Should I attend our annual Christmas party tonight?

[LonelyLeaf]

The things is I've bought the tickets the other day thinking I could just go and stay a few hours and then be off again, but now I'm having second thoughts...last time I went to a party I just sat there most of the time staring really...I don't really feel like going but It'll look odd if I don't and I was thinking how do you overcome SA if you don't go out and meet people? It's odd because I know the importance of being social but I don't enjoy it..I don't want to be alone, but that's the easiest thing to do...what do you guys think?!

 

[LonelyLeaf]

Just to expand...the thing is my social skills are really bad (well practically non-existent...) and I guess I just wanna know if there is any point in trying even? Should I just give up? Do you guys try and get out there and socialize?

 

[Klaus]

I think you should go there with a measurement system!
It's really helping me.

First of all: Don't go to have fun and enjoy!
Social phobics can't feel pleasure at social events, only shy people does.

So, your goal need to be to deal with your anxiety you can buy a watch to monitor your heart rate and check how many minutes you were "panic" "calm". And then put all data at the computer.

It's like a physical exercice.

Today I want to eat at a restaurant.
I know I won't feel any pleasure, that I will suffer and come home tired. But I will measure all stuff. And since I'm running a lot, I know my beats are slower.

 

[PhantomPod]

It's so hard to say. Like, if you go, you could have such a great time! But then, you could also have a bad time and feel terribly awkward, since you know that your social skills are subpar. Yet if you don't go at all, you'll never know whether or not you may have had a good time.

I really don't know. I would say, "Oh, just go for it!" But then, I know how hard that truly is. My work's Christmas party is next Saturday and I feel as though I am in the same predicament. I have already got the ticket, just in case, yet I cannot decide whether or not to go.

I mean, I'd say it's worth a try, if you know a few people there you would be able to talk to. And maybe even do some research online and go prepared with some good topics for small talk. But yeah, you just say, "ok, I will give it a try and go for X number of hours, at least. And if I am not having a good time, or am feeling too awkward, I will just leave."

Are you going with anyone then? A date or a friend or anything? Cause yeah, we can bring a guest to mine, but I don't have one, so I would have to go alone, without that crutch or having a little built in conversation partner who is your guest. That always seems to make it harder, unfortunately.

 

[LonelyLeaf]

I think that monitor would be off the scale Klaus.. :lol:

PhantomPod, no that's the problem I do not have any friends or aquaintances right now to talk to...it's a long story..see my next post...if I do not go it looks odd and I've wasted my money, but if I go I'm quite sure I'll just sit there looking like an idiot for a few hours...I mentioned I don't actually enjoy being social but I wish it was fun and easier and then I would try...so should one just stop trying altogether? Or try? So much doubt! Oh, God, how did I end up in this mess?!! I'm sooo :? Were did it all go wrong?

 

[PhantomPod]

Yeah, it obviously makes it much harder if you don't know the other people that well, or enough to keep a convo going all night. Like, I talk some to people that I work with, but if I go to the Christmas party, I just don't see our conversations lasting past the, "hey! how's it going!?" "Good, how are ya?" "Good!" "...." *convo dies*

Everyone at works converses sooo easily with each other. I just don't understand the fundamentals of basic conversation. I've even been observing them and it's like they all know some secret that I honestly cannot figure out, no matter how hard I seem to try.

So did you end up going? How do you feel about your decision? How did any of us end up in this situation!? I truly don't know. I feel unsure of how I got here and let myself become so isolated.

I also do not want it to look weird if I do not go to my work's party. They passed out the tickets and parking passes today, and the letter that came with them says that if we cannot end up going, to please tell someone and return the parking pass, since they prepaid for the passes and would want to return extras. I wasn't thinking of that at all.

 

[nico82]

If I were you I wouldn't go unless I had to. I'm starting a new job next week and am already looking for excuses to get out of going (especially since I don't know anyone there except for the person who referred me).

 

[Luna_LL]

I think you should go there with a measurement system!
It's really helping me.

First of all: Don't go to have fun and enjoy!
Social phobics can't feel pleasure at social events, only shy people does.

First of all the statement of that only 'shy people does' is crap. I don't know what the 'shy' people definition is exactly but I'm damn sure that they are not pronie to suicide, cutting, alcoholism, or any other mind-fuck like SA are more prone to. To us it's more of a demon, not a peronality trait.

Second, I'm one of the above and HELL NOT BY MY FUCKING CHOICE!!!!!

 

[LonelyLeaf]

Phantompod: No, actually I ended up not going..just didn't feel up to it at all. That was a waste of money, so I'll think twice next time I buy a ticket..

 

[IceLad]

At least you actively considered going LonelyLeaf, which is a step up from point blank refusing to go.

I was in a similar position to you this week, and I left it till the very last moment before finally deciding not to go.

What sealed it for me was not knowing who or how many people would be turning up, and that I would be stuck with people that I'm just not comfortable with.