sinking

[smof]

I get depressed on and off, since about 6 years ago. Usually around October/November it gets a lot worse for 2 or 3 months and is pretty much constant (I figure I've got SAD) but even the rest of the year it seems to come and go for a week or 2 or 3 at a time.

I don't really know why. I think it's kind of connected to social anxiety. I mean, I feel like if I didn't have the anxiety and could connect to people like I want, I would have no reason to get depressed. But it still kind of takes me by surprise. Like, since NYE I've been feeling all right, not great but okay, and even felt quite upbeat the last couple of days. But about an hour ago I just seemed to sink. Like an engine running out of fuel, you know what I mean? I can feel myself getting lower, I'm feeling bored and restless but I know if I try and do something like watch TV or read a book I won't be able to concentrate. In another hour or so I could well be feeling really miserable and hopeless and possibly crying.

Pisses me off cos I KNOW this, I can see the signs and watch it happen, but I can't seem to control it. I think I've just learned to let it take over. I mean, it almost feels good - well not good, but comforting. Very familiar. I always think, when I'm really depressed, it's quite a good place to be because you can't go any further down. Being happy is a nice idea, but it can fuck up so easily. Depression is almost like a drug.

I don't know what I'm trying to say here. I guess I just wanted to ramble.

 

[Elulla]

Hi i'm new here just recently joined, and I know that sinking feeling all too well.

It's not that I don't like feeling happy it's just that no sooner do you feel happy and that things aren't that bad something happens and you can see and feel it starting.

I Think thats whats annoying about it, because you know its coming and theres not much you can do (or even sometimes want to do) about it.

I've been feeling good for a while now and over the past few weeks I have started that slide down again, and its getting harder each time to keep up the pretences to people around me because i don't really give a s***e at the mo.

so your not alone with that thought I know just how you feel.

Thats one of the reasons I was looking for somewhere like this so I can at least share with those that do understand and don't judge you for it. So as a newbie this is my first post, hello all! and I hope to find some peace in the knowledge I can come here and understand others and myself!

Oh and if its rambling then ramble on, thats what i seem to do!

 

[**removed**]

I am the same in a continual cycle. Sometimes I just get depressed and feel hopeless for no particular reason but other times its triggered by something.. more often than not due to medical conditions i have that get me really down.