Questioning reality/life etc

[marT]

As part of my anxiety that I developed the other week I am now starting to sort of question if I'm awake/alive and all that which in turn makes me feel very wierd and spaced out. I can still function normally when I set my mind to it but i'm always sort of thinking about it as i'm doing tasks around the place.

I know we all question these things from time to time on the odd occasion but I seem to be doing in constantly, its scary and making me feel wierd. for instance i'll be sitting watching TV and i'll think "i'm really just a mind floating around inside a body" and then i feel like im just this thing staring at the TV with arms and legs attached. I'm scared that i'm loosing my sense of self or going into a state of permanent depersonalisation (is that possible?).

has anyone else had problems with this? what can I do?!?

I know I just need to stop thinking about it but its bloody hard!

 

[marT]

interesting, but it scares me

I just want to feel normal again you know?

 

[dan246]

It sounds to me a lot like disassociation or depersonalization. When I had my first panic attack the week that followed was hell. I felt so weird and kept having out-of-body type sensations. I kept asking myself "is this real?" It got to the point where I thought I was losing my mind. Before I could relate that feeling to anxiety I thought it was some type of psychosis setting in. When I went to see a specialist, he told me it was very common. The hyperventilation associated with anxiety causes some weird things to happen in your body. Also, hyperventilation isn’t just rapid breathing. It takes the form of deeper breathes, sighs and yawning. Don't quote me on this because my memory is a little shaky. From what I remember though, your body compensates for the excess oxygen you're taking in. It actually causes less of the oxygen to be "absorbed" by your blood and get carried to the brain. I think it's called hemoglobin or something like that. So in return, your brain is getting less oxygen than usual, causing you to feel light headed and spacey. I personally felt like I was looking out through my eyes from further behind, inside of my head. It's really hard to explain. The doctor said that people have also described it as looking through a fog. The fact is, this feeling cannot hurt you. It isn’t doing any damage to your body and besides being a nuisance it’s completely harmless. As your anxiety settles down a little bit and/or your body gets used to it you should feel better again. With me this feeling persisted for quite a while but after I came to accept it and eventually ignore it I felt normal again.

 

[Anonymous]

To call this a positive, spiritual realization would probably be a mistake. You just need to be grounded and I recomend some meditations/relaxation exercises that involve getting more intuned with the body and physical self. It is true that there is a soul and the eastern philosophy encourages us to eventually directly realize it, but it is also encouraged that we integrate the mind and body first before any further advanced practice.

 

[marT]

I think dan246 and guest have summed it up pretty well for my situation. I dont actually beleive in what i am thinking, that i am not real and all that stuff, its just that i'm constantly thinking about it, its in the back of my mind. But because I am thinking about it, it brings on a sense of anxiety which can make the feeling worse as dan246 put it. I know if I stop thinking about it, I wont have the anxiety and everything, the hardest thing is to stop thinking about it, because even first thing when I wake up i think "oh god, how bad will I be today and I look around the room thinking is this real?" That kind of sets the trend for the rest of the day, despite my attempts to forget about it.

I beleive talking about these kind of things (life etc) with friends a lot before my anxiety must have embedded itself into my head. I'm a very sensitive person it seems.

 

[Anonymous]

I aggree w/ dani... your symptoms are common among people who have panic attacks and i think dani gives good advice in that it is normal and won't kill you... the rest of dani's advice is good also.

Good PRACTICAL, down to earth, real advice.

 

[marT]

yeah thanks guys, appreciate the help. Just need to get my mind off it! :evil:

EDIT: I started taking St Johns Wort and Vitamin B suppliments yesterday as they were quite highly recommended by my sister who is a pharmisist, I hope they make me a little more positive. I have noticed they seem to physically calm me down already but I don't know if its the vitamin b or the St Johns Wort or both.

 

[sticks]

Hi, you replied to my post 'trying' last week, I'd just like to tell you about some really positive stuff thats happened this week. I've been battling with anxiety for years, and as you know, one of the major parts is this 'spaced out' feeling or 'depersonalisation'. I've had therapy, hypnosis, taken betablockers, prozac, ssri antidepressants, been to the doctors in tears countless times. None of this worked, it's all been a complete waste of time because last week I discovered meditation. I went to a meditation class in my town, and at the end of it I knew I'd found the answer. The answer comes from inside of you. You have to remember that there is nothing physically wrong with you...you dont have brain damage, and you are not some kind of weirdo. All thats happening is your body is reacting to signals from your brain, and creating uncomfortable sensations. THATS ALL! So if you could somehow take control of this process and steer it in the direction that you want it to go in, then you have the result you want...a calm, collected, peaceful state of mind. And how do you control your mind? Through meditation. Its as simple as that. I'm sure I've got a long way to go, but just knowing that I'm now on the right track is an unbelieveable feeling, I feel like I've been let out of a dark prison cell which Ive been in for the last 10 years. I hope this has been helpful to you, best wishes, sticks

 

[Anonymous]

meditation helps me SOME.

 

[marT]

the problem with me though is not the depersonalisaion associated with panic attacks. its the fact that im constantly thinking "what if i'm not awake right now" or "what am I really?" or "what if all of this is all my imagination" and stuff like that. It completely messes with my head and really tires me out, i'm scared that im going to think about it so much im going to beleive it and never return to normal, or that im going to go insane. There is nothing physical like with depersonalisation that I feel, its like all in my head and thats my anxiety.

 

[sticks]

I have had those feelings too, I completely know what you're saying, its all part and parcel of an anxiety disorder. I would still suggest you try meditation, because as everything comes from the mind, being able to control our minds is the key to peace

 

[marT]

cheers, im glad someone has felt the same.

yeah im definately going to do the meditation, i've got books being sent to me as we speak along with cd's, i'm just waiting for them to arrive and then i can start.

 

[sticks]

Books are great and i think they can really help, but to get you started, it might be a good idea to go to a class to get some guided meditation for a while until you grasp the basics, then you can make it part of your everyday life. I am going on 3 day meditation retreat in march to a place called manjushri in north england. I am a total beginner so i think that some intensive 'training' in meditation will be a real help. I also got the book 'teach yourself meditation' by naomi ozaniec, thats helpful

 

[marT]

thanks for the heads up!

my mum has done lots of meditation using classes so shes going to help me along, but if that fails then yeah i'll go to some proper classes.

 

[sticks]

sorted, good luck

 

[Guest]

Hello Mart,
l have now been going thought Anxiety/depressionand postnatel depression( so my docotr tells me), for 7 months, it started about a month after l had my 3rd child. l actully like to have a smoke now and then. l dont drink at all. anyway l thought l smoked a little to much because l tripprd my brains out lol. and truly thought l was going to die.l couldnt beleave my luck, l had a shit of a child hood till l was 16, when l met my husband and my life changed for the better. But then he became terminlly ill, and l have been his full time carer for over 10 yrs now. l also have 12 yr old boy thats ADD..but l have delt with these hand outs for so long, l couldnt beleave that was making me so sick. after about 5 days of this feeling getting worse to the point l thought l was having a heart attack.and l was rushed to hospital, after a blood and a heart ultra sound they sent me home, making me feel very silly.
l went to my local GP, she sent me home with antie-depresents they made me worse. 4 docotrs later, mind you they all just took the word of the last doctor, and they didnt do any more tests.The stages of this illness, made me keep thinking the doctors are wrong.it was like l had a brick sitting on my chest , pains down my arms, l couldnt breath,l even wrote goodbye letters to all my kids and my husband, the only thing that did make me feel a little better was writting everything down, then l found a web site , with this lady that sounded just like me that really helped, as much as l dont like anite-depressents l am taking them its called Lexapro and l take valium at night when l need it. l'm so tired all the time, my house has turned into the biggest mess, l feel like lm letting everyone down, we dont have any out side family, and we not long moved interstate so we dont have any friends.But this new forum that l have found is the best thing l seen. To actully no your not the only one going though this . To think your not going mad it really helps..
hope this all makes sence as it also has made it really hard to write or read lol.. 8O this is pretty much how l feel lately..

 

[Anonymous]

i kinda know how you feel. i get thsi feeling that im drifting away from real life and im losing myself. it's scary because i fear that i won't be able to come back.I don't understand it either. It's like you're in a state of dreaming kinda where u r just going thru the motions and your soul is slowly dying

 

[Guest]

i kinda know how you feel. i get thsi feeling that im drifting away from real life and im losing myself. it's scary because i fear that i won't be able to come back.I don't understand it either. It's like you're in a state of dreaming kinda where u r just going thru the motions and your soul is slowly dying

What is this feeling where all going though? why ?, l thought ld been drugged at one stage, then l thought it was just that lm going mad, the scary part is when will we get back to normal? .. hope its soon!

 

[dan246]

I didn't tell my whole story when I was trying to summarize the physical symptoms of derealization. Man, the first week I thought I was done. It all started one night when I decided to smoke a little bit. I guess I smoked a little too much and just as fluffy said, I tripped my brains out. It's scary shit. I didn't know I was having a panic attack. I thought I had either lost my mind, or was having a heart attack or stroke or aneurism. So many thoughts were running through my head. That's when my life took a turn for the worse. The first week was absolute hell. I couldn't hang on to reality. I missed an entire week of school (this was when I was in high school) and slept all day. When I was awake I thought I might be sleeping. My dreams seemed to drift in and out and I eventually came to the conclusion that I was truly going insane. I couldn't keep track of time and I couldn't stay awake a full day. I was so exhausted all of the time. Eventually I went to see my doctor and was put on xanax. I was referred to an anxiety specialist. This was my turning point. Just reading some information he gave me, before I had actually met him, made me feel so much better. One of the questions he gets quite frequently is "am I going insane?" When I went to see him he taught me so much. Just knowing that this was all caused by hyperventilation made me feel so much better. It's hard to believe how powerful the body is. We went through desensitizing exercises to help me realize the absurdity of my worries. I was so concerned with going crazy that I had thrown myself into a loop. I would get anxious because I felt all fuzz-brained, then I would feel more fuzz-brained because I was anxious. Once I broke the loop and stopped caring about it, I felt a lot better. It still took me a lot of time to get over it but I did. My advice to all of those suffering from this is to see a specialist. It costs some money but nothing is more important than your health. Find someone who specifically treats anxiety patients. Just hang in there. I know how terrifying it can be. Your soul is not dying. It’s just scared as hell.

 

[marT]

yeah dan thats exactly what its like, feeling so dazed and just sort of out of touch, almost drugged. I often feel better at night and i have no idea why this is. I have talked to a specialist and he said im not going insane but sometimes when im feeling messed up its hard to remember it or beleive it. sometimes i'll be on the computer or something and i'll suddently get very racing thoughts of panic for no particular reason, this is what frightens me that im going insane.

I've started meditation so hopefully with time i'll start to feel better, i do feel better than i did when i first wrote this thread i think, just exhausted really.