hey hey HEY thug, i feel your pain so much! i just got out of mine two months ago and i'm still getting back on my feet.
i can empathize with EVERYTHING that you're saying. but you can't blame yourself, there's no need to put the blame anywhere. you've just got to be yourself.
and yes, i do know that gut feeling that things aren't going to work and that shows you that you're not a failure or anything like that, things just didn't work out. it happens sadly....
but hey, i know it seems like there's no tomorrow. you look around and wonder what "normal" is anymore b/c youre so used to having another half. and it seems so hopeless, what if there's not ever going to be anyone ever again? was that it? i know!!
dammit there is a tomorrow and there are other people out there. you've got a great personality and you've just got to stay busy, take some time out for yourself, recope, and you'll be set. just don't let yourself get down b/c things CONSTANTLY change and you'll get out of this eventually.
take it one day at a time and you've got so much support here, good luck to you and i'm sorry ((((hugs))))) take care