Scared of whats happening to me!

[marT]

Hi all!
I'm from Australia and since last friday night I have been battling with anxiety/panic.

When I was about 12 years old I developed an anxiety of going to school and also a fear of vomiting (which was because the anxiety made me feel ill). I saw a few therapists about this and seemingly out of no where I got over it, its like something just clicked and i dont know how it happened. I then led a normal life ever since.

however last friday night this all changed, I had an overwhelming sense of panic that swept over me for reasons I'm still trying to put my finger on. I managed to shake it off and go to sleep but in the back of my mind i was worrying because it felt very similar to how i felt when i was younger and I didnt want to go down that road again.

I woke up the next morning and I felt so dazed, just not with it at all. I was supposed to be going to a LAN that day (something which i normally enjoy) but I felt I just couldn't go, I felt so nausious that i did in fact vomit after trying to eat some breakfast, thinking the dazed feeling was a lack of sugar. I was so scared about what was happening and was so scared that the feeling was so similar to how i felt all those years ago. I didn't go to the lan and spent the rest of the day lying down, trying to figure out why I was feeling this way and just utterly exhausted. I talked with my mum about it and she assured me we would get help.

every day since then I have woken up panicing about how I will be today and if I will still feel dazed etc. I feel so spaced out, like im not awake or not real and it makes me very fearful. I tried driving to a friends house but everything outside just feels different somehow than it did a few days ago. I'll also be doing a task and half way through forget what I'm doing because I seem to get lost in thought and I have to remember what i'm trying to do. My thoughts (mostly negative) just seem to be overwhelming me and I can't concentrate.

A doctor prescribed me Diazapam but I dont take it because it makes me feel even more spaced out and therefore fearful. I'll also be having a blood test tomorrow because I've lost abit of weight and I'm going to start "mindful meditation".

I'm so scared that I'll never feel the same again or that i'm going insane! Does anyone else have similar problems?

cheers
marT

 

[Anonymous]

you're not going insane, i had a similiar experience a few months ago, i went to my gp and he prescribed a beta blocker to help with the physical symptoms of anxiety, as well as doing my bloods etc. i took the medication for a fortnight as prescribed and it really helped. There was no reason that i could pinpoint either for my experience, but it was bad enough, i couldn't eat for three days and had a racing pulse of 130-150 even at rest, bloods showed no problems. Go back to your doctor, tell him how the valium made you feel, and see what else there is. I'm almost back to normal now but i'm aware this could happen, if it does then i'll take the same steps as before to nip it in the bud

 

[marT]

Glad to hear that I'm not going insane.
most of the problem is because I keep thinking that im not awake, like questioning my reality kind of thing which therefore makes me feel as though i am not awake and unfortunately it can get worse depending on my thought pattern.

I find that I feel a lot better at night, I dont know why that is?! perhaps because my mum gets home from work so I am not focusing as much on it or something and also because i'm not feeling as nausious and eat more. I need to just not think about it and then I wont feel so crap but its sooooo hard getting negative thoughts out of your head when they start rolling along.

I'm going to steer clear of any drugs if I can help it, at the moment I'm coping ok, if it becomes extremely hard to handle then i'll use drugs as a last resort. I've heard very good things about mindfullness meditation and Cognitive Therapy.

 

[Anonymous]

you sound like you're getting there, keeping an open mind is good, i hope you find whatever's good for you to keep things on an even keel

 

[Anonymous]

Reading your symptoms it really brings me back to how I was feeling when I first started having anxiety attacks... I think the biggest difference I had was that I was having serious difficulty breathing after the attacks... sometimes for days and weeks which would only amplify the anxiety.

Like you there were times where I questioned whether I could deal with this or not. Once I actually started driving myself to the hospital to check myself into the psycho clinic. After several trips to the emergency room I had a heart to heart discussion with my Doctor. Believe it or not I was reading about the comedian/actor Jay Mohr's experience with anxiety and it made me feel much better because the worst part is thinking that you're all alone in this.

Most people that you talk to aren't going to understand what you're dealing with unless they've actually experienced them as well. Odds are they haven't.

I ended up making it through the beginning by reading forums like this and getting advice from people. I think to date the best advice that I ever got was to just "accept the anxitey".... the worrying about it and the dreading every moment whether you're going to start having that feeling again was getting worse than the feeling itself. I'm a 32 year old grown male with a great job, wife, two kids, and a house on the golf course and I'm breaking down and losing it... sometimes just breaking into tears and feeling very afraid for no particular reason. Life was hard.

I felt very simular to how you felt... my doctor wanted me to get on drugs and I kept saying that I didn't want to. My friends would tell me that it was all in my head and I guess I kept telling myself the same thing... that I was weak because I couldn't deal with it. My doctor tried explaining to me that it wasn't a mental thing that I was experiencing... it was a chemical problem. My mom actually brought it into perspective for me... if I had a headache... I'd take an asprin right? If I have an infection, I'd take antibiotics... so why not give it a shot?

Long story short (well.. sorta) I started taking zoloft 50mg. It really helped me for awhile. Being the way that I am, I didn't want to become addicted so I went off the Zoloft after about three months of taking it... I was fine for about six months until I had some medical issues that triggered my anxiety again. This time my doctor also prescribed me zanax for the first two weeks to combat the acute anxiety until the Zoloft kicked in again (takes two weeks). You want to talk about going from panicked to calm... xanax really helped... and I didn't take much at all.

Now after about four years I've learned to deal with it. Everyonce in awhile I'll go through an episode for a few days but I'll tell myself that it always passes and deal with it. I've learned to manage them without xanax (that stuff is good for learning to manage but you don't want to become dependent on it). Usually I just make sure I exercise alot when I'm having them and it seems to really help. I've heard of people using meditation to help but I found that really just makes me thing more about it.

Basically now I've just learned to adjust my life to it... I still have a great life, I wake up every morning happy to be alive and with my family. Every once in awhile I'll have to deal with it but I promise you that life will go on. What you really need to remember is that even though you may feel like you're going crazy at times... you're really not. The fear is what's making you feel that way... and if you simply tell yourself "ok... if I'm going to freak out... let's do it... let's get this over with", you'll find that it will pass.

I really feel for you cause I know what you're going through... it took me six months before I actually accepted that it wasn't just "in my head" and after that it really helped me deal with the issues. Your life will become normal again... and you'll be thankful that you've dealt with it because it makes you appreciate the good times much better. Now I really only have to deal with it every six months or so. Usually a life event will trigger them but you get treating yourself down to an art.

But like I said... I've only been doing it for four years so I'm no expert and I'm not sure what to expect later in life... but things are getting progressivly better.

 

[annie]

Hi marT,

You are certainly not going insane, you are just experiencing anxiety. If I were you I would go and see a psychologist to work on what the problem is, why you feel this way.
In which State of Australia do you live in?

There are alot of good psychologists that I know of in Melbourne, who practice CBT.

Try and stay clear of medication, unless you have to.

You are certainly not alone.

Good luck!

annie

 

[marT]

thanks for the wise words.

I keep on thinking that i'll believe that my friends and family are not real and i'll just never look at life the same.

im talking to a psycologist tomorrow and hopefully he can put things in perspective for me.

Im in South Aus and i blame the rediculas supply of weed down here for my problems :evil: