about to do it (not going to tell how i was planning, but it was death if done.) but I stopped, and kept telling myself to do it. In the end my mother caught me before I could.

The school is informed of the situation and that I'm very depressed because I tried to end my life (the school doesn't know that I tried to kill myself, just that I'm depressed.) but I've made sure they don't do anything (talk to anyone whos giving me trouble, etc.)

My sister is the exacte opposite of me, being popular, athletic, tons of friends, good at everything, etc. and has gotten her guy friends in high school to come over to the school to either beat up or intimidate the one guy who's giving me the most trouble if he gives me anymore trouble. These guys are also some of the most popular people at the high school, so I've got a straight ticket through high school without froshing since they're on my side.

I might be going to a school that is very high in acceptance and only accepts highly artistic or high graded people (still a public school) next year too, and since i skipped a grade I might do gr.8 over again. This school is 30 minutes farther away though and no one I knows goes to it.

So my choices are as follows:

Continue going to school feeling depressed, and go to this school next year:

Drop out of school and feel even weirder, even if I'm not going into the whole depressing school situation, and go to this other school next year:

Continue going to school feeling depressed, gr.9 it might pick up, or it might not, and go through high school with a bunch of people in gr.12 looking out for me in gr.10.

What are your thoughts?

 

[sabbath92001]

School isn't worth it. I dropped out when I was 15, took a GED test at 16 and had an A.S. degree in programming at 18. Try Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), after 40 years of Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) and depression it's what has helped me the most. It's available in cheap self-help workbooks (about $15 each). The latest one is called "The Worry Trap".

 

[SocialRetahd]

Good Enough Diploma

 

[thequirkster]

FourLuckySpades, I don't know what to say. Knowing that someone could feel so bad that they'd attempt to take their lives is very upsetting. I'm sorry that you feel so hopeless. I wish there was something I could do for you.

I think that if you felt bad enough about school that you even thought about suicide is an obvious sign that you desperately need a change and RIGHT NOW.

From Years 7 to 10, I attended a boys only high school in Sydney. I hated everything about that school. While I wasn't persecuted heavily, I was forced to physically stand up for myself at times. That school sucked the life from me. The teachers, the students, the rigidity, the intense discipline, it was all too much for me. I often entertained suicidal thoughts.

At the end of Year 10, myself and three of my closest friends left the boys school for a co-ed Rudolf Steiner school. Those last two years of my schooling were some of the happiest times of my life. It was as if the school was created just for me. Within two and-a-half months I had met and started a relationship with a girl that lasted for over four years. I had gone from a nervous, shy kid who couldn't look girls in the face while I was at the boys school, to being elected onto the Student Council and flourishing in this more accepting, more free environment.

Leaving the boys school was the best decision I have ever made. By the same token, I think you are desperately in need of change. In my opinion, you should go to this new school, the more creative one. If you think about it, it can't be any worse an experience than what you are going through right now.

I'd be really interested in what you end up doing. Please keep us up to date.

Good luck, champ.