Thoughts during awkward conversations

[boro]

Has anyone taken the time to notice what is really going through their heads during awkward conversations? In my case it is all a bit of a blur – I can’t actually recall exact thoughts because I struggle with the nerves to the point where I can’t think at my own pace. But I do know that I put myself under pressure to think of something on the spot, immediately, rather than at my own pace (which might only take a few seconds more) because I am so intent on avoiding awkward silences.

I also stop myself from saying anything too unusual or saying or even thinking any thoughts that are too personal or eccentric which might be interpreted as a bit weird while around others, instead opting for more predictable things to say and not strongly disagreeing with others. Afterwards I feel empty and disappointed that I was unable to express my true feelings even about the most trivial things but when I’m in the moment around other people, its all out of my control.

When im by myself I can act or think as freely as I like but when im around other people my mind closes up automatically and I can’t act normally. Its not even as if I censor myself consciously anymore, it just happens automatically and I am in a completely different state of mind that I am very conscious of but that I can’t break out of. I think for many sufferers of social anxiety we are so wrapped up in what we think other people are thinking of us or in what we think they are thinking we are thinking of them (does this even make any sense?) that we lose sight of our own thoughts that we would have if we didn’t have all the anxiety clouding our minds so in a way we are robbed of our personality. Anyone else get this feeling?

 

[Higolo]

Yeah man, get the same feeling.

You want to be able to communicate and be unique (giving your own answer, and not just going along with them), but you get that stinging sensation. Anxiety.

 

[applesewer]

Anyone else get this feeling?

totally. I love it when I find other people who feel exactly the same as me.

I also stop myself from saying anything too unusual or saying or even thinking any thoughts that are too personal or eccentric which might be interpreted as a bit weird while around others, instead opting for more predictable things to say and not strongly disagreeing with others.

yeah its like I have this little scan in my head that I run all my thoughts through before opening my mouth, and I can sense when something I'm about to say might have the slightest chance of causing a slightly bad reaction...consequently words like "yeah", "um" and "cool" have now become grossly overused in my vocabulary! I don't really say anything, in terms of contributing a point to a discussion. I just try to stand out as little as possible.