Re: Saturday night-go out & attempt to socialise or stay
bird said:
usualy involves . . . me stood at the side not wanting to join in the banter for feeling sooooooooooo self conscious and feeling a failure...
Well, what I have done over the years is what you should not do. I either just keep standing there alone or I look for an opportunity to step away and then I just leave.
I don't know what you need to do to motivate yourself to leave your spot, but please try your hardest to do so. Your friends don't understand you standing at the side. It makes them feel like they have to keep coming over to you, even though they don't want to be over there on the side.
What if you took some dancing lessons? How about you pretend your an actor and when you go out with your mates go out in character -- make up a little backstory for yourself (someone more confident than you are usually) and resolve to stay in character for the rest of the evening. Without drinking to the "stupid" point, doesn't the alcohol loosen up your inhibitions some; most people say it does. Can you find someone else standing at the side that you can try to strike up a conversation with; have 3 topics on which you can say something worked out before you leave home (like a TV show you saw; a movie you read about; a band you'd like to see; something on the front page of the newspaper).
If the bar scene is too hard for you, then tell your friends "no" for that, but find something else your more comfortable with. Can you invite people over to play some game? Try to find something you can do with people. Maybe you need some alternative activities with a completely different group of people. Consider volunteer work. Those groups are vey accepting and won't make you feel like a failure at all.
