Tied up in knots and given up

[ChaoticGood]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here.

I hope that this might be a cautionary tale to some of you.

I have suffered from shyness and a severe lack of confidence in myself since I can remember. For all I know it's genetic. A couple of times in my life (I'm now 36) I've had some kind of weird ripple in my make-up that seemed to turn me into a extrovert. Both times I got girlfriends very quickly and had a great time. Still, there was always the real me, as if watching my extroverted self through a muddy window, just waiting for my time again.

In a bid to overcome my shyness I started to drink in order to get me out into social circles and interacting with people. For a very long time it seemed to work rather well. My shyness was always there, but it helped break down a few barriers. Then I fell in with a different group of people and taking drugs became the order of the day. I'll say one positive thing about drugs and one thing only: it showed me the potential of my personality, something locked away inside me that I couldn't tap. I did that scene for a number of years and I won't kid you, it was great, and the people I did it with are still friends, although I now keep them at a distance because I don't do drugs any more.

But I still drink. But now I drink to blot things out. I drink to hasten my demise. What was left of me, any chance of beating my shyness and perhaps living a normal life has been hollowed out by drink. I'm just hoping the end comes soon.

So the lesson, if there is one, is don't band-aid your problem. Don't patch it up with quick fix solutions. I know it's hard to seek help for shyness when it's the very thing that gets in the way of seeking help in the first place, but don't leave it too late.

Regards,

ChaoticGood

 

[reslo]

your post isn't the most cheerful thing, but i appreciate your honesty.

I've never had a drink for that particular reason that there could never be enough alcohol to cover up my awkwardness/anxiety...

i think also too that you were not under the influence every single minute you felt outgoing [although you may have tried]. it's like if you give people non-alcholic beer, but you tell them its beer, they will still act drunk and stupid.

shyness may not always go away. there are different kinds of people in this world, and it's ok to be shy (despite what you may hear) i think it's more important to accept yourself, than to be completely outgoing.

outgoing people have hang ups too- their lives aren't perfect.

it's only too late when you're 6 feet under, and hopefully, you're not there yet. hope you can get the strength to seek help/guidance/support!

...and 36 is not an old man!