hypomaniac
New member
I am new here...and just coming to terms with a lot of issues I have had for decades. I am 32 years old. This is my story (and to make a long story short
1-my father was extremely physically and verbally abusive to me for 17 years
2-i married at 18...to an abusive man...we were married for 6 years
3-we had 2 children together; we divorced when he cheated on me
4-i have been afraid to leave my house since i was at least 19 years old
5-i occasionally got out of the house but not without extreme anxiety
my biggest fear was and still is that my house will catch on fire and i needed to get home quickly to check on it (or i just wouldn't go out at all because of the possibility of fire)
6-i married for the second time in 2000; i destroyed that marriage...
7-i was always stressed, angry or depressed and took it all out on him
after my 2nd divorce in 2003 i became almost completely confined to my house
8-there were times i would stay at home for weeks at a time
9-i met my current husband in 2004; we met online and after a few weeks chatting decided to meet "halfway"
10-i really wanted to meet him and agreed to do it
11-i didn't go the first time we agreed to meet
12-i almost didn't go the 2nd time (which was 2 weeks later) but i forced myself to go
13-he and i married in 2005
14-he left me exactly one year later; he couldn't take my angry outbursts anymore
15-he loves me
16-he came back 6 weeks later
17-i am now taking medication for bipolar disorder
18-next week i will begin medication for ocd
19-my husband just found out yesterday that i am agoraphobic...
20-i realized i had to let him know...because i was doing the same old things that destroyed us in the past
21-everything suddenly made sense to him
22-i am embarressed and ashamed
23-i am most afraid of social situations that are scheduled
by this i mean, appointments or 9-5 jobs
24-i have a work at home job
25-i love it but it enables me to have a crutch...a reason to not have to leave the house
26-i buy all of my kids clothes on ebay or online because i have such a hard time leaving the house (it's okay to laugh here, but i am being serious)
27-nobody knew...but me
28-i don't know what to do now
I am keeping a blog on my "journey" to get past the frustrations I experience. I keep seeing responses on this forum saying "You need to get out everyday and do something"..."Start off small!"
Does anyone feel complete fear to read something like that? It makes me feel so embarressed but for someone to tell me to go out EVERY DAY seems like a nightmare.
Here is my blog: http://www.hypomaniac.blogspot.com
By the way, nice to meet you. I really need some help.
1-my father was extremely physically and verbally abusive to me for 17 years
2-i married at 18...to an abusive man...we were married for 6 years
3-we had 2 children together; we divorced when he cheated on me
4-i have been afraid to leave my house since i was at least 19 years old
5-i occasionally got out of the house but not without extreme anxiety
my biggest fear was and still is that my house will catch on fire and i needed to get home quickly to check on it (or i just wouldn't go out at all because of the possibility of fire)
6-i married for the second time in 2000; i destroyed that marriage...
7-i was always stressed, angry or depressed and took it all out on him
after my 2nd divorce in 2003 i became almost completely confined to my house
8-there were times i would stay at home for weeks at a time
9-i met my current husband in 2004; we met online and after a few weeks chatting decided to meet "halfway"
10-i really wanted to meet him and agreed to do it
11-i didn't go the first time we agreed to meet
12-i almost didn't go the 2nd time (which was 2 weeks later) but i forced myself to go
13-he and i married in 2005
14-he left me exactly one year later; he couldn't take my angry outbursts anymore
15-he loves me
16-he came back 6 weeks later
17-i am now taking medication for bipolar disorder
18-next week i will begin medication for ocd
19-my husband just found out yesterday that i am agoraphobic...
20-i realized i had to let him know...because i was doing the same old things that destroyed us in the past
21-everything suddenly made sense to him
22-i am embarressed and ashamed
23-i am most afraid of social situations that are scheduled
by this i mean, appointments or 9-5 jobs
24-i have a work at home job
25-i love it but it enables me to have a crutch...a reason to not have to leave the house
26-i buy all of my kids clothes on ebay or online because i have such a hard time leaving the house (it's okay to laugh here, but i am being serious)
27-nobody knew...but me
28-i don't know what to do now
I am keeping a blog on my "journey" to get past the frustrations I experience. I keep seeing responses on this forum saying "You need to get out everyday and do something"..."Start off small!"
Does anyone feel complete fear to read something like that? It makes me feel so embarressed but for someone to tell me to go out EVERY DAY seems like a nightmare.
Here is my blog: http://www.hypomaniac.blogspot.com
By the way, nice to meet you. I really need some help.