Relationship Advice please

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DarkPassenger

New member
I have an inability to connect with people. In this particular case I am referring to my partner. I pretend to feel all emotions. The day to day is easy, the intimate part of the relationship is what is difficult. However it all together has finally begun to wear me down. Lately I just can't be bothered. It's all come undone since we started living together.

My emptiness has become noticed. My partner thinks that the way 'i am' is a new thing and that it must be because of him. I give the old 'it's not you, it's me' ... but I don't know how to talk more honestly than that.

My favourite thing is to lay my head on his chest and hear his heart beating. It gives me reassurance.

So...

How do I survive and salvage this relationship? What do I say that will convince him that it really isn't him and that he needs to stop blaming himself. God damn it!!!
 
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Clemisnail

Member
Hi :)
If I may ask, how long have you been together? One thing to keep in mind is that once the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship has run its course, the underlying bumps of a relationship pop up. So maybe one thing that you may need to hear is: it is normal. More than anything, congratulations on being in a committed relationship despite your inability to connect with people!
Now, to address your question, I would tend to think that he wants to be heard. A way to see a relationship is how emotions amplify when bounced back by the other person. In other words, he may be looking for that echo. My view on relationships is that they are about compromise. Thus, taking the time once in a while to connect to your emotions and expressing them to him may be useful. This being said, I do not know if you have heard of "the 5 love languages": gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch (book by Garry Chapman, Wikipedia has a quick summary if you have some time). You are expressing your love for him in your own way, he may benefit from you expressing your love in another way.
Also, I noticed that you put forward your inability to connect to people and your ability to simulate emotions. You seemed to hint at the fact that you see emptiness when looking in, but happiness if in his proximity. I am wondering how you feel about connecting to your emotions?
Just some thoughts...obviously, I'm getting only half of the story :)
 
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