The cure lies in the problem

[crashmans]

Hi guys, first of all I hope you are all going ok. It breaks my heart reading some of your stories, so I thought i'd share some free advice and inspiration. Anxiety is a crazy thing isn't it, it happened to me one day, a panic attack just hit me out of the blue and I was hospitalized, then I got generalized anxiety, social anxiety and had plenty of more panic attacks. My anxiety lasted for about 18 months and i can now say that i am over it, off meds etc and haven't had any real anxiety for the last two years or so, so there is hope there for all of you. I lost my girlfriend, lost my soul, lost my life - but I found it again. I wanted to know why I was inflicted with this terrible disorder and I set out to try and find some of the reasons. I believe that anxiety is simply a lack of love and a lack of a sense of belonging - some people may broadly class this as self esteem, but I think it goes deeper. Self esteem believe it or not, is achieved when one is selfless - i know some of you may be shaking your heads, but please hear me out. You must all agree that when we are experiencing anxiety, all we think about is ourselves, we can't think of anything else, our ego won't let us. We become so introspective and with our vivid imaginations think up all these devastating scenarios that never actually happen. I've just finished reading a book called The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield and I would recommend it to anyone, it is not a book on anxiety, but it helped me so much with my anxiety, you'll have to get it and see what i mean. The basic message is that to be happy and less anxious we have to show compassion and selfless love to everybody. It is easy to get caught up in the poor me scenario, believe me I did it, but we have choices and one of those is to help other people. I was encouraged not to try and help others with anxiety disorders when it first started (cause our first reaction is always to help others isnt it), because someone said I should get myself better first. This is crap, and i have since learned that helping others, through compassion and empathy was one of the best ways to lead to cure. There's an old saying that goes: Teachers teach what they most need to learn - think about it. I'm not saying you have to get out of your comfort zone too much to start off with - you could start by posting in to forums like this with some advice (i'm sure you all have a few tips for reducing anxiety) start listening to other people and their problems as well - see if you can help. It is amazing how good you feel about yourself when you start doing things for others. Like the Dalai Lama says:
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. Start reading some inspirational quotes and stories - there are plenty of sites on the internet - positive thinking is infectious. I think a lot of anxiety is also caused by loneliness and a need to be loved, but often we don't stretch out the hand for friendship because we are playing out the poor me drama that the world and everything in it is against us. To have a friend we have to be a friend, to be loved we have to give love, what goes around comes around. Try to get involved in some sort of support group, even if it doesn't have to do with anxiety - because believe it or not, other people are the cure for our disorder, we can't do it alone, and we need them for our own energy fields to be complete. When we are in the company of some supportive friends we can tell them our worries and our concerns and by doing this we are helping ourselves to understand - rather than bottling everything up, if you are too worried to talk to any of your friends, ring a counsellor or a help line of some description. I honestly believe though, especially after hearing the common scenario of an anxiety sufferer that it has a lot to do with loneliness and too much time for self reflection - it is a feeling like you are trapped, trapped in the house that surrounds you, but it doesn't have to be that way. As painful as it is you need to take very small steps to get back into the world instead of withdrawing. Try and meet a few friends through a support group or just try and get out of the house and talk to people somehow. Maybe you come from a small town in the country - go back there where you know more people and they are more friendly - but please don't barricade yourself inside! I also found that being unemployed didn't help, because once again I had no feeling of self worth. There are a lot of people out there that do degrading work, but at the end of the day they have dignity and pride and feel good about themselves because of their service. Giving service wherever possible is a great way to add to your self esteem - try it if you don't believe me. Not only do you feel good when you do work, but it is a distraction from the constant drain of energy that comes from focussing entirely on yourself - you may even be times when you completely forget about your anxiety, its a gradual process, but remember a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Set yourself a goal of feeling a little bit less anxious then you were today, take it slowly rather than trying to do it in one day. It took a while for you to start thinking negatively and you will need some time to retrain your mind. Cognitive behavioural therapy or CBT really does work and it is a much better long term solution than medication, which doesnt tackle the root of the problem. Finally some of your anxiety may be increased more than nature intends by taking too many stimulants - you should avoid caffeine like the plague and smoking doesn't help either. Marijuana is known to cause anxiety, especially when you are suffering withdrawal - i've read that these symptoms can persist for at least six months because the THC collects in your fat cells and takes ages to break down. So if you have been drinking heaps of coffee and smoking etc try not to worry yourself more than you already are. For everyone else I would recommend what i mentioned earlier, because not only will it change your anxiety, it will transform your life. I have talked to so many people who have completely gotten over their anxiety disorders, and you will too. Every day you learn something new and you learn instinctively what causes it and how to deal with it and reduce it. It won't kill you, it will only make you stronger, believe me. Did you guys know about several famous celebs who used to have anxiety disorders : Oprah, Johnny Depp, Nicholas Cage to name a few, now look at them. Never lose faith guys, even in the darkest of times cause that is one thing we need to get back our lives. If people want to disagree with any of this then please reply, but remember that i am trying to help because i have compassion and I have experienced this debilitating condition. I care about every single one of you, i promise to read your replies and reply to any questions you may have. Please use these forums, as that is what they are here for, it is an easy process to sign up, just put in your email address and a few details and then you get sent a password etc so you can post in to the forums. Be active, get involved, because it is scary to a lot of people out there because they think noone else is going through the same things, when over 15% of the population suffers from some form of anxiety. Lets get this forum happening istead of always leaving it to someone else, make yourselves heard!!! Finally i'm sorry if any of what i have said sounds self rightceousness, its not about bragging, its about helping people because i care and giving them hope. I want all of you to get better. I'd like to leave you with some inspirational quotes. I love you all.

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.
William Blake
Our life is frittered away by detail...simplify, simplify!
HenryDavidThoreau
All the joy in the world comes from focusing on the well-being of others, all the suffering in the world comes from focusing on our own.
Unknown
I'm not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.
Helen Keller

The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.
Anthony Robbins

Maturity begins to grow when you can sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself.
John Macnaughton

The less you open your heart to others, the more your heart suffers.
Deepak Chopra

P.s Another great book that i would thoroughly recommend - Susan Jeffers - Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway - its an excellent book.

 

[Deborah]

Hi, i'm also reading 'The Celestine Prophecy', it was sent to me by a v good friend and now i in turn have bought it as a present for others. After reading this book i looked at life from a different angle, i think in this day in age it's so easy to loose track of the simple things that really matter. I would advise everyone to get a copy, this is a great book to read!

debs

 

[crashmans]

Hey Debs,
Yeah it is a very good book isn't it, glad to hear some more people who have read it. Like you said it is a better, simpler way at looking at life - which is quite often what people with anxiety have difficulty doing - simplifying. Did you find it helpful in regards to your anxiety Debs? I think its optimistic tone is what people need to here wouldn't you agree? Take it easy, crash

 

[Anonymous]

I think that is all good advice, except for the part about getting a job. i think getting a job is too much to cope with, if you have been spending all your time alone in your house. There is alot of pressure, strangers, stress. Also I don't see how doing some meaningless task every day will help anybodys self esteem.
Instead I would suggest people start writing or drawing, that kind of thing, so they are doing something good and worthwhile with their time. Or by 'giving service', maybe do something like helping at an animal rescue centre for free, as doing charity always helps people feel good about themselves

 

[crashmans]

Hey Maria

Hey Maria,
Please let me clarify what I said about getting a job. It's probably something that you wouldn't feel like doing if you were suffering from constant anxiety, particularly if it is meaningless. I guess I really mean that you should find work that is fulfilling and gives you a sense of purpose and meaning in your life. There are people out there though who do crappy jobs like driving a rubbish truck or sweeping streets, but for them it has meaning, they can know that when they go to sleep at night the streets will be clean and tidy. Your job is only what you make it and an anxious person is probably going to find a negative in most jobs because of constant negative thinking, but if you look hard enough you can see there are positives in every line of work. I think that you are right about doing some volunteering or some other things though, because there is less pressure for performance and you know that you are really making a difference and can really feel good about yourself. I think though that a lot of people also feel worthless when they are unemployed, because they have no routine and no money and like it or not, that alienates a person in our society. Writing and drawing are good because they are an outlet for your emotion, music is another form of art usefull for this, but my only concern is that these are very introspective activities and they don't really require you to associate with other people. I guess they are better than thinking about your problems though, so yeah i see where you are coming from there. I firmly believe though that we give and recieve energy from other people and the quality of our lives is reflected by the relationships we have with other people. We have to face our fear of people by....being with people and practicing. You can't possibly solve a problem by avoiding it - "what you resist, persists." I have been to the absolute core of my fear, shyness and anxiety and have found that all things have come from a lack of confidence in myself around other people. But instead of blaming them and taking the poor me attitude, i have chosen to practice my people skills and practice loving everybody instead of trying to find fault in others. I had always had solid friends in my life and i discovered that when i was suffering from intense anxiety it was after i moved to the city and i had no real friends. Intense change can also bring on feeling of anxiety which are completely natural, we have less or no fear though if we have a circle of friends who we can trust and rely on should we get into difficulty. I can't stess the importance of friends enough, because we can't do everything on our own. When we have anxiety we fear that we won't be able to handle things and that is probably natures way of saying "yeah, you're right, you won't be able to handle it on your own, get some mates together, form a tribe, be secure in your environment so you don't feel alone and scared anymore. Instead we go the other way and start to fear other people and isolate ourselves further and further until there is noone left but ourselves. To make friends you have to be a friend, go out on a limb and accept that you might get rejected, but make the effort, because you will find that people actually think you're kinda allright. Once you have a few friends, try to get interested in them and what they are doing in their lives, be inquisitive about what makes them tick, find out what their opinions are, what they believe in etc i'm not saying you have to interrogate them, i'm simply saying that by showing an interest you take the focus off of you and your problems. You may actually find that they start to take an interest in you and what you are doing, because what you give you will get back ten fold, which boosts your esteem and makes you feel wanted and needed and gives you a slight sense of security. "No matter how great a man is, he always hungers for applause." Anyway, i've probalbly said enough for now, i respect your opinion and am glad we had a chance to explain ourselves to each other, keep going hey! crashman

 

[MarCPatt]

feeding a your child

or even better, sweeping the streets may not be so degrading to a person who knows that because of that job they are able to feed their children, parents, or other loved ones. It may not be the job itself, but what they get in return.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Crashmans!
Well, I think SP people are too selfcentered.That`s the fact.As absurd as it sounds,we are obsesed with ourselfs and at the same time, we hate ourselfs.
I`m interested in part about CBT.I`ve been through this therapy for almost two years now,without any medications.I feel very good, self confident,no panick attacks, but am still nervous in some situations.I can`t accept the fact that it will hount me till the rest of my life.Can you tell me if you think SP is completely curable?Are you completely cured?
Thank you!

 

[Anonymous]

Can someone help mi with the author of this book?

Who is the author of The Celestine Prophecy?
Btw, i also suffer from social phobia and has to leave college bcos of it. After a rest of 6 miths n under medication, feeling better, n is out finding a job but couldn't find one. Maybe will get a factory job which i can be quiet n stay alone.

 

[crashmans]

Hey Guest,
Yeah, you are certainly right about SAD people being self centred, no one else gets a chance in our thoughts!! Just like you I have been working with CBT and also my own intuition ie. what is causing my anxiety. There is still the odd occasion when I feel a little anxious, but you must remember that anxiety is a completely normal human reaction to stress. So I only find I get a bit of anxiety occasionally (but it doesn't last long). It's usually when I am going through a big change, ie moving to a new place, or going for a new job - basically times when i am feeling unsure about myself and my abilities. I also find that loneliness doesn't help either. Whats important though is that I can now understand why I am feeling anxious, and by thinking logically and using my CBT skills, I can stop it dead in its tracks. CBT is a slow very slow process, but the good news is that once you practice enough, you start to do things instinctively, without thinking about it. And we all know where thinking gets us!!! I haven't had a panick attack for years and i know i'll never have one again, because i don't fear them anymore. Recently, I have become a huge advocate of getting out there and meeting people and making friends, which not only helps self esteem, but gives you a sense of security as well. It's so nice when you know you are not on your own! This has come about largely through my own intuition, but I have since read about the huge benefits friendship has on our well being. I'm pretty sure love and friendships and security are the cure we are all looking for. So yeah, I'm happy with my life right now and I would encourage people out there to look at doing CBT or read some good books out there, and get out there and participate in life, rather than watching from the sidelines, because you can and will turn things around if you work at it. It will be tough to start off with, but a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, Take it easy.

 

[crashmans]

Eunice, the book is by James Redfield, take care

 

[crashmans]

COGNITIVE BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY WORKSHOP ON THE NET

Hey guys, I discovered a wicked cognitive behavioural therapy workshop on the net (and i'm proud to say its Australian!!!) the address is http://moodgym.anu.edu.au Check it out and let me know how you get on. It is a great introduction plus a bit more, but I also think going to see a CBT specialist or a group is still important, cheers.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Crashmans!
Thank you for your answer.I strongly agree with most of the things you say, especially the part about CBT, although I must say I`ve met a lot of ppl over the net who say they`ve tried it and it doesn`t help.I know it completely changed my life and as you said, it`s a very slow process.You can`t expect to get cured after just couple of weeks,even months.The thing I also find very helpful is to observe other ppl, find their little imperfections, not to concentrate on myself, but on others in social situations.Judge, don`t be the judged.By that I don`t mean you should make fun of others, but just simply get less self involved.Well,I just wanted to say this.
By the way,MoodGYM is great!

 

[crashmans]

Hey Guest,
Thanks for your nice words, glad you liked moodgym as well, its pretty cool huh? Yeah I think people give up on CBT because they are looking for a quick fix or waiting for some miracle cure, when they don't realise that the only reason they are experiencing anxiety is from their way of thinking. Like you said it is a very slow process. I am amazed at these anxiety forums, because people seem to be obsessed with medication and don't even give CBT a thought. I have a couple of posts on different forums and have tried my hardest to help out, but apart from you and maybe one other person there doesn't seem to be too much interest!!!! But you and i both know how far we have come with changing our thinking and changing our lives. You're right about others having inperfections, nobody's perfect and its good that you realise this, as it should make it easier on you. It's important though, not to ever tell others about their inperfections, even if they are obvious, because criticism is cruel and unfair and being criticised is what leads many people to be self conscious and you guessed it.........anxious! We all crave love and encouragement no matter how great we are, we have to learn to accept the encouragement when it is given and forget the negative criticism. We have to realise we are valuable and worthwhile people and the way we feel valuable is by contributing to society, through work, volunteering, socialising etc, rather than sitting inside, pondering our demise, thinking the whole world is against us - which is bullshit!!! Thanks for your kind words guest, i'm glad someone understands where i am coming from. Glad also to know that someone else is losing their fear of anxiety. Good on you.

Some more quotes

There are high spots in all of our lives and most of them have come about through encouragement from someone else. I don't care how great, how famous or successful a man or woman may be, each hungers for applause.
George Matthew Adams

We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.
Jim Rohn

 

[crashmans]

A Nice Little Story I found on the internet

This is a story I found on the internet, not my own experience, although it is very pertinent to anxiety sufferers, you'll see what I mean......

Thinking...

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?" Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's. I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.Unknown

 

[richardashwagar]

my problem

Hello Crashmans

I am 16 years old and am suffering from Social Anxiety and Shyness.
When I am by myself and think of the idea of confrontation it seems effortless and very easy. When thinking about it alone I find no reason why I should not confront people and talk to them.

However, when I am put in the situation I get a huge adrenelaine rush which excites my nervous system and makes it impossible for me to pluck up the courage and mingle with people.

I just wondered if you could give me some tips of how I can overcome my SAD and shyness.

I feel it is impossible to cure and the more time I waste, the less of my life I will enjoy...

Please reply as soon as you can...

Richard

 

[crashmans]

Hey Richard, first of all mate I know how you are feeling and thanks for asking for some advice. Overcoming your fear of social situations will not happen overnight, it will be a slow process, but one you can overcome it if you put your mind to it. You have to start out with very small steps - is there any person or people you feel at least a little comfortable around - maybe a good friend or a close relative? If so, these are the perfect people to start with. Try to practice your socialising skills around these people, be interested in them and what they are doing, rather than wondering if they like you and if you are doing the right thing. You'll find that most people are more concerned about themselves rather than worrying what you are doing. Also Richard, make sure you don't hang around or associate with people who criticise you - because shyness is often caused by someone being frequently belittled and criticised, which is why they are shy and have low self esteem. If someone does criticise you, stand up for yourself - you deserve better mate. Maybe you could look for a group of some sort in your area, because it will be a lot easier for you to feel comfortable with others experiencing the same thing as you, plus you will get better at socialising. You sound pretty switched on for a sixteen year old Richard, and you are certainly doing the right thing just by visiting a forum like this. What you are doing now you should keep up, because you are learning all the time. I would recommend looking up sites on self esteem or buying books on the subject and also finding some inspirational quotes and affirmations to say that will make you feel better about yourself, because like it or not, to be comfortable in social situations you have to be happy with yourself and be happy in your own skin mate. Practice your social skills by talking to others as often as you can, you can even practice to a degree on the phone. Practice one on one, maybe with your neighbour, an old friend from school, the person who delivers you pizza! Anyone you can think of. Remember Richard that a jug fills drop by drop, but you have to put the jug under the tap. In other words, as fearful as it is for you to socialise with other people you have to start somewhere. You simply have to practice being around other people, starting off with one and working up from there. Don't expect massive changes overnight mate, and don't be too hard on yourself. Write yourself small goals and just take it day by day, because at the end of the day we can either live with two things, the pain of discipline or the pain of regret - and I know which one you would choose. I'm sure if you explained your situation to some close friends, even strangers, they would do everything they could to help, including coming around to spend time with you. If they didn't then they are not the sort of friends you need. You'll probably find though that they don't even realise you are uncomfortable. Also mate, if you have been or are smoking any pot you have to give it up because it makes shyness and social anxiety 1000 times worse, and in many cases actually causes it. I'm not saying you are, but just thought that i would mention it just in case. I hope this has been of some help Richard, take it easy mate and keep me posted. Remember to take it day by day, you are only 16 and you have already started to work on your shyness, you won't be shy for too much longer if you keep up your positive attitude and hard work. Good luck mate.

 

[richardashwagar]

thanks for that advise crashmans...

I'm really interested in your situation cus i've never heard of someone who has overcome SAD as much as you seem to have.

I'm taking your advise into action from now on and i'll try and converse with as many people as i can now that my holiday has started.

Just a couple more questions: How long did it take you to reach the point that you're at now from the time when you were very timid in front of others?
Also, do your suggestions (in the previous post) help improve the ability of thinking things up to say in conversation with others (on the spot conversation thinking) or is that an inborn thing that can't be changed through c/behaviour therapy?

Cheers for reading my post,

Richard

 

[crashmans]

Hey Richard,
Thanks for your reply mate. In response to your questions I guess it has taken me eighteen months to two years to overcome sad, but it is subjective, that is you could do it quicker or longer, its really up to you and how much work you are willing to do. I think part of the proplem Richard is that you are worrying too much about what other people are thinking, rather then just acting more natural. Conversation is a two way thing and you are not responsible for keeping the conversation going all the time. When you are next talking to someone try actually listening to what they are saying, rather than worrying about what you are going to say next. A great tip for converation is to ask questions, because it not only shows you are interested, but puts the responsibility on them to talk rather than you. It doesn't mean you should interrogate them, just be interested and ask questions. Maybe you could ask where they are from, then comment on that and ask another question, something like "oh, Australia hey, thats nice, how long have you been in London for then?" Then you could say "2 years hey, oh that's cool, so why did you decide to come to London?" Can you see that by asking questions that don't just ask for a yes or no answer, they have to spend quite some time explaining it to you, but they won't mind, because everyone loves talking about themselves and they will love the fact that you are interested. When they do give you an answer remember to comment on it and then either tell them something about your experiences or ask another question. There is no shame in having SAD Richard and it is completely curable, all you have to do is practice. Its like anything, if you want to get good at playing the guitar, you have to play it - not think about playing it, or read about playing it. That's why it is important for you to put some of the things you have learned into practice, because believe it or not you can only get better at something when you practice - it is impossible to get worse. Write yourself a few goals, be disciplined, it will feel unnatural and mechanical for a long time, but you willl eventually do it instinctively. You have already made the decision to improve your people skills and you will gain more and more self confidence and self esteem evertime you practice. Remember, a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. It may be hard to discipline yourself, but you have to ask what is worth, the pain of discipline or the pain of regret! Don't worry about making mistakes and scaring someone off (last count there were about 350 million English speaking people you can practice on!!!) It is a great feeling when you can just talk to anyone and not feel self conscious, you feel totally in control. Remember next time you are talking to someone that they are probably nervous about talking to you as well, pretend you are less nervous and imagine that you are the strong one. When you start having a few successes congratulate yourself and keep going. Every time you practice you will get slowly stronger even if it doesn't feel like it straight away. Can you see that the worst thing you can do is seclude yourself? If you are scared of other people, your cure lies with the same people. You have to expose yourself to your fear time and time again until it no longer scares you, but you will need discipline Richard. Most people usually fear the unfamiliar, eg spiders, heights, water and in the case of SAD, people and social situations. This simply means that SAD sufferers are unfamiliar with social situations and need more practice so they become familiar! I hope this makes sense mate, but I just know that you are determined to cure youself and I'm sure you will. It is not a disease anyway, you are simply lacking skill in this area and to improve you have to practice, like all things. Nobody is born as an exceptional public speaker or conversationalist, it takes practice and there is no reason why you can't be standing in front of a huge crowd one day addressing them as if there was only one other person there. If you practice hard enough, and start doing things instinctively you may become the greatest communicator the world has ever seen. You are still so young Richard, you have many skills to learn and you will only get better with time. Don't be impatient, just put together a strategy and be disciplened, get out of your comfort zone and into the unfamiliar and you will not regret it in years to come. Cheers.

 

[Anonymous]

CBT

Hi I read what you wrote about CBT and it is amazing but you have to do it yourself, you can't do it "for" anyone else, you can't do it to prove yourself to others.

I stopped being afraid the police were after me because I looked at the advantages and disadvantages of feeling angry because about being (as I thought) bugged and then I looked at the advantages and disadvantages of thinking other people's view of me was more valid than my own even if they were wrong (core belief) and the next day a police car overtook me and I did not even think about it and I really quite like the police now.

But I find you have to keep on working at it, I am a bit lazy and I get back into old habits of thinking very easilyl