Recovered SA offers advice..
- Thread starter Anonymous
- Start date
Scottish_Player
Well-known member
How did you recover and are you 100% over it?
Anonymous
Well-known member
In answer to your questions;
Action.
That is my answer. I took action. I research for as much information on Sa and how to overcome it as I could. I went to the library, searched the web. Read a lot. I realized the 'right' way is not the same for anyone.
What I did;
1. Went to a SA recovery course
2. Took Effexor (for 4 months)
3. Took a speaking course (for confidence)
4. Took up meditation and mindfulness/awareness practice
5. Exercised regularly
6. Listened to motivation/confidence tapes
7. Took every opportunity I could to speak to people (even if I was terrified)
All of these things helped, but the most lasting and deeply effective method of overcoming SA for me has been meditation and a mindfulness/awareness practice. Over time and diligent effort it alters the way your mind works.
(This book describes scientifically how this works)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/00...f=pd_bbs_1/103-2112969-3207068?_encoding=UTF8
I found that the cause of SA (for me and I suspect everyone else) is the 'voices' in our heads. You may not be aware of them, but they are there. Voices which were created in your youth and childhood like, "He doesn't/Won't like you", "You are weak/stupid/shy/useless....."etc. It's these internal 'beatings' which are causing misery in your life and stifling any confidence or belief in yourself.
Please feel free to ask any further questions.
Action.
That is my answer. I took action. I research for as much information on Sa and how to overcome it as I could. I went to the library, searched the web. Read a lot. I realized the 'right' way is not the same for anyone.
What I did;
1. Went to a SA recovery course
2. Took Effexor (for 4 months)
3. Took a speaking course (for confidence)
4. Took up meditation and mindfulness/awareness practice
5. Exercised regularly
6. Listened to motivation/confidence tapes
7. Took every opportunity I could to speak to people (even if I was terrified)
All of these things helped, but the most lasting and deeply effective method of overcoming SA for me has been meditation and a mindfulness/awareness practice. Over time and diligent effort it alters the way your mind works.
(This book describes scientifically how this works)
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/00...f=pd_bbs_1/103-2112969-3207068?_encoding=UTF8
I found that the cause of SA (for me and I suspect everyone else) is the 'voices' in our heads. You may not be aware of them, but they are there. Voices which were created in your youth and childhood like, "He doesn't/Won't like you", "You are weak/stupid/shy/useless....."etc. It's these internal 'beatings' which are causing misery in your life and stifling any confidence or belief in yourself.
Please feel free to ask any further questions.
black_mamba
Well-known member
Wow cool, thanks for offering your advice. 
What was the speaking course like, what did it involve? Were you scared about doing it or in the midst of already gaining confidence?
What was the speaking course like, what did it involve? Were you scared about doing it or in the midst of already gaining confidence?
joshueg
Well-known member
Thank u, kevj, for all your advices. I have took note on them. :wink:
What would you do if you are talking with another person and you start feeling extremely anxious???
how can you control it???
is there a kind of trick or anything i could do in orde to keep my fear under control?=??
Thanks for everything. :wink:
What would you do if you are talking with another person and you start feeling extremely anxious???
how can you control it???
is there a kind of trick or anything i could do in orde to keep my fear under control?=??
Thanks for everything. :wink:
Anonymous
Well-known member
joshueg said:
You're welcome 'joshueg'. I still feel anxious sometimes when talking to people
but it rarely effects me to the level it once did. I'm not 100% natural yet but I'm working on it. There's no special trick, except practice. It's taken years of social conditioning to get you into the socially anxious person you are, so it's going to take a while to drop all that - so no, no quick fixes. The easiest thing is to practice breathing, and NOTICING your breathing (hard but fruitful in the long run). Begin practicing noticing everything, your heart as it begins to race, your face warming up, shaking and importantly the things you HEAR in your head like, "she won't like me / I look stupid / she can see I'm scared, what a fool I am" etc. - all the reactions you get when you meet people. Now, here's the key - as you NOTICE these things PRACTICE not judging or actually thinking ABOUT them. Just NOTICE them, "ah, my heart is speeding up.....oh that's my face getting red, oh the voices are saying 'someone doesn't like me'...hmmmm interesting".
Be curious about what is actually going on with you. Study it like you are a scientist conducting an experiment. Over time you will start to SEE and EXPERIENCE what your SA actually is. You'll see that all your SA is is a whole bunch of cruel, unhelpful and meaningless voices and your belief and subsequent reaction to them. That's it! It's all pure illusion. But right now you think it's all real. The only way to see SA for what it is is to practice; Breathing, noticing and non-judgement.
Try it and tell me what you think.
BTW The best way to reinforce this process is to start an awareness meditation practice.
Happy to answer other questions...
Anonymous
Well-known member
Re: SA recovery course
If you live in a major city in the States you should have no problem. Google it.
Mine was in Brisbane Australia....
http://www.socialanxiety.com.au/
I just found this....
http://www.uq.edu.au/news/?article=7138
rko74 said:
If you live in a major city in the States you should have no problem. Google it.
Mine was in Brisbane Australia....
http://www.socialanxiety.com.au/
I just found this....
http://www.uq.edu.au/news/?article=7138
tecknohed
Active member
Kevj - Well done mate!
I know we all find our own ways of coping but your way seems one step beyond 'coping', and then some!
And as for exercise, damn right! I've just started at a gymn and cant get enough! It really does give me a confidence boost. And to anyone else reading this, I was just as terified as the next social phobe, but when enough is enough you just have to DO IT.
I admit that I go with my girlfriend who also has SP and thats a big help of course, but not as much as you'ld think. I could easily go on my own now & thats only after a week.
I just have to find some way to relax now - a seemingly impossible task for myself but I know I need to try.
Keep posting Kevj. You Guru you! :lol:
I know we all find our own ways of coping but your way seems one step beyond 'coping', and then some!
And as for exercise, damn right! I've just started at a gymn and cant get enough! It really does give me a confidence boost. And to anyone else reading this, I was just as terified as the next social phobe, but when enough is enough you just have to DO IT.
I admit that I go with my girlfriend who also has SP and thats a big help of course, but not as much as you'ld think. I could easily go on my own now & thats only after a week.
I just have to find some way to relax now - a seemingly impossible task for myself but I know I need to try.
Keep posting Kevj. You Guru you! :lol:
Kevj
Active member
For tecknohed
tecknohed
Thanks for the comment. I reccommend you continue to do social things like going to the gym by yourself - it's important to get used to being in social situations by yourself and the only way to get better at it is practice.
As for relaxing - I know exactly how you feel. My solution (which has changed my life) is awareness/mindfulnes practice. It's hard, but the results are REAL and can not reverse.
Awareness/mindfulnes practice is all about noticing EVERYTHING about yourself, your bodily sensations, your breathing and importantly the conditioned 'voices' in your head. Once you get real good at noticing and being aware or 'awake' more and more you will begin to experience some very relaxed and joyful moments. The more this happens the more enthusiastic you get about it and thus the more you practice the better you get. It can get rough but once you have 'seen the light' so to speak you'll never give up!
You can do it!
tecknohed
Thanks for the comment. I reccommend you continue to do social things like going to the gym by yourself - it's important to get used to being in social situations by yourself and the only way to get better at it is practice.
As for relaxing - I know exactly how you feel. My solution (which has changed my life) is awareness/mindfulnes practice. It's hard, but the results are REAL and can not reverse.
Awareness/mindfulnes practice is all about noticing EVERYTHING about yourself, your bodily sensations, your breathing and importantly the conditioned 'voices' in your head. Once you get real good at noticing and being aware or 'awake' more and more you will begin to experience some very relaxed and joyful moments. The more this happens the more enthusiastic you get about it and thus the more you practice the better you get. It can get rough but once you have 'seen the light' so to speak you'll never give up!
You can do it!
Kevj
Active member
jinxed said:Kevj said:I am a 'recovered' social phobic and would be happy to answer any questions you might have
jinxed said:
Kevj, how come you ignored my question?? I know you're a member now but you weren't one on your first post so speaking of that.
Dude, to be honest, I have no idea how I did ...what you said I did.......O(≧∇≦)O
ash_2001
Well-known member
I'd also like to learn more about awareness and mindfulness practice, if you could please expand on that a little more... Also are there any motivation/confidence tapes, which you could recommend?
I assume that alongside all of these practices you've done to overcome SA you have also been seeing a psychologist (but I might be wrong). How important do you believe your visits with your therapist have been to your recovery :?:
Oh and Kevj, you're my hero! :lol:
I assume that alongside all of these practices you've done to overcome SA you have also been seeing a psychologist (but I might be wrong). How important do you believe your visits with your therapist have been to your recovery :?:
Oh and Kevj, you're my hero! :lol: