Today

[flake__]

So today i got back from lectures quite late. Didn't have the nerve to go down to dinner, even though i could text a friend and she'd happily say yeh, let's go. Was in my room. I am at uni staying in halls. And people on my floor hammered on my door again. Then they said, is her light on? And i just panicked, and ran to turn my light off, and stood in the dark out of view of the door, heart pounding, panicking thoughts running through my head.

They went away quite quickly and i just stood in the dark feeling tears fall down my face. This stupid phobia is so demoralising. It makes you do demoralising things, no wonder we get an inferiority complex.

 

[Foxglove]

Oh dear, I feel bad for you . I know the feeling of being scared and trapped and helpless, and of crying out of sheer desperation. What did the people pounding on the door want?

 

[flake__]

It's just cos i never answer. They all hang out together, go clubbing every night etc...so if i made friends with them i would be expected to do the same and with my fear i just can't. I just pretend i'm out.

Sorry to post such a negative post! Think it's just a while since something like that happenned to me and it just made me remember...it just makes you feel low when you have to do abnormal things like that.

 

[Joey86]

That is so sad. I know what it feels like because I've been in simular situations like that before. I turn off my light, and make sure I make as little noise as possible... if I'm on my computer, I type softly so I don't make any noises that will give me away.

It's really hard to keep a balance between complete isolation and giving in and going out. Sometimes I feel so lonely that I just have to go out, and others I'm scared to set foot out my door. I've explained this to some of my closer friends before, but most of them just don't get it.

Hope you're feeling better.

 

[flake__]

Thanks for your support guys! I'm ok now, it is just cos i've just started uni, and obviously a big change like that brings new 'fear' situations to deal with i guess. I will handle it just takes a while to adjust.

Basically i didn't know i had social phobia, so i started uni convinced i was going to stop these stupid irrational behaviours i did and socialise normally..i was so convinced! Then of course the dream all crashed around me when i came. Then i found this forum. Realising i have a phobia, and that it is pretty hard to treat/cure, scares me...i can no longer deny it, so the extent of my phobia is materialising itself, if that makes sense? And affecting my life even more..

But the good thing is now i am facing up to it i can try and find a cure. Some people have accepted they will have to live with it, and that is so sad. I really couldn't do that. There must be a way!

 

[Joey86]

Starting uni is really scary at first, but you'll learn to manage. I've been at uni for 6 years now, and it's like a second home to me lol. Let us know how it ends up going.

Dealing with social anxiety is somewhat ironic in itself. Seeking help in the first place is a challenge because not only do you have the fear to revealing something like this, but it's compounded by your fear with interacting with the doctor and others. It's like how they have group sessions for social anxiety suffers - it makes me think that these psychologists don't understand the condition properly

 

[flake__]

Six years, wow, you must be a good student! Thanks...

Yeh it does make it very hard, especially as it doesn't seem to be very understood even in the medical community...i mean if you go to your doctor and say i'm agrophobic or something, they wouldn't say, could you explain what that is, please? But i bet my doctor would if i went.

But the support group thing, i think that is actually a good idea! Don't you think? Cos it's alot easier to talk to people that are going through the same as you...you all understand each other, and no one's judging anyone, which is a social phobic's main fear. I'm going to try one.

 

[Joey86]

Yeah I don't know about other countries like the US, but in Australia, hardly anybody knows anything about it. It's sad to just think about how many people suffer with social anxiety, and just not know that there are other people feeling the exact same way as they are. Apparently it's suppose to be the second most prevalent mental condition (after depression). That's a lot of people.

Yup it's quite inspiring to see internet communities form and stuff based around the condition. I've found that sufferers of social anxiety are one of the most friendly, thoughtful and kind bunch of people I've ever met. I mean, if we didn't have the internet, where would we be comfortable sharing these experiences?

 

[StocksGuy]

I'm sorry to hear your having that kind of problem. I'm in college right now, and I wish I could have friends to stop by like that to invite me to do things. I've so few friends. Only two real ones. Only one goes to my school. I used to have more friends, but being the one of two guys in a small group of girls was a recipie for disaster. All it took was one of them to get jelous of me and suddenly, only one of them will even talk to me anymore (She's the one I'm friends with at my school, she has SAD too and i was her link to the group). Before that I found myself turning down invitations to do stuff many times because I just wanted to be alone and for not have to worry about what they thought.

 

[flake__]

Yeh the internet is very good for a lot of things! I was thinking in australia it must be quite hard since there is much more of an outdoors culture? Or is that just my stereotypes talking! I am from the UK.

Sorry to hear about your problem stocksguy...what a shame for jealousy to ruin it! wish i could appreciate the invite but i don't, i am just terrified, have a sort of mini-panic attack i think. It's just scary that i have no 'safe zone' anymore...atleast at home i had somewhere to retreat..now i have nowhere. They always stand outside my door, and there is no soundproof between people's rooms and the corridor so it is just like a load of people standing a few feet from me. So i launch into a mini panic-attack every time because it is like i am in a forced social situation, if you get what i mean? Just listening to their conversation gets the negative thoughts and fear going round my head.

Every night about 5 times a night and so loud. My muscles are so tensed all the time i ache everywhere. I have never had this before. Guess i am just scared they will break down my door one day. It only takes one drunk idiot. But how hard is it to break down a door with a really big bolt? If i knew they couldn't get in i would feel calmer and like i could just ignore it.

 

[alter_ego]

But how hard is it to break down a door with a really big bolt? If i knew they couldn't get in i would feel calmer and like i could just ignore it.

Someone I know who knows a lot about building told me it is impossible to break through a bolt that is locked on the inside.

 

[coriander1992]

Sorry you are going through this flake
But hey, kudos to you for having the guts to actually go to uni!
It makes me quite angry to hear these people are trying to constantly make you go places, I've been there and I hate it so bad. They probably think they are being nice by inviting you out, which I suppose they are, but from you're point of view it's unwanted.
I also know what you mean about the little panic attacks, I've had my fair share of those, and I don't want anymore!
It's amazing how something so "normal" as somebody asking you to go out somewhere can cause such fear and panic in a person

 

[LonelyGirl]

I know how you feel. I've just started uni too. It's good that people still want you to go out with them. Sometimes it's just nice to be invited or to know that people want you around even if you don't go. My flatmates have given up on me now. They got bored of me quite quickly. I can't say I blame them. I hope things get better for you.

 

[flake__]

Someone I know who knows a lot about building told me it is impossible to break through a bolt that is locked on the inside.

alter-ego i could hug you for saying that!

from now on i'm just going to turn up the volume on my headphones and relax!

Thanx coriander and lonely girl...yeh it is real nice they are trying but like you say unfortunately more harm than help to me, and when they hammer on the door/shout/make comments it turns antagonisitc! They say 'she's probably just shy/scared'...but continue to hammer?!

(sigh) well its dying down now. like with you lonelygirl they are getting bored..makes you feel relieved but..you know, ungrateful. left out. even though you couldn't join in anyway!

how are you finding uni then lonelygirl? It is a big transition, especially for us.