shy among certain people

[zevet]

Hi everyone,

I am new to this forum and would like to tell you about my problem.
I have severe social phobia sypmtoms like missing lessons at school because I would have to talk to my friends. I avoid meeting them out of school as soon as possible and telling them lies in order not to hang out with them when they want me to join them. This is because I am mostly shy and silent, but I have a group of friends with whom I am really very outgoing and talkative. I can't understand why I am shy among certain people and can't find anything to talk and drown in my own silence.

There is a boy whom I have strong feelings for. We met on icq last year and seen each other twice. I was again silent then and he was talking without taking a break and he must have noticed how different I am on msn and in real life. As he feels proud of his being talkative and tell me about that, I feel myself so weak.I have also realized that I can't cope with my inferiority complex when by his side. It may be the main reason I feel weak and silly when I am talking to him; the thoughts that he is much better and intelligent than me invades my mind and I can't concentrate on what he says and what I should say. I once drank couple beers before meeting him to lessen my anxiety.

Does anyone have a similar problem to mine? I want to hear your comments on my situation and get help to feel more comfortoble among certain people I have mentioned above.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

the thoughts that he is much better and intelligent than me invades my mind

hi zevet, just wanted to point this out - SA tricks us into thinking we're not as good as other people, that we are weak and lower than those that seem to not have problems speaking out (but remember, this is one of the most common diagnosed problems in the US today, don't know about the world)

you aren't weak. they call this a disorder for a reason. everyone is afraid of something and this is just the cards we were dealt. for me to overcome my fear of presentations or things like that (at least to a point where they were do-able) it took me looking out into the crowd of my peers and actually believing that they weren't any more equiped than i was at... life i guess. maybe they should be afraid of what i think of them?

this guy may loook like he's got it all, but i'm sure he's got his own demons to deal with too, maybe you'll get to know him better and find out

this probably wasn't the advice you were looking for but that's my two cents

 

[zevet]

Actually, this probably was the advice I was looking for 8) Thanks...
There are another points that I blame for my SP. I have been living with my domineering parents since I was born, including my college years and this has made me a shy person as all my friends from college had been living alone and unrestricted.
I've never had the chance to travel abroad- which depresses me the most. The guy I am interested in has travelled all around the world and this is the main conversation topic when we meet. Naturally I have nothing say about the countries I haven't seen before. Silence follows...I want to have interesting things to say, but these things never come to my mind...

 

[Caillou]

I completely understand your feeling. I am shy and nervouse around certain people more than others. It makes me look unfriendly at times because I will talk to certain people and be my natural self around them but then shut down around others. I worry that the people that I feel shy around will think I don't like them but that is usually not the case.

I just feel like I can be myself around people who I feel really comfortable with. Because I am so aware of it, I wonder what others in my presence think about it...that I can be so talkative one minute and so quiet the next. It drives me crazy sometimes.

If I feel the least bit threatened, I shut down aroud that person. It's hard for me to except my worth around certain people who appear "strong".

 

[woman123]

Man I thought I was the only one who had these similar problems. Well you know why these people appear to be strong around you, well is because you are giving them that power. Your letting your self be shy and talking your self out of being your self. People know when your uncomfortable or shy right away, it's an instinct.That gives people more power to be themselves...But you know what? Those people also feel the same way you do around other people. What I try to do is look at people as equals and realize no one is better than anyone. Were all in this world together. And believe it or not your not the only one who feels this way. I can be myself around certain people, than I quiet up around others who well intimidate me...but than I think to myself you know what? I want my power back. This isn't a problem this how EVERYONE is.

 

[xkiss_me_nowx]

I completely understand your feeling. I am shy and nervouse around certain people more than others. It makes me look unfriendly at times because I will talk to certain people and be my natural self around them but then shut down around others. I worry that the people that I feel shy around will think I don't like them but that is usually not the case.

I just feel like I can be myself around people who I feel really comfortable with. Because I am so aware of it, I wonder what others in my presence think about it...that I can be so talkative one minute and so quiet the next. It drives me crazy sometimes.

If I feel the least bit threatened, I shut down aroud that person. It's hard for me to except my worth around certain people who appear "strong".

omg thats exactly what im like, its really annoying.

 

[bitingthepea]

hey

exactly the same
i once was going to a lad mates house and i seretly drank a few cans of beers to hype me up or even calm me down... yeah hardly worked
It was going well until he tried to kiss me and that was the end of it! i jus backed off and stupidly gave him a hug instead of kissing him eeeeek

i rekon SA can be cured it just depends on what type of person you are to what treatment there is
For me its pushing me in at the deep end, because i wont do anythin until i get pushed and realise it aint that bad


xx