So Humiliated

[Moonie]

Well, I think my drinking escapades finally took me to an extreme. On Thursday, my creative writing class had to meet at a cafe and read a scene from our stories. A guy from my class asked if I wanted to go to the bar beforehand and have a couple drinks. I have drank before class on other occasions, so thought all would go okay. Well, I didn't have dinner that night and drank some coke/vodka before going to the bar. I wanted something to relax me for our walk there. Well, when at the bar I had a beer and long island iced tea.

I was okay when we showed up to the class- heard one person read their story and don't remember the rest of the class. I think we may (well me) have been kicked out. I remember waiting for our ride with the guy outside the cafe. Then when I got back to my on campus apartment I went upstairs to see if this guy that I am sort of friends with was there. He was working, but his roommates were there and some of his friends. I don't know them too well, but have hung out with them a couple times. Well, I was a total mess and falling like crazy. One of the guys had to call my boyfriend to come get me. Then I acted a fool in my apartment, bumped into a fire extinguisher and now have a big cut on my forehead area. So now I am embarrassed to show my face around my apartment building or around my own roommates.

For now I am saying that I am not going to drink again, or at least for the next whole month. But a part of me knows that I won't make it. There are times when I can drink a bit, get a nice buzz, but nothing out of control. But then, I will drink too much and make a total fool of myself. It's not fair. I probably need help, but am too shy to seek it.

 

[crazyfairyx]

I feel for you, the morning after is always the worst.

Maybe you should try and get some help with drinking? I'm not suggesting that you're addicted, but it sounds like maybe you use it as a crutch to help you with your anxiety, which is pretty unhealthy. Maybe you could contact AA and see if you can get help without having to go to meetings? There might be some form of online support, but I'm not sure. I think lots of people with anxiety end up relying a bit too much on alcohol, I've done it myself, gotten too nervous when out socialising and ended up drinking far too much because of it and getting myself into a state. I now only drink when I'm happy, comfortable and know I'm with at least one person I can trust 100%, I'll have one or two when socialising with people I'm not entirely comfortable with, but I limit myself to that cos I know otherwise I will keep drinking in hope that it will numb my anxiety.

 

[Gloomy]

Yesterday I drank some rum to give me courage to go to the store. I underestimated how much the Zoloft I'm taking would increase the effect of the alcohol so I ended up getting quite drunk. Though I had enough since to not go to the store. I did chat on msn and behaved like a fool. Then I just passed out on the couch.

 

[B]

I went through two humiliating drunken experiences when I was younger. Pretty much everyone I know has gone through it. It's part of growing up. Seeing people again after you made a drunken fool of yourself is a shitty experience, but life goes on. Even when you're really drunk you've still got that voice in your head that tells you you're probably acting like a fool. Experiences like this teach us to listen to it.