Social Phobia? Help

[Fields76589]

Hi everyone.

I am new to these forums but I am someone who thinks that I have social phobia.

The smallest tasks like saying hello to someone or calling someone by their first name in person frightens me for some weird unknown reason.

For example, I would see someone say "Hey Mark, can I borrow your pencil?" or something like that. However, I would never be able to say that. The most I would be able to say is "Hey, uh do you think I can borrow your pencil?" WITHOUT saying the person's name because of the fear I have. I really think the person is going to snap at me and say "Why are you talking to me?!" It's an irrational fear I know, but it exists and I can't get rid of it.

Why am I too scared and nervous to say people's names to their faces? I have friends who do this with ease but i always end up just saying "hey" or "yo" to someone else instead of their name and it drives me nuts every time I do it. I really think the other person will snap at me for calling them by their name even though I know it is just their name and how could they get offended and snap? But, I can't get this fear out of my head.

Also, when I'm around other people I don't know and they are having a conversation, my mind is literally blank with nothing in it except for thoughts on "What if I say something stupid and they start judging me?" All these thoughts are racing through my head with nothing to add to the conversation. Then, when everyone else leaves and it's just me and my close friends, it's like my mind is "back" and I can think straight and have a normal conversation and shout and make jokes and everything.

I really hope someone takes the time to read this because I've been struggling with this for a while and finally started to look it up online. I am reading about social phobia right now as well.

Can someone please shed some insight on why I am this way and what I need to do to help me get over these irrational stupid fears?

 

[Infected_Malignity]

Dude, doubt it's social phobia. Doubt it's even classifiable as a phobia, but more of a fear. I've felt the same way, or at least toward certain people, whereas other people I'm fine with calling by their real name. This shit's common, I wouldn't stress it homie.

 

[ChatMauve]

I'm the same, I can't say a person name. Even when I had a girlfriend I couldn't call her by her name. I also get the "blank mind" when I'm with a group of people. It really get annoying but it's not that much of a big deal so I try not to think about it.

Oh and infected_malignity, a phobia is an incontrollable, irrational, and persistent fear of something that of certain situations, objects, activities, or persons that poses little or no actual danger. And if you want to be specific, it's the Greek word for fear. So let's call it a lesser phobia .

 

[alter_ego]

I don't know if this will help or not but try to remember that people LIKE to be called by their name. It makes conversations much more friendly and informal. For instance, I hate to be called Miss (surname) when I go to the optician's or wherever but I feel more relaxed when they use my first name.

When I want to get someone's attention, I always begin a conversation with their name and I think it's much more friendly when anyone uses my name to get my attention too. And remember something else: if you've only just met someone they're always flattered when you remember their name.

I know phobias are an irrational fear and difficult to overcome but maybe it will help.

 

[NewDawnFades]

Hey Fields,

I just read about everything you have been going through and it does seem that you do have a bit of social phobia, but in a more isolated aspect. I have struggled with this for a long time, except with much more intensity. After doing a large amount of research, I have been able to understand it a lot better. That helps greatly when trying to express this to a doctor, if you decide to seek the help of one.

For your situation specifically though, I'd like to offer a some things that might help you get past the things that you are struggling with.

First, I want to mention that what Alter_Ego wrote about saying the first name is one of the best things that you can do to begin and use during a conversation. I won't bore you with specifics, but just say that when our name is called in a casual conversation, especially one on one, it innately gives us a sense that the person or persons have some recognition of us, so it automatically sets our minds at ease when talking to them.

Second, as far as eye contact, I know it can be difficult, but it is important. This also gives the other(s) a sense that you know that they are there. It doesn't matter about the situation, the key is to establish some eye contact. This is generally tough for me, but I have learned that you gain a large amount of respect this way as well. Start by keeping as much eye contact as you can while you are listening to them, and then work your way up to keeping that eye contact while you talk to them as well.

Third, use humor and light-hearted talk to help ease rough spots, like a "lull" in a conversation. It's no big deal, they happen. But, you will find that no matter what, everybody enjoys some amount of humor in their lives. As bad as I suffer from anxiety and depression, I still like to smile. When I'm around someone with a light-hearted spirit, it makes even dark days seem brighter.

Fourth, you must work on letting go of what someone might be thinking about you when you are in a social setting. No doubt, this is the main reason that you are going "blank". I know this all to well. Think about it this way... The only thing that you can control is how you react in a social setting. So, why are you worrying about what it is that you cannot control? If you try these ideas in a social setting, you will see that they will make a positive difference here.

I am a realist, and know that they are easier said than done, but I know that they really do help a great deal. In time, these situations will become easier and easier to handle. Right now, your comfort level with these situations are not that solid as you are with your friends. That is understandable, but the more that you give yourself some credit, and not worry yourself about what others are thinking, you will find the "blank" in conversations, begin to become less and less. These situations will turn into new friendships and a gaining of respect for you.

Well, I hope that I may have been able to help some here. Like I said, it is not easy. But, I think that with the same strength that you used to gain the friendships that you have, you will also use to beat the fears that you are struggling with now, too.

Let us know how everything is going and take care of yourself...

Sincerely,

David (NewDawnFades)

 

[EveM]

I get that name thing too so you're not alone! Just sometimes I feel weird saying someone's name like I feel it sounds stupid when I say it, but it's so random usually if you try not to think about it, you won't notice.