There are always those people who will put you down...

[Jim_Bergerac]

but how should you react to them?

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I was feeling really good and one girl said she thinks I would be a good swimmer as I have the athletic build. I thought wow that's such a nice thing to say, she is in my good books forever now!

But yesterday at work, I get on very well with people, but one person who I have got on well with seems to have a problem with me at the moment, I think its because I am more popular and people like me more than him - which is a bit sad if that is the reason, but its the only possible reason, so he has been trying to put me down a few times of late. Yesterday lots of us whilst working were talking about diets and if we were happy with our weight. And someone said that Jim is happy because a girl said he looks athletic last week and I smiled and said yeah I am happy! And then this guy whith the problem was so rude and trying to put me down - he pointed at me and said 'What that's athletic? hahaha, I never heard anything so rubbish in my life, he's not athletic looking at all, hahaha, I can think of a few things I would describe him as but I don't want to be offensive'. And someone said 'Why you being mean for?' He said 'I am just saying he is no way athletic looking'.
I just thought oh my god, why are there people out there who just seem to want to put you down and make you feel crap about yourself. I said to him 'Ok tell me how you would describe me then?' And he didn't reply. I wanted to go over and give him a right hander.

I was so angry - he was just deliberately trying to put me down and make out I look crap and try and get people to laugh at me. The thing is I am not unhappy at my weight at all, I am 6'2 tall and weigh 13 stone, I am of slim build - but I am tall so I would look slim unless I was really wide too. I am happy with my weight so I wasn't offended that he was implying I look liked whatever, my weight is not an insecurity. I was just angry that there are people like him who just want to put you down, why does he feel the need to do that? I would never insult anyone or put anyone down, so what right does he have to try to do that with me.

The thing is how should one re-act when people are putting you down like that and trying to make you the butt of their jokes. If you laugh its almost like saying 'Hehe, you are funny' - he's not funny, he is a complete prat for trying to put someone down. If you get angry then he knows he has won and not only put you down in front of everyone, maybe thinks he got a cheap laugh but also succeeded in hurting you.

Like I say I am quite friendly with him, but he has been in a funny mood of late towards me - which I really do not care about, no loss to me! I did email him and asked why he felt the need to ridicule my build and put me down like that. I said - I know I am far from perfect, I don't need you to tell me it and when that girl was nice to me saying I looked athletic, I felt brilliant and thought she was so nice, but then there are always people like you who like to put people down. Its a shame!

He did reply but I deleted it without reading it, couldn't be bothered with him.

I have been so used to put downs, name calling, ridicule from my days at school that I always take them hard, but no way on earth am I letting someone who is complete arsewipe ruin my confidence ever again. Further proof that shallow people who want to put you down over things like how you look - they really really are not worth worrying about or caring what they think of you - because who wants to be friendly or be accepted by a fool like that? I will save my thoughts and friendliness to those who deserve it.

I don't write this thread for sympathy or 'don't worry' replies, because I really don't care about what he said, it has no effect on me, I am starting to really like myself for who I am - but like I ask - there are always those who will put you down and be horrible towards you and its sadly them with a real problem, I am sad for him that he feels he has to do that, its a really unfortunate characteristic and makes him look pathetic and shallow.
But when on the receiving end, how should one react? I would never stoop to his level and pick out any faults I see in him, I don't want to appear like I am sulking if I just ignore him as that's not good either. There really doesn't seem a really dignified way to take these comments and really come across as excellent. Do you know what I mean?

 

[stormygrey]

I guess most people put other people down to cover up for their own insecurities, their own low feelings of self-worth, and it has nothing actually to do with the person being put down. I had to face a lot of name-calling too, and loaded put-downs that were so complex I didn't even know how to react to them.

This guy in your office seems to be a real jerk, it's completely his problem. To me, it seems the whole put-down wasn't even about you being athelitic, it was about his problem with you being happy. I guess if you could see that how pathetic his attempt was, if you see the whole reality, the ridiculous-ness(sp?) in these situations, it would make things a lot better. because this situation in itself puts you on a higher level - he made the mistake, not you. I like how you handled the situation - continuing to be friendly to him. He kind of made you look more dignified! He obviously couldn't stand you being happy about something the girl said - his comment was coming from his own insecurity and his pathetic need to put you down.

In my opinion, the best way to react would be firstly, not consider what is said but why it is said. and if a put-down isn't a constructive critsicm of any sort, I guess we have our own rationality to hang on to. I would just ignore the comment made - resume a friendly but professional, distant attitude, cos these people just aren't worth that much of respect. It's almost worth not having friends/reputed to be cold and distant than assosiating with these people...

"What doesn't kill me makes me stronger..."

I hope i made sense.

oh and I forgot to add something I heard recently.. just wanted to share it

"don't ever put yourself down because there are enough people around to do that for you"... when putting you down they want you to not know how to react, so i guess if u ignore them and pretend that everything is fine, they will see that they didn't acheive their objective.

 

[young]

Your topic talks about others putting people down. Aren't you kinda doing the same thing? Instead of just rolling it off your shoulders. Your talking how much of a jerk he is?

Someone that says to a group of people that your so and so. May not be that he's trying ot put you down. Cause you aren't. tio make people laugh at you. He's putting you down cause he's insecure about himself. Someone giving someone else compliments. Can quickly bring around Mr. Jealousy. So how does one combat a compliment to someone? You try and destroy it. Bring some negativity into it. Kinda like when you were a kid and someone called you a poo poo head. What was your retort? Not uh. You're a poo poo head. If everyone looked at you and instead of me. Wouldn't you get a little jealous and want to steal his/her thunder?