The truth we are all hiding..

[Shyguy4]

Inside each and every single one of us we are all hiding a truth and when I say every single one of us i mean those with social phobia. The truth is burried inside of us because were afraid of what it can lead us to and that is ourselves.
I don't know how many of us can remember our past but those who do remember know that there were some good times and also bad times. The good times were probably with our families or friends we were close with and the bad times were probably in situations were it included measuring your value as a person like school where kids got into groups and work where the better worker got a promotion or raise and things like presenting projects in front of people where you obviously had to be judged by everyone who was there. Answer this question " Why do we get anxious in doing things like presenting our own projects?"
For projects we put in our own ideas and we use our own mind to create from scratch so when we have to present them we come to notice that everyone will see how we think and we believe they will judge us as a person through this project and not judge the project. The same goes with being the center of attention... When everyone has there eyes on you how do you feel?
anxious why? because you believe that your not worthy to be the center of attention you start to think people are starting to believe that your not worthy so you get anxious because you have the fear that you will do something that people won't like and see that your not that cool and your just a loser......because you set yourself up to believe your going to mess up thinking your not good enough.. how are you going to act normal in front of everybody? I Don't think you can

So what's the truth we are all hiding deep inside us?
The truth is we believe through all the rejections in our past and present time through all the sadness in our lives and our current situation in our lives that we are not good enough as OURSELVES.
We believe if we talk then nobody is going to listen or they're going to think that were stupid and we don't know how to talk to other people.
We believe nobody would want to be friends with us
we believe that we ended up at this point of our lives because we were ourselves one time in our lives...Its not true, other people made us this way.

Do you see how all of these have to do with self-value?
Think of a situation where you would get anxiety and tell me if it has to do only with self-value because it will!

We are unsure about being ourselves because when we were ourselves we had many horrable times and moments in the past regarding our self worth..... times we couldn't control like we can today.
So it has to be true right! if people didn't like us when we were ourselves then people won't like us now........ It's logical thinking isn't it?

If that is true why do you have friends? and if you don't have friends then why don't you have friends? It all leads to self-value.With people we are comfortable with like family we open up more easily because you don't have to worry about rejection to much but if your family is the source of your feelings of low value then that could be the reason for having no friends at all.

We know who we are were just not sure if people will accept us when we show them who we are.

Our fear is that people won't like us for who we are. That is the source to all your problems in life regarding social phobia.

 

[j_brown2]

where did you read this?

 

[Shyguy4]

It's not a theory and don't just read this once.. get it into your head you will see that this is true.

 

[Havocan]

Agree with most of it, but I believe there's more than one reason why people have SA. This is definitely one the core reasons, though. By thinking that one's not good enough for others, one withdraws from society because one feels one cannot contribute with anything constructive. Exactly what causes the dissatisfaction is multiple reasons, though.
Regarding the presentation, I've never thought of it like that, that people judge me on how I think and perceive the subject of discussion, more that they judge my presentation in itself and therefore make up their minds based on how I perform^^.

 

[Shyguy4]

.
Regarding the presentation, I've never thought of it like that, that people judge me on how I think and perceive the subject of discussion, more that they judge my presentation in itself and therefore make up their minds based on how I perform^^.

Part of the grade is how you present your project that's what a project is about so you have to think like that because you cant give a bad presentation on purpose but those who get anxiety from presenting a project get it because they are putting there value as a person on the line when they present...If they present horrible then they must be stupid as a person because the goal was to give a good presentation. These thoughts are not out there when we present but its inside our heads. The whole situation revolves around people watching you and evaluating your work and we take it as evaluating us as a person.

 

[Havocan]

If they present horrible then they must be stupid as a person because the goal was to give a good presentation. These thoughts are not out there when we present but its inside our heads.

No. Not stupid as a person but clumsy when it comes to present or lacks social antennas to make a good presentation. I've never considered myself daft because I performed badly, more like I lack the ability to make an appropriate presentation which doesn't make me a stupid, only struggling person.

 

[Shyguy4]

Agree with most of it, but I believe there's more than one reason why people have SA. This is definitely one the core reasons, though. By thinking that one's not good enough for others, one withdraws from society because one feels one cannot contribute with anything constructive. Exactly what causes the dissatisfaction is multiple reasons, though.
Regarding the presentation, I've never thought of it like that, that people judge me on how I think and perceive the subject of discussion, more that they judge my presentation in itself and therefore make up their minds based on how I perform^^.

No. Not stupid as a person but clumsy when it comes to present or lacks social antennas to make a good presentation. I've never considered myself daft because I performed badly, more like I lack the ability to make an appropriate presentation which doesn't make me a stupid, only struggling person.

yes my point of the word was to get the idea of thinking down of ourselves not neccessarily saying that we all think were stupid in that situation but I wanted to show that we don't want people to judge us and think something bad of us. Stupid was just a word I came up with to present that.

 

[krs2snow]

I like ur post, Shyguy, & I agree with what ur saying. I liked the post I read a few days ago though too regarding the source of our anxiety. Can't recall who wrote it or where it was but he was saying that SA comes from a deep fear of being alone which equals death and thats why we're afraid. The reason I liked that post was b-cuz I think all fear has it's roots in death. If you trace fears long, tangled root all the way back to the beginning, u find the beginning is death. The root branches off, webs around, loops, twists & tangles about offering us many potential causes for it's existence (like fear of being ourselves, fear of loneliness, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of success, etc) but, it really only exits because there are just 2 certainties in the world. Life & Death. (3 if u add in change but change changes so it isn't constant). We know life. We fear death.

 

[j_brown2]

^^i think your talkin about my post... and i still stand by my theory, yea thats how EFT works, you have to find the core issue that is causing all this anxiety and then its like childs play eliminating it from all your memories and later on after you eliminated most of them, your amygdala (the emotional store house) will reset to normal (it will realize theres no danger anymore) and you wont feel anxiety anymore,

So iam sure i found the core issue for social anxiety, my proof is that its workin for me, i also posted about this on another forum, an EFT forum and all the EFT practioners their said yes "fear of being alone" is a big issue with many clients they treat who have anxiety disorders

an example i got from them was. A women feared going to a christmas party for some reason she didnt know why. She could function socially normal in every day life, but going to a christmas party caused her anxiety.... so they did some detective work with the EFT practioner, searched about events in her past where she has been at a christmas party before, what happened their that could be anxiety causing... she said she can recall being at a chrismas party as a child and she got lost their, couldnt find her parents around all those people (which of course is a fear of being alone, she feared she will stay alone and die). so they tapped the negative emotions out and sure enough she could happily go to that christmas party later.

You cant take anxiety at face value. With social situations its always a fear of being alone - trust me, with social phobia its just hard to trace the fear back to its origin, coz the fear took on so many different forms, thats what happens with anxiety, everyone will tell you get it sorted out quick coz anxiety will take on different forms and it will be hard to trace it back to its origins

i dont wanna say iam right and all you are wrong, i still read about cognitive self help and the like, i find it helpful... iam tackling my anxiety from all angles, and its paying off... just today i woke up and for some reason i told myself "iam the shit" which i never did before

life can be so great if your not dependent on other peoples judgement, approval, admiration.... when it all comes automatic from inside you, and when thats the only thing that matters to you, nothing else... then your living a good life haha