I’ve had this problem for a while now but I’ve recently became single from a long relationship where I didn’t have to deal with being shy. But now that I’m single again I really want to overcome this issue that has been dragging my life down. Here is the problem: I don’t consider myself to have social anxiety to the point that I cannot talk to anyone or have hypertension at a party or get together. My issue is that if I am around a group of people that I don’t know, or don’t know very well, then as long as I have one person that I’m friends with around me I seem to be ok. I’m able to talk to other people and even though I may not open up a lot or show them by true side of me I’m still able to carry on a decent conversation and joke around. I guess I would consider this because I’m in a somewhat neutral spot with having at least one friend around me. Now, on the other hand, if I’m around people I don’t know without any friends around then that’s where my problem lies. I tense up, act nervous, fiddle, and am unable to hold a conversation for the life of me. All that runs through my mind is to find a way to get out of the situation I’m in or, if it’s around, drink alcohol until I loosen up which seems to help sometimes.
Now the other issue that happens no matter if I have friends around or not is if I find a girl attractive and I don’t know her, or don’t know her very well, then I just shut down. My answers to her questions will be one or two words and a conversation will end with that uncomfortable boredom usually on her part. Here is an example: there is a girl at my work who I find very attractive and is single. Every morning when I come in to work she is at the receptionist desk and says hi and usually asks me if I’d like some of her breakfast (since I don’t usually eat breakfast) or joke with me, or just make general conversation. I feel so shy and clammed up. I would love to just say something like, “you look really pretty today” or “how is your morning so far” but I just can’t get the words out. Once I sign the sheet to sign in then I’m gone. I’ll pass her by the workplace from time-to-time throughout the day but my head just drops or there is just a quick “hi” out of my mouth. It sucks.
Once I get to know someone I’m a completely different person. I’m outgoing, can make anyone laugh, and really easy to get along with. I just have a hard time making a first impression on people, especially with girls.
Sigh…I don’t know what to do or how to fix this. I don’t feel that uncomfortable with myself. I’m 28, 5’9”, 190lbs, and decent looking, but not gorgeous. I just have a hard time meeting potential friends and potential dating partners. I’ve heard the whole “take a chance, what’s the worst that can happen” but I think the worst thing for me is rejection. If anyone has any advise or can help in any way it would be greatly appreciated!
Now the other issue that happens no matter if I have friends around or not is if I find a girl attractive and I don’t know her, or don’t know her very well, then I just shut down. My answers to her questions will be one or two words and a conversation will end with that uncomfortable boredom usually on her part. Here is an example: there is a girl at my work who I find very attractive and is single. Every morning when I come in to work she is at the receptionist desk and says hi and usually asks me if I’d like some of her breakfast (since I don’t usually eat breakfast) or joke with me, or just make general conversation. I feel so shy and clammed up. I would love to just say something like, “you look really pretty today” or “how is your morning so far” but I just can’t get the words out. Once I sign the sheet to sign in then I’m gone. I’ll pass her by the workplace from time-to-time throughout the day but my head just drops or there is just a quick “hi” out of my mouth. It sucks.
Once I get to know someone I’m a completely different person. I’m outgoing, can make anyone laugh, and really easy to get along with. I just have a hard time making a first impression on people, especially with girls.
Sigh…I don’t know what to do or how to fix this. I don’t feel that uncomfortable with myself. I’m 28, 5’9”, 190lbs, and decent looking, but not gorgeous. I just have a hard time meeting potential friends and potential dating partners. I’ve heard the whole “take a chance, what’s the worst that can happen” but I think the worst thing for me is rejection. If anyone has any advise or can help in any way it would be greatly appreciated!
