That guy

[Ayla]

My ex-spouse is threatening me with suicide. I mean - threatening me. He says he's depressed, that I'm his soulmate, and because he doesn't have me he will inevitably kill himself. But...he insists on threatening only me with it. I called his parents, and his friend - he won't talk to them about it, but he wants to talk to me about it all the time.

Last night, he told me that if I didn't spend all night up with him, talking, that he would kill himself. I didn't, and he didn't. I was up all night by myself, lying in bed, starring at the wall, knowing it was probably just an attempt to keep my attention, but never being wholly sure. Well, he got my attention. He got what he wanted. He sent shock waves through my life; ruined 24 hours of my time, because he's that willing to say anything to get my attention and sympathy.

He thinks that I love him but deny it. He thinks we're soulmates. I wish we had never met. I lost everything because I went along with him...spent so much unhealthy time with him. Even now, I'm sitting alone, writting about him, instead of talking to anyone at school, or doing my work, or playing a sport, or having fun. I'm focused on him, still.

Don't look for terminal love - relationships that you belong to, that define you, that take over and become your life.

I'm going to smoke, because that's what I do when I can't do anything else.
Thanks for listening.

 

[Evanescent1980]

"Your life is yours alone - rise up and live it."

You don't owe him anything. You were unhappy in the relationship, and it is your right, to end it. Don't let yourself be held prisoner - he's highly unlikely to commit suicide (it's easy to talk about doing it, but the actual act takes a lot of guts).

Your best bet is to completely cut off comunication with him, and let him firmly know about your intentions. After that don't return his phone calls, e-mails, etc. Do it not only for your sake, but also for his - the sooner he loses any hope, the sooner he'll be able to move on and start healing. The best break, is a clean break - you don't want to end up in a never-ending limbo with a relationship that's going nowhere.

A word of caution - be firm, but also be careful, you don't want him to hurt you physically, make sure you have a friend nearby whenever there's a chance of running into him.

BTW - quit smoking - it's a really crappy habit. Make it your break-up resolution.

 

[exuser01]

The guy is a mental midget. He has no faith in himself so he clings to you.

This is what you do,
tell him you have an STD(ew?) or that you are pregnant. You could also tell him that you use to be a big rugged man and got a swift sex change a few years ago. WARNING: May tarnish reputation.

When a guy has a crush, ummm, well it's a lot like those eddie money songs if you have ever heard them. It's hard cause some guys(umm me) set their sites on one girl, and have an inability to look elsewhere.

 

[Ayla]

You could also tell him that you use to be a big rugged man and got a swift sex change a few years ago. WARNING: May tarnish reputation.

An excellent idea - but I don't think he'll buy it. See, I didn't mention that this guy is the father of my one year old - so he's aware of certain anatomical normalities...

and evanescent, I actually don't normally smoke. Its habit that resurfaces when I'm stressed....i won't buy another pack, I swear!

and Harvey - I don't know about his parents - although they live in a different part of the country.

things are calming down now - I have cut him off talking to me. He only communicates about our daughter through my mother.

Thanx for listening

 

[Ayla]

wow. Thanks for posting that article worrydoll. Its was really helpfull - mostly because it confirms that what I have done now is the right thing, and the things that I know I was doing wrong.