ForgottenButAlive
New member
Warning: You probably have something better to do than read this.
Okay, I had a good childhood until 9th grade. I went to this amazing
alternative school, ages 5-13, no grades, no homework, no tests. School started at 9:30, ended at 3:30. I had social anxiety even then, but life was still good. I was funny, talkative, and generally a good guy when you got to know me.
Then Public High school. It wasn't the work that was hard, in fact I found it redundant, unbelievably easy and mind numbing. The fact was I knew nobody. I had nobody to talk to, and I literally sat there. The kids around me were mostly assholes, and the ones who I thought were cool I never had the self-confidence to talk to. Everyone knew each other and seemed to fit in perfectly and be happy. I spent an entire year in silence and depression. I realized I had Bipolar. Then got into drugs, etc... I had one best friend left from my old school, me and him spent every second of free time together. we practically thought the same. I mean, we were close, but we have grown apart.
Now I've made some friends who I don't even like, I spend my days coming home from school feeling utter misery. I am so lonely, I just wish I could be an idiotic superficial person and just be GODDAMN HAPPY. I go to one of the best psychiatrists there is, but I can't change my life.
Okay, long story long (but somewhat shorter), the point of this is to ask: Does anyone feel they kind of lose themselves after a prolonged period of loneliness, lack of self-confidence, and misery. I have lost all my enthusiasm, and have a constant jaded look on my face. I am 15. I am talented, smart, artistic, musical, and I look good. Why do I have no confidence?! Why does no one have the slightest interest in becoming a close friend. Why is it that I push people away, because of my feeling of inadequacy. I am the biggest waste of potential. It kills me. The only reason I don't kill myself is because I know I am capable of so much, yet I've lived out so little of it. I just want someone to talk to, but no one is there. I have no real relationship to my family, to my "friends" at school, and I just can't find anyone.
I've ranted on and on. So if you have something bad to say, dont waste your time, I mean haven't I wasted enough of ur time lol. Well this was purely a selfish act, I just needed to vent.
Okay, I had a good childhood until 9th grade. I went to this amazing
alternative school, ages 5-13, no grades, no homework, no tests. School started at 9:30, ended at 3:30. I had social anxiety even then, but life was still good. I was funny, talkative, and generally a good guy when you got to know me.
Then Public High school. It wasn't the work that was hard, in fact I found it redundant, unbelievably easy and mind numbing. The fact was I knew nobody. I had nobody to talk to, and I literally sat there. The kids around me were mostly assholes, and the ones who I thought were cool I never had the self-confidence to talk to. Everyone knew each other and seemed to fit in perfectly and be happy. I spent an entire year in silence and depression. I realized I had Bipolar. Then got into drugs, etc... I had one best friend left from my old school, me and him spent every second of free time together. we practically thought the same. I mean, we were close, but we have grown apart.
Now I've made some friends who I don't even like, I spend my days coming home from school feeling utter misery. I am so lonely, I just wish I could be an idiotic superficial person and just be GODDAMN HAPPY. I go to one of the best psychiatrists there is, but I can't change my life.
Okay, long story long (but somewhat shorter), the point of this is to ask: Does anyone feel they kind of lose themselves after a prolonged period of loneliness, lack of self-confidence, and misery. I have lost all my enthusiasm, and have a constant jaded look on my face. I am 15. I am talented, smart, artistic, musical, and I look good. Why do I have no confidence?! Why does no one have the slightest interest in becoming a close friend. Why is it that I push people away, because of my feeling of inadequacy. I am the biggest waste of potential. It kills me. The only reason I don't kill myself is because I know I am capable of so much, yet I've lived out so little of it. I just want someone to talk to, but no one is there. I have no real relationship to my family, to my "friends" at school, and I just can't find anyone.
I've ranted on and on. So if you have something bad to say, dont waste your time, I mean haven't I wasted enough of ur time lol. Well this was purely a selfish act, I just needed to vent.
