Scared of the opposite sex...Need advice!

[Iseesky]

I'm usually not too bad when meeting new people. In fact, I'm pretty comfortable in most situations. The only situation I'm not comfortable with is when a guy initiates a conversation with me. I completely bug out and get really nervous and totally embarrass myself! Basically, any guy that talks to me from the age of 17-40. Doesn't matter what they look like...Doesn't matter if I'm attracted to them or not. In certain instances it's okay, but if I feel like they're interested in me, that's what makes me nervous. I don't know why. I just feel like I have so much pressure on me. Like they're expecting me to act a certain way or be a certain girl.

I'm sure some of you feel the same way...? I'm fine when talking to girls. I don't care what they think about me. And I'm usually fine when I start a conversation with a guy myself. It's just when they start talking to me and I don't really know what they'll ask or say or whatever.

Just today in class we were told to turn to and talk to the person beside us. Beside me was a cute guy. I made a fool of myself...End of story! ::

I would love to be able to talk to guys (the last guy friend I had was in elementary school!) without looking like an idiot. I'm hoping some of you ladies have advice! Story sharing is absolutely welcome!

 

[Nack]

If you have regrets about a person you could have talked to but didn't... There's your motivation.

 

[DillJenkins]

I have the same problem except with girls. Im 23 year old male and I have never had anything close to a relationship with a female.

I have pretty much given up on finding a women cause its just too difficult for me to deal with the anxiety of it all.

I get paralyzed with fear if I have to interact with a pretty girl and its like my brain falls out of my ass and I cant think proper and my voice shakes and it get embarrassed. Its just easier to avoid them then to deal with all that ****.

 

[Iseesky]

@Nack Good point. I'll try to keep that in mind next time. Problem is, I don't tend to have regrets! =/

@DillJenkins I agree. It's very hard! I avoid situations like this just because it's easier to do so rather than deal with the stress. But, no pain no gain, I guess!

 

[Why]

me <----

im terrified to show interest in girls im attracted to so i act stuck up and unfazed by their presence when in fact, im nervous and self conscoius.

i just wish girls approached me more often then i would be more comfortable around them then wont be scared.

 

[userremoved]

Yep this is the story of my life. Talking to other men is no problem at all, I can walk up to a complete stranger and ask him questions and everything. But if its a woman that switch clicks in my head and I lose all my communication skills and even intelligence. It's interesting to hear it from your side though, Ive always wondered if it was the same for women with SA.

 

[Eam]

This is the same for me too, but with women.

It probably comes from numerous situations in my life where females have been particularly cruel. Women seem very capable of hitting right at a weak spot of a man with SA, low self esteem etc.

One case, quite a while ago now, three or so girls walked past me and some other guys saying who each one looked similar to, one by one. Each quite complimentary, until they reached me where they just laughed, nothing else, and then moved on. Now you can imagine what sort of thoughts run through someone's head after an occasion like that. I have actually told been told that I'm not bad looking, but that doesn't help.

But yes, repeat occurrences of similar events, and very little of the opposite have caused me to be scared of the opposite sex.

So Drivemycar, my advice is to think that they may be feeling the same way as you. That's what I try to tell myself, not that it helps much for me.


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PS. This is my first post, so I'd like to say hi to everyone. I've been reading through a few of the threads and posts here and find it very refreshing, being able to relate to you guys and all.

I'll try to become a regular here, you all seem like such a nice bunch of people.

 

[alex7]

i know exactly wat u mean because i'm like that especially with girls im attracted to. Dont sweat it, eventually you'll find someone that can look past all your nervousness and want to get the person, and you'll eventually become comfortable with that person too.

 

[goldenholds]

Yes, I am scared of the opposite sex, for me that is girls. I don't really have much advice, as I haven't quite figured out how to fix it myself. What I will be trying to attempt myself is to just ignore the anxiousness. Its not gonna kill me. And who really cares if I act like a fool or someone thinks I'm stuck up or whatever. I have a right to be who I am, even if that's a fool. I'm not actually hurting anyone. And if it looks like my anxiousness is really upsetting or confusing someone I'm just gonna say that I'm nervous. And if they think there is something wrong with me for being nervous, then I'll just think them an idiot for thinking that a little bit of nervousness is really gonna hurt anyone. Well its a whole lot of nervousness, but hey, I'm gonna try it anyway.

 

[userremoved]

Well from what family is telling me, for starters we need to start looking at ourselves as someone of value. You know, like you're someone that person would be fortunate to be with. But I think a lot of us feel more like a burden and that we're the ones who should feel lucky if anyone wants to be with us. That negative way of looking at yourself, where ever it started, will make rejection much more painful than it should be. Not to mention the assumption that rejection is going to happen no matter what. I dunno if that where you're problem might be but I know I need to work on that.

 

[Iseesky]

Aww...You've all made me feel much better! I'll try to remember all of your advice and put it to action.

@Eam Welcome to the site! Hope you find it helpful!

 

[Eam]

Thanks Drivemycar, I'm already finding it helpful.

Glad you got the answers you were after to make you feel better!