Taking a big Step in my life and I'm EXTREMELY stressed...

[nope1]

During these 2 years, I have been in depression because of a vacation I had. I stutter and wasn't used to having lots of people in one environment, plus I stutter. So I cracked.
I returned home but then, I just couldn't go to college, I litteraly cracked. I couldn't talk to my best friend, my family. I was in another world.
Well, Right now, I'm consulting a psychologist and a speech therapist. And I decided to go to university and study "International Development and Globalization".
But I have so many doubts. I'm good in computers but I don't want it as a carreer but only as a hobby, because the computers was like a drug for me, keeping me from interacting with people. It drawed me into this little bubble, forgetting the outside world. And I hate that. I don't even know if the course I'm willing to take is really for me, I'm LOST.

I have to take additional courses to go to U, but I have doubts, Is this program for me? Should I take it slowly? (I want to enter University in Septembre), Should I get a part-time job to be able to interact with people then see what's gonna happen?

Because this social phobia really destroyed my life, I worry about Everything! I even worry having conversation with my best friend since this 2 years depression.

Well, just wanted to share my thought for some advice, because I can't take anymore...

 

[blubs]

hi there
I'd say not to rush into anything.
Maybe try to understand your problems a little better...& really think about what you want from your university course...& also what you'll be expected to do...& if you think you'll be able to manage.
& this is general advice...(from someone who's getting on a bit...who really struggled with University)..get some practical life skills. If you can't already...learn to cook...to drive etc.
It's a lot easier to cope if you feel independant...the first time I went to Uni (there were many )...I felt like a child....I got dropped off at my new student-house...& realised I didn't know how to even find the university!
I know this isn't specific advice for your problems...I can only pass on thoughts about my experiences...& that's what I think would have helped me...to have spent some time learning how to look after myself before I went to college.

 

[Jack-B]

Before you make any big decisions about anything, you need to unplug.

What i mean is that when making decisions it's easy to go back over, re think things, assess, make judgements etc all this needs to be put in order so you can limit your thinking about it. Get a large a3 pad and brainstorm some ideas about what you think or feel you should do and go for it. Then its all down you can forget it for a while and have a rest.

It's easy to get lost when there's lot's to think about and hard decisions to be made you just need to organise your thoughts so you can see them then take a break. Give thinking a rest, calm your mind. Make decisions with a clear light mind.

As for what you decide, make small goals in reaffirming your self back into society, there's no rush or big expectation on you, unless you set the bar. So, take it slow, calm, assured, confident. This can happen if you dont over do it and push your self beyond your capacity.

Good luck, take care

Jack

 

[nope1]

Thanks for the replies.
I know what you mean by don't over do it. But I just hate this SA, it's destroying me. Maybe it's because I was bullied when I was in high school due to my stuttering and instead of talking about it getting help and defending my self, I shut myself down.

I'm going to be living at home, with my parents so that's less stress. I registered at an adult school to get the courses needed. But I'm telling myself that I need to get confortable socially to be ready for university. So I have to write the steps needed in order to be ready.

What do you think?

 

[Jack-B]

A useful thing that helped me was to realise, i wasn't my SA. So i couldnt be destroyed, who was being destroyed?

Anxiety is part of the mind, but is not the mind itself. Just like how the body and mind are part of the self but are not the self.

So, anxiety is not who you are, it's part of your mind, it cant destroy you, your self. Our minds are habitually out of control, so we cant understand who we really are, so we need to get the control back.

It's like our minds are dirty and need a good clean. So SA is like this dirt, that can be removed. Because we identify with this dirt, we feel dirty and depressed. When we feel more like our self, we are at peace, our mind isnt filled with dirt. Its exactly why that when we are anxious we dont feel our self do we?

I am not the dirt (SA) that appears in my mind, so i dont need to demolish/attack my self.

Yeah, great idea, write the steps, do whatever you feel will be beneficial.
Just set your self small realistic goals and you will definitely gain confidence and grow stronger. You can push your self that little bit harder without becoming discouraged because you wont be identifying anxiety as your self.

Good luck

Jack

 

[nope1]

Hmm, I know what you mean.... It's hard to do but I know what you mean... Our "true" self is hidden behind this SA "dirt", so we can't enjoy the thing in front of us.

But what I meant about destroying me is that, if I stay still, my life will just go away.

But I have a dillema. I'm good in computers, I know a lot of stuff that I could have an A+ Certification with ease, So I could go study Computers at University or College. But when I am in front of them, I forget the world, I become in this bubble to forget the outside world. My SA then is at a high level.
And I used computers as a "drug" to get out from society.

That's why I told my self that I want to study something not even related to computers. But I have doubts, many doubts. Am I being too harsh on myself? Can I force myself to be different, to force myself out of my SA? or is it just a dream....

 

[thequietone]

I think if you really love computers, if you have this talent with them or whatever it would be a shame to give up those aspirations. It is possible to get over SA, or at least, it is possible to live a fulfilling life. People have done it (not me but...well, others ). I think you can spend time with computers and with real people, the best of both realms. I guess the question is, do you like computers or do you like the fact that they provide this "bubble world"?

 

[nope1]

I think you can spend time with computers and with real people, the best of both realms. I guess the question is, do you like computers or do you like the fact that they provide this "bubble world"?

I think I like the fact that they provide me in this bubble and I just don't think about anything else. My problems are gone, and I don't think about my anxiety too much.

I went to the adult school, took 2 courses. It's stressing as hell. I think about how I need to be there each day and that I'll talk to people, I'll have to let them know me, talk with them each day... (Even tho it's individualised courses).
It freaks me out. Then, after school, I just want to be alone, I want to talk to no one. I say to myself, I have to speak, or else, I'll appear llike a loner. Maybe it isn't the right thinking but damn It's stressing. But I have to say no matter what happens, I can't give up. I just can't. But I'll need courage, a hell lot of it.