from The Happiness Trap by Dr. Russ Harris
http://www.thehappinesstrap.com
Connection and the Observing Self
Connection happens through the observing self. It involves bringing our full attention to what is happening here and now without getting distracted or influenced by the thinking self. The observing self is by nature nonjudgmental. It can't judge our experience, because judgments are thoughts and therefore a product of the thinking self. The observing self doesn't get into a struggle with reality; it sees things as they are, without resisting. Resistance only happens when we fuse with our judgments that things are bad or wrong or unfair.
Our thinking self tells us that things shouldn't be as they are, that we shouldn't be as we are, that reality is in the wrong and our ideas in the right. It tells us that life would be better somewhere else or we would be happier if only we were different. Thus, the thinking self is often like a pair of dark goggles that dims and obscures our view of the world, disconnecting us from reality though boredom, distraction, or resistance.
The observing self, though, is incapable of boredom. It registers everything it observes with openness and interest. It's only the thinking self that gets bored, because boredom is basically a thought process: a story that life would be more interesting and more fulfilling if we were doing something else. The thinking self is easily bored because it thinks it already knows it all. It's been there, done that, seen the show, and bought the t-shirt. Whether we're walking down the street, driving to work, eating a meal, having a chat, or taking a shower, the thinking self takes it all for granted. After all, it's done this stuff countless times before. So rather than help us connect with our present reality, it "carries us off" to a different time and place. Thus, when the thinking self is running the show, we spend most of our time only half awake, scarcely aware of the richness of the world around us.
The good news is that the observing self is always present and available. Through it we can connect with the vast length, breadth, and depth of human experience, regardless of whether that experience is new and exciting or familiar and uncomfortable. The fascinating thing is that when, with an attitude of openness and interest, we bring our full attention to an unpleasant experience, the thing we dreaded often seems much less bothersome than before. Likewise, when we truly connect with even the most familiar or mundane experience, we often see it in a new and interesting light. To experience this for yourself, try the following exercise.
