stabbed in the back What would you do?

[dclews]

Hi all.

For the last few weeks or more I have been dealing with extreme anxiety. I have been stabbed in the back someone I thought was a very close friend. Basically this "friend" is in deep financial trouble and has come to me for money (not small money) and I have refused. This "friend" motivated by spite and jealousy has set me up for financial/ tax hassle. She has stabbed in the back. This person does not know that I know this. Also this "friend" is very "sociable" and she knows almost everyone I know. This "friend" has now started strengthening her alliances and I believe this "friend" will start driving a wedge between myself and almost everyone I know. I feel she is out to do her best to destroy me. I have seen her destroy others in similar ways. She is two faced beyond the meaning of the word. I believe that I am liked by almost everyone I know but as I too have to deal with social anxiety I keep myself to myself most of the time. Should I keep quiet about this or should I tell everyone I know what is going on? That may make me look bad and I do not know who I can trust not to take her side. This is a knot in my stomach.

Would appreciate some advice here?

Although I need advice on how to handle this I'm finding this site very useful to deal with panic and anxiety

edit: no affiliate sites please.

 

[tommydog]

Yep. Hows that saying go again ? something something .. like a scorned woman ?

You have to get on with your business and not indulge in nastiness and backstabbing yourself. Dont run to your friends and try to tell them your side, or say negative things about her, or generally run around like a chook with your head cut off trying to counter everything she says and does.

What will end up happening is that you will lose and theres a few reasons for that but I wont go into them unless you ask.

Most people arnt as stupid as they look and soon form thier own opinions. If you continue to be respectful and not engage in any of this, your friends wont turn against you, they will see through it and not take her too seriously.

 

[dclews]

Thank you for that. Yes I know deep down what you say is correct but the mind tends to be racing around everywhere thinking the worst. And what I could do. And how can any human go so low as this? I just can't find words to describe her. I have been used all along. It just stinks. She is a damn reptile. It's hard to focus on anything else. I find it hard to relax and focus.

 

[Primrose]

Hi dclews,

I've had a similar experience in the past which resulted in my then 'friend' spreading lies about me to my good friends purely out of spite and jealousy.

The most important thing is to try and deal with the financial/tax issue as best you can and as calmly as you can. The one thing your frenemy is counting on is you floundering and getting in trouble - so try your best to stay in control of the situation so they know you're stronger than they think.

I totally agree with Tommy_15

Trust in your good friends. If people know you well they'll be able to spot a spiteful person a mile off, it might take them a while, but they will spot it....

Remove this 'friend' from your life little by little. Don't get drawn into talking behind their back (even to the people they're poisoning), slowly but surely your friends will work out that this 'friend' is the only one with the nasty tongue and remove them from their lives too.

Only if they ask what's wrong do you explain it to them - and be truthful, but also make a point of saying that you hold no grudges, you just intend to 'RISE ABOVE IT'. It's the most powerful way of dealing with people like this, they want to break you, but if don't allow them, they become powerless.

I know what you mean about feeling anger towards this person and being unable to understand why someone would be so hurtful and mean. It's a horrible feeling. The second that you resolve the situation in your mind by taking a deep breath and letting go of it, you'll feel heaps better.

I also found candle concentration meditation very helpful - as you breathe in imagine your mind and body being filled with positive bright light and as you exhale imagine all the negative feelings about the person, the situation and your doubts completely leave your body. Keep doing that at least 3 times a day and I promise it will help give you some objectivity on the situation so you can begin to let go.

Sorry for the ramble. lol

 

[dclews]

Thank you for your help. updated

I was thinking of sending out an email to all that know me as follows:

Dear friends
I feel I need to write this email to, in a way protect myself.
First of all I will not mention any names. I will call this friend “x” I have recently had a friend come to me asking for a large loan of cash.

(personal stuff removed)

And I have certainly not been in a position to give out loans to anyone.
Now I have loaned “x” a large sum of cash in the past but at this time I had to say “NO” as politely as I could.
This friend has turned on me in such a way I find very hard to believe out of pure spite and jealously. It is a vicious stab in the back. Not only has this person caused me great stress emotionally and psychologically, but because of the unbelievable lengths “this person” has gone to I have had speak to a tax accountant about my tax situation. My accountant has assured me I have nothing to be concerned about.
Now the reason I write this is because “this person” is now saying things to people that know me anything “x” can find to make me look bad. “x” will take the smallest thing I have ever said and blow it up out of all proportion in an attempt to destroy my reputation and credibility.
All I ask is that as soon as you hear anyone saying anything to make me look bad then please either let me know by email or by just calling me. You do not have to mention any names because I will know who it is and by this time sadly you will too.
I realise that I am not the most sociable of people to get along with, but those of you who know me well, will know that I have a deep sense integrity and loyalty.
Yours sincerely

Should I send this email out to everyone that knows me or just leave it and see what happens?

Thanks

 

[Caseums21]

It's good that you were able to tell her no. I was asked by a good friend for money (that was a lot) and then once he got it, he moved about 2 months later to another state. I sued him and he still won't pay me back so I have to take him back to court. The good news is, he'll have to pay me back and also pay for all the money that I had to pay for court.

Who cares what people say (I know, easier said then done). Everything will be fine. Just don't go to her level and do what she is doing to you. Karma will get her back.

tommy_15 pretty much said everything right especially about friends won't turn against you.

You definitely did the right thing of not giving her the money. At least you could tell her no, I have trouble doing that. Just know that you did that right thing because things would have been worse if you did give her the money and she wouldn't pay you back. Going to court sucks.

 

[lonely_world]

Stab back! 8O