Well, college is starting again here in Portugal and I'm so freaking anxious...
I've been in college for 3 YEARS now and I have only 1 friend and she's not that trustworthy, sometimes I talk to a few other girls but it's rare and I spend a lot of time feeling lonely in college, so it's very sad.
Everyone has a group, everyone knows everyone but I'm different. And when I think about trying to meet some of my colleagues, I remember that they have known me for 3 years and never tried to talk to me, and they probably have a really bad opinion about me. I'll explain why: On my first year there, I got along really well with this girl and she seemed very sweet, however, after a while, my friend (the only one I have in college) started to warn me about stuff that she was saying about me, really non-sense/sh*ty stuff like: "she looks like a virgin but I bet she's a wh***", "she's anti-social", "she's always crying and she is damaged" (I never opened up to her, I never told her that, she just made that up)...and she's probably the most popular girl there, she knows everyone, and her favorite hobby is to talk about other people. So, I obviously never spoke to her again... but now I know that she made sure that everyone dislked me. (I'm almost certain she did that because sometimes it seemed like her boyfriend was trying to flirt with me, but I never answered him or I was rude to him when I'd notice that was happening...I know this isn't an excuse to her behaviour, but I assume that's the reason)
Another thing that happened which left me very uncomfortable: One day I went to a college party (first year of college, when I was still trying...) and this guy started to talk with me and my friend, and we actually got along really well. Then, my friend decided to ask him "So, is there anyone that you dislike from our classes?" and he talked about some girl...and then he said he used to find me unfriendly, because I was always alone and I never smiled, but now that he was talking to me he was actually enjoying my company.....but I didn't even care about the present, and I just started crying in front of me (it was so freaking embarassing...I had a few drinks before), telling him about how I used to be bullied all my life until I was 18 years old and he ended up feeling pretty bad about himself, apologizing a lot, and never talked to me again...I scared the guy, and now I'm sure he has told some people about it, and, you know, that kind of stuff spreads around many people.
So...Since these people have known/seen me for 3 years and never talked to me, probably have already heard weird/bad stuff about me, is there still a chance for me? Should I try to know someone? If so, HOW???
I just feel weird around everyone at college because I'm so different, and I always feel lonely and anxious, I wish this could stop but I don't know how.
I'd enjoy your advices, and it would be good to talk to someone too...Do you know when I can use the chat room?
P.S: I'm starting therapy soon.
I've been in college for 3 YEARS now and I have only 1 friend and she's not that trustworthy, sometimes I talk to a few other girls but it's rare and I spend a lot of time feeling lonely in college, so it's very sad.
Everyone has a group, everyone knows everyone but I'm different. And when I think about trying to meet some of my colleagues, I remember that they have known me for 3 years and never tried to talk to me, and they probably have a really bad opinion about me. I'll explain why: On my first year there, I got along really well with this girl and she seemed very sweet, however, after a while, my friend (the only one I have in college) started to warn me about stuff that she was saying about me, really non-sense/sh*ty stuff like: "she looks like a virgin but I bet she's a wh***", "she's anti-social", "she's always crying and she is damaged" (I never opened up to her, I never told her that, she just made that up)...and she's probably the most popular girl there, she knows everyone, and her favorite hobby is to talk about other people. So, I obviously never spoke to her again... but now I know that she made sure that everyone dislked me. (I'm almost certain she did that because sometimes it seemed like her boyfriend was trying to flirt with me, but I never answered him or I was rude to him when I'd notice that was happening...I know this isn't an excuse to her behaviour, but I assume that's the reason)
Another thing that happened which left me very uncomfortable: One day I went to a college party (first year of college, when I was still trying...) and this guy started to talk with me and my friend, and we actually got along really well. Then, my friend decided to ask him "So, is there anyone that you dislike from our classes?" and he talked about some girl...and then he said he used to find me unfriendly, because I was always alone and I never smiled, but now that he was talking to me he was actually enjoying my company.....but I didn't even care about the present, and I just started crying in front of me (it was so freaking embarassing...I had a few drinks before), telling him about how I used to be bullied all my life until I was 18 years old and he ended up feeling pretty bad about himself, apologizing a lot, and never talked to me again...I scared the guy, and now I'm sure he has told some people about it, and, you know, that kind of stuff spreads around many people.
So...Since these people have known/seen me for 3 years and never talked to me, probably have already heard weird/bad stuff about me, is there still a chance for me? Should I try to know someone? If so, HOW???
I just feel weird around everyone at college because I'm so different, and I always feel lonely and anxious, I wish this could stop but I don't know how.
I'd enjoy your advices, and it would be good to talk to someone too...Do you know when I can use the chat room?
P.S: I'm starting therapy soon.