Told a crush how I felt.. (very lengthy)

Shoegazer

Member
I'll try to be as short as possible with the details here, but this is complicated for me and I can never get my point across being vague. I work in a super market (bakery stuff), have had the job about 5 years now. Maybe about 4 years ago, I noticed this girl working in the pharmacy who I hadn't seen before.. and I was floored by my attraction to her. Of course it wasn't much longer until I had seen her with her then BF, so I didn't bother doing anything at the time.

Almost exactly a year ago, A co worker in my dept. had over heard me calling her pretty as she walked by from a distance. What does she do? runs right up to the girl and tells her what I said.. apparently she was flattered. Ever since, there had been this confusing glancing game between her and I when ever we saw each other. Sometimes she would be incredibly obvious, others it was like she would look but tried to act like she wasn't. And this began when she was still with her boyfriend, but they just broke up late last year.

For a while now I wasn't sure what her deal was. Tbh, I wasn't sure what she really thought of the whole thing with my co worker telling her that.. and I didn't want to creep her out or scare her off or anything so I started to become increasingly nervous about it. That made the idea of approaching her become very difficult, even though I wanted to.

Then a couple of weeks ago, I was told that she was apparently looking for a boyfriend. So I figured I had to do something fast, and decided that maybe I should just try regardless of my nerves. It was actually this past Easter Sunday that I figured I would just go for it. But of course, once she came on my side of the building, those nerves and that gut feeling I keep getting came rushing back. She looked at me for maybe a split second and kept walking, the vibe just wasn't right to me.

Another co worker who knew of my interests saw that I kept getting bummed about how nervous I was getting. She needed to do some shopping on her break and needed something from the pharmacy, so she decided to tell the pharmacy girl that she had a co worker/friend who was interested in her and that I was just a little nervous about it. Well, she was actually curious and told my co worker that she would stop by the bakery at some point later to see who I was. To my surprise, she really did come to our area again but only to the produce section right across the way where my co worker was still shopping. I was still nervous, so there was no way I was going to run out there or anything. They talked for a bit, and she went on her way again. My co worker told me she couldn't really see who I was from where they were standing for whatever reason, but that she said she would stop by again sometime soon.

I'm sure you can guess that she didn't come by or anything the next week. My co worker then tells me that she knows who I am (weird that she told me that the girl said she couldn't see who I was), and that I might as well approach her because she probably still didn't want to herself, despite saying she would and knowing I'm nervous. Well, I finally did.. I was heading back to the bakery and here she comes my way from the water dispenser. I literally felt the strangest sensation run down my body as I got closer, it was like I went into this fuzzy "auto-pilot" mode.

I asked her how she was, how's the pharmacy.. she asked me how the bakery was. Maybe the start was a bit rocky cause after she asked that it took me a second to think after I answered to that question, and it was quiet. Despite being incredibly attractive, this girl is really self conscious. I didn't know where else to go from there, I told her that I thought her hair was pretty/like silk. She became enthusiastic from there and was all like "really?! thanks!". She started making a little conversation from there, mostly about her name (which was actually pretty interesting). Once that was over, I told her I didn't mean to seem strange or anything.. I've just been a bit nervous. When she asked me why, I honestly can't remember what I said (I think just "I'm not sure"). But I just told her that she is so beautiful and that she always is. She happily thanked me again, told me I don't have to be nervous about anything, and asked when I get out. She told me that she would come see me cause I got out an hour and a half after the pharmacy closed. There wasn't much else said in the conversation after that, and it was all so fuzzy it's kinda hard for me to remember anyways but she basically thanked me again and had to be on her way back.

Seems surprisingly hopeful right? She didn't show up (maybe I should have told her I'd come see her?). My asst. manager talks to her sometimes, and said that when he had seen her a while after I had talked to her that she was miserable (apparently she had a new, lazy manager that was making her do everything). Everyone who knows what is going on in my dept. seems to agree that this was probably the reason she didn't come by. But of course I have that little voice in my head that drives me to overthink.. "maybe she started having second thoughts".. "maybe she ran the details of our encounter by a friend who didn't agree with something I said/did".. it goes on, and it's hard for me to control.

A week went by, and due to conflicting schedules I only saw her once, yesterday. She walked by and went to get water as usual, but didn't even look in the direction of the bakery at all. After that, I got the most sickening gut feeling of all.. a gut feeling that seems to make me think she is going to avoid me like the plague/act like I don't exist now. I'm still trying to keep any hope, like maybe she assumed I had the week off and didn't think I was even there. Or maybe she did give a quick glance at the dept. before I saw her, but didn't see me because of the weird position I was in (only visible at some points, out in the front area but partially behind a wall).

Look, I know what my problems are.. I know I shouldn't over think and assume these things. But, this is incredibly difficult for me not to because half of my life consisted of me having bad luck with the opposite sex. Even the slightest thoughts of me making the tiniest wrong move drive me up a wall because of how fast people dismiss you for them these days. I have little control of these thoughts most of the time. And I know, I will probably need to approach her again sometime soon and find out what's up. But I just want to know what YOU think about all of this.. Am I feeling like this entirely because of over thinking? Or is there something small I did wrong that I missed??
 

Angkorwat

Well-known member
Kudos to you for getting the courage to talk to her. She might be waiting for you to make another move as you said she is self-conscious. She might be very shy around people she is attracted to, though I'm just looking from a third-person perspective.
 
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