savage_beagle
Well-known member
HI. I try to keep my comments positive and insightful on this forum. Ocassionally i too need to express my feelings of sadness too. I awoke about 30 mins ago becuz i was tossing and turning, my mind was being battered by a dark storm that sometimes likes to pop in and leave its dark clouds. I don't remember all the fine details, but in it , i hear and see my father. In my dreams, i am young and i see and hear my father...as negative and selfish in all his glory. Trust me when i tell you, this guy was and is a prick (jerk aint dead yet). In my dreams , he is criticizing, scolding, yelling, putting me down. Always full of anger, always sulking. I hear my voice (i dont see myself) asking for things, like a child asks normally of a parent. Things like how about going to the park across the street, or asking if we can one day go fishing, can i have a dog, or just to come away from his tv set and look at the puzzle i might of just made. His answers were always NO and ''stop bothering me''--''leave me alone''. A dickhead is a dickhead. I also see and hear him yelling and criticizing my mother and threatening my older brothers with harm if they didnt listen to as ''commanded''. I now realize he was the root of my self esteem problems and my anxiety and depression. When i awake in the morning and i am in a bad mood, it is becuz he is stuck in my head and its my lifetime job to forget the past (he has been dead to me for 13 years-tho still alive) and remember my life lessons on how not to be a jerk like him. This is why i post positive comments and how negativity can ruin your confidence and self esteem, leading to depression, anxiety and other issues. Thank you for those who read this, i just needed to say this.
