sooooo lonely

[Layla]

i just need to whine...i got into a fight with my only girlfriend, we're not talking at all, and i have no interest in reconciling, turns out she's not a good friend at all. I felt that i was just someone for her to call up when she didnt have her other best friend to hang with. They got into a fight, so she came to me, and then I backed away cause i knew she wasnt being genuine. It sucks.
So i have no girlfriends at all. I have a few guy friends, who i feel much more comfortable with. I can usually be myself around them, i worry less. But i cannot talk to girls, i just can't. I get so nervous. Im terrified of rejection. Im in university too. My first year I made lots of friends, then it just sorta stopped. I talk to no one & feel everyone is looking at me, like they can sense it. I focus too much on myself, i can't just be.

Feeling so down & lonely. I dont know if Ill ever be able to make new friends. I just listen to The Shins over and over.

I'm trying to join activities at school, like the newspaper, but its just not working out for some reason.
Ive tried really hard to stop blaming myself- like believing there's something serious defective about me. Its hard though.
I guess my point is, im feeling real low & lonely. I really need some solace.


thanks.

the times are changed, and we are changed in them.

 

[Emma]

Hi,
I feel sooo lonely too, I had bitchy friends like that, I wonder why it is that some girls can be so bitchy and why it's sometimes it's harder to talk to them.
At least you have guy friends, they probably won't get all bitchy and mean towards you.
well, your'e not all alone, I feel like I'm defective alot of the time.
If people reject you it's their loss, they'll be the ones who miss out on having you as a friend.
I know it sounds mean, but I always find comfort in writing a nasty story about the people who hurt me, complete with drawings, maybe you can try that, I don't know if it will work, but sometimes it's funny

 

[dzerklis]

hey, maybe getting online friends would help? also, you yourself can always be your best friend.

 

[Sable]

I can't seem to get on well with girls either. I always feel totally intimidated by them, like they are judging me all the time, and that I am being compared to them by other people (especially guys). Guys are much easier to get along with, but there's always the danger they'll try it on at some point or other, which also makes me uncomfortable.

I found in my first year at college I was burning myself out, trying to get into everything I could so that people would find me interesting. By the time the second year came around I couldn't handle anything anymore and left. I know it sounds cliched, but I think it's best to try to be yourself, and not take on more than you can handle. Sorry I can't do any better with the advice, I'm not exactly in a position to hand out wisdom!

Or if you're feeling really bad you could try talking to your uni councellor? You're bound to have one lying around somewhere, and just to talk to a 'real' person about it might help, even if it's just to get it off your chest.

 

[thequietone]

I think it's very important to not blame yourself, Layla. The criticism for many of us---me too---- comes from the inside, and that is the worst. It's more difficult to change your opinions about yourself. Self blame and guilt is a lifestyle. It's very hard to change the way you've always lived your life but it is possible.

My university experience was much the same. I made a couple friends in the beginning, I shoved myself out there, but it was so torturous. And absolutely EXHAUSTING.
My best advice is to go easy on yourself.
I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist. I believe I need to live up to my ideals, I want to be a perfect person and when I can't do it, self esteem goes down the drain. If you find that it is easier to be sympathetic toward other people, step away from yourself and evaluate yourself as though you were a stranger. Recognize that this area of life is difficult for you and if you want to make a change, it is a courageous step and has to be taken with care.
Best of luck.

 

[Layla]

thank you for all your replies! seriously, I really appreciate it. This place is such a comfort to me, and to so many others I imagine, and the purpose of it is to talk about our feelings with others who have the capacity to understand. Nobody should be slamming ANYBODY else for expressing their sadness or restlessness or fears. that's what were here for. To support each other.

thanks again
meow