bowel_of_chiley
Member
Earlier this month, I got together with a beautiful woman.
Last Tuesday, she tells me we need to finish.
We talked for hours about why we wouldn't work and amongst floods of tears, I started to accept her reasoning for her decision to break it off.
She also suggested that we would stay friends and therefore keep in regular contact, which I'm hoping will help.
The major complication in this comes with the fact that we both started to fall for each other at the same time, and that this was the point that she decided to end it.
Without going into too much detail, this fantasy of what I'm feeling as real love is surrounded by her distressing past and clinical depression and although she appears to me as such a strong soul, these problems are too apparent and frequent in conversation.
Part of me thinks that what I've always been in love with is LOVE itself. There are so many beautiful women in this world and I truly believe that it's far too easy to be blinded by such an illusion, as undeniably powerful as it is. I have had just two serious relationships prior to this one and I know I'm in trouble when I get this attached, but I'm never strong enough to take control; I sink into the overwhelming attraction and comfort.
I really hate to let this woman go because to me she has been the most loving and caring I have ever found. Both my bro and my mum have advised me to tread carefully from the start, reminding me of how much further you have to fall after a long time together.
Maybe I should just accept it all for what it has been - good fun with an older woman; she is 41 and I am 24, which started to get out of hand when our feelings developed.
This closure feels very anti-climatic and at the moment I still love her and am still in the mentality that I'll never meet such a woman again.
It's also making me more despairing for my 'real life'. This is hell sometimes. I've been living with my mother for the past three years since failing a university course due to illness. There are far too many situations which my ability to deal with has worsened over these years e.g. the local supermarket is out of the question, traveling on the bus and sometimes the train is too much, unless I'm drinking and am on the way to meet a friend.
It's only certain situations which are provoking attacks in me now, but since my girlfriend told me that we should break it off, I've been more lost than anything; I feel numb and at times I'm turning to my family for hugs, decent conversation etc.
I'm lost and very fucking vulnerable without a genuine feeling of love.
Love keeps me alive.
Take care people,
Trez[/quote]
Last Tuesday, she tells me we need to finish.
We talked for hours about why we wouldn't work and amongst floods of tears, I started to accept her reasoning for her decision to break it off.
She also suggested that we would stay friends and therefore keep in regular contact, which I'm hoping will help.
The major complication in this comes with the fact that we both started to fall for each other at the same time, and that this was the point that she decided to end it.
Without going into too much detail, this fantasy of what I'm feeling as real love is surrounded by her distressing past and clinical depression and although she appears to me as such a strong soul, these problems are too apparent and frequent in conversation.
Part of me thinks that what I've always been in love with is LOVE itself. There are so many beautiful women in this world and I truly believe that it's far too easy to be blinded by such an illusion, as undeniably powerful as it is. I have had just two serious relationships prior to this one and I know I'm in trouble when I get this attached, but I'm never strong enough to take control; I sink into the overwhelming attraction and comfort.
I really hate to let this woman go because to me she has been the most loving and caring I have ever found. Both my bro and my mum have advised me to tread carefully from the start, reminding me of how much further you have to fall after a long time together.
Maybe I should just accept it all for what it has been - good fun with an older woman; she is 41 and I am 24, which started to get out of hand when our feelings developed.
This closure feels very anti-climatic and at the moment I still love her and am still in the mentality that I'll never meet such a woman again.
It's also making me more despairing for my 'real life'. This is hell sometimes. I've been living with my mother for the past three years since failing a university course due to illness. There are far too many situations which my ability to deal with has worsened over these years e.g. the local supermarket is out of the question, traveling on the bus and sometimes the train is too much, unless I'm drinking and am on the way to meet a friend.
It's only certain situations which are provoking attacks in me now, but since my girlfriend told me that we should break it off, I've been more lost than anything; I feel numb and at times I'm turning to my family for hugs, decent conversation etc.
I'm lost and very fucking vulnerable without a genuine feeling of love.
Love keeps me alive.
Take care people,
Trez[/quote]
