self analyzation

[4seasons]

I was just wondering if anyone on here has ever had a coversation with someone you dont know very well (had to force every word) and think back on it and even though you probly didn't seem that unusal, you pick apart everything you said and put your self down over it. I do this so much and not with just conversations but just about everything i do.

 

[spct]

i do sometimes, not all the time though

i probably do it more with people i know & have to be around quite a bit, but am not all that close with, hence why i feel uncomfortable talking with them but still care what they think of me

or when i'm talking to a stranger & there's someone i know nearby who can hear what i'm saying

if it's simply a stranger with noone i know around & i know i'll never see them again, it doesn't bother me quite as much

i know exactly what you mean though

i know people say just push yourself etc etc, but it's through this self-analysing that makes me regret what i said & makes me wish i'd just been quiet instead

 

[outside_looking_in]

Yes, I do it too ...

On occasion I've been so convinced I'd said something horrendously rude or tactless that I got myself really worked up about it and felt compelled to mention it, and apologise, to the person when I next saw them. And each time (so far!) they've said something like "I don't even remember the comment you're talking about -- don't worry about it."

Maybe because non-SA people have more interactions, each conversation becomes less significant? Whereas we seize on each one and re-run it and pick it apart until it gets a bit out of proportion?

 

[4seasons]

Yes, I do it too ...

On occasion I've been so convinced I'd said something horrendously rude or tactless that I got myself really worked up about it and felt compelled to mention it, and apologise, to the person when I next saw them. And each time (so far!) they've said something like "I don't even remember the comment you're talking about -- don't worry about it."

Maybe because non-SA people have more interactions, each conversation becomes less significant? Whereas we seize on each one and re-run it and pick it apart until it gets a bit out of proportion?

I've brought stuff up again to people befor as well and they just give me a funny look and ask what im talking about.

What you said makes perfect sense....thanks

 

[StewMc]

This kind of self analysis can only add to problems of SA. Most people wont analyse what you have said to the level that you have. Apologies for anything like this should be reactive not proactive.

Im guessing that most people with SA are deep thinkers like myself?

 

[Foxglove]

Oh God, yes, I do that all the time. I'll even wonder if the few short words I exchange with the baker, the mailman, the butcher or the salesperson were somehow wrong. It's really terrible. I wish I could just hide and never see another person again for the rest of my life. It just isn't worth the stress and anxiety.

 

[TinyLittleNative]

I do this CONSTANTLY. Even if it's a close friend of mine I always think back to what I said and scrutinize it.
Like... regretting things I've said/done... thinking that because of what I've said they'll think less of me or start to dislike me, think I'm stupid, things like that.
It's just hard.

 

[JamesMorgan]

The trick to nailing this bad mental habit is to realize afterwards:

this is now in my imagination.

It's easy to overthink things. The problem with this is that our own thinking distorts what actually existed in that actual moment, leading to us imagining all sorts of things. Fantasising about how we should have behaved, maybe what they were thinking, how we should have performed. Then we judge ourself so negatively destroying our self confidence.

Everyone behaves like this 'creating' people constantly. How well do you know your best friend, how much of that has been due to this imagination?

 

[alter_ego]

i do sometimes, not all the time though

i probably do it more with people i know & have to be around quite a bit, but am not all that close with, hence why i feel uncomfortable talking with them but still care what they think of me

or when i'm talking to a stranger & there's someone i know nearby who can hear what i'm saying

if it's simply a stranger with noone i know around & i know i'll never see them again, it doesn't bother me quite as much

i know exactly what you mean though

i know people say just push yourself etc etc, but it's through this self-analysing that makes me regret what i said & makes me wish i'd just been quiet instead

That's exactly how I am. With friends I don't analyse what I said too much because I feel they know me by now. I analyse what I said to strangers (like yesterday a guy I passed remarked what a lovely day it was and I said, "Yep, summer's here!" And then I started thinking, "Why did I say that? He must think I'm stupid. It's only April, summer's way off...") But I'm not dwelling on it now because I know I'll prob never see him again.

But... with people I know but only know slightly (like neighbours or someone from another office in work) I analyse EVERYTHING I said and did over and over and convince myself they think I'm an idiot. I guess it's like I don't really trust ppl to like me. As if I don't think I'm worth knowing. I figure if they've been around for ages (like the friends I've known for years) well, maybe I can trust them a bit more.

 

[4seasons]

The trick to nailing this bad mental habit is to realize afterwards:

this is now in my imagination.

It's easy to overthink things. The problem with this is that our own thinking distorts what actually existed in that actual moment, leading to us imagining all sorts of things. Fantasising about how we should have behaved, maybe what they were thinking, how we should have performed. Then we judge ourself so negatively destroying our self confidence.

Everyone behaves like this 'creating' people constantly. How well do you know your best friend, how much of that has been due to this imagination?

thanks, that helped alot.