To focus or not to focus on SA

[tooshytosay]

This is a tricky dilemma - to focus or not to focus on my SA.

Every now and then I would often go on these sprees of reading SA-literature out there, finding out more about it and so on.

But then what happens is that when it comes to REAL EVERYDAY social situations... all that above "analysis" if anything makes me MORE self-conscious about my "performance" and makes me scrutinize every tiny bit of myself. What does that result in? Yup - even more social awkwardness and unnaturalness than before.

Back in the day I would have quasi-normal social interactions with my close family and friends. But what happened after I became "hyper-aware" of SA? Even my interactions with them became more stilted because I "knew" I had SA. Of course I wouldn't say I had "normal" social relations with them before - but if anything, knowing about SA made it worse.

I bet every person with a condition such as SA are "mini-psychologists" unto themselves - we certainly do 'know', theoretically more about human interaction than your average Joe - but that can be a mixed blessing.

Say I go to a social gathering. I feel more like an anthropologist going to analyse group behaviour rather than a participant. Say I have a conversation - I feel more like a psychologist / linguist trying to analyse it rather than... having one.

In response to this, what have I tried?

Yup, I've tried to "completely forget" that I have SA. And indeed this works... to some extent. For a couple of days, life would feel a bit better, as if you've been freed from shackles. With people that I am quite "comfortable" with - I may even become more... "natural", should I say?

But then, sooner or later, it all comes crushing down.
Someone or something most painfully reminds you that you have SA, and so you just feel like you've only been "fooling yourself" for the past few days.

So it's a tricky situation. If I try to "forget" SA it always comes back to haunt me in some way; but if I think about it too much, then in turn that hinders me too.

 

[cosmosis]

Hi tooshytosay,

Great post! I love it and its so true If you focus on it, it's bad..if you try to ignore it, then it just comes back eventually harder than ever. I found that the best thing is not to try to pretend its not there....but just to focus on what you want in life or what you want from friends and social interaction. Focus on your desire to be social and when the anxiety hits, just move on and keep focusing on what it is that you want (not what it is you are afraid of). If ever your focus is on what you want more than what you don't want (social failure, rejection) then you are doing well.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

I think chances are, that few people have the text book kind social anxiety, because the categories in the dsm or whatever that big book's called are clearly artificial. At some point, somebody made it up. So it'd really be more accurate to say most of us deal with something like social anxiety, so it doesnt need to be a label and self fufilling prophecy kind of thing. i know what you mean though! its a funny dilemma. its like, ok how am i going to trick my head into behaving today?

 

[Phobologist]

This is a tricky dilemma - to focus or not to focus on my SA.

My initial thoughts are that you focus on your SA but don't do any CBT work so it doesn't improve much. Perhaps you superficialy dabble in anxiety control methodologies and positive thinking tips, but that's not enough. You need solid work to systematicaly identify and debunk the "defects" you allegedly possess. If you take this approach you will only improve.