EquineSoul
New member
Well, I have recently come across this website, and I never imagined there were so many others with this, and it has given me new hope. Im not sure at what degree I have Social Phobia, if I am one of the one who have it really bad, or maybe more minor, though to me it does not feel minor at all, but I am not sure to the extent that this phobia goes.
I was able to get through high school, though I was lucky enough to be able to control certain things to avoid having to do too many presentations and such, like being absent on those days, or working my schedule to my friends so that I had some back-up, as when im with my close friends I do not feel half as bad. But now I am graduated, and I do not know how to move on, the next steps in life are far too boggling to me at the moment, and when I try to make myself do them, I fall apart, become depressed to a very dangerous level and I fail.
I do not know what to do...I live with my mother who is a single parent, we barally make it as is, I couldn't afford treatment even if I was able to force myself to do it. My family also wouldnt believe me if I told them I had this...my family likes to believe im the perfect one, im almost the only one to have graduated in my family, and everyone expects high things of me and yet I cannot do what is expected, I can almost not even leave the house anymore.
Here are some thing I have noticed, and that I believe indicate that I am indeed suffering from Social Phobia.
1. Immense fear of social situations, from even simply being introduced, to having to give presentations, to just getting the mail and having to say hi to anyone else doing so.
2. I had only 1 friend growing up until I was 14 and my parents divorced, we stopped talking and I found trying to make new friends almost impossible, if it weren't for a VERY few, 1-3 nice people I came across, I probably would not have made any.
3. I cling to the friends I have, because im afraid they will leave me, and I also have a hard time trusting them, I often feel that they are talking bad about me, or secretly dont like me, and it often ends up in me making a fool out of myself by asking them if they really do want to be my friend, too often.
4. I always feel that I am boring, why would anyone want to go anywhere or do anything with me, even with my closest friends, so I usually avoid doing anything with them cause I feel so out of place and I stress that I am making them miserable.
5. I stress really bad if I am invited to go to my friends house, cause that usually results in meeting their parents or anyone else, and I know I am going to make an idiot of myself, or brake something of theirs, or do something to embarrass myself.
6. I have absolutely no confidence in myself, before I begin anything I already know im going to fail it. In school I tried to never answer questions out loud, I was always certain I was wrong, though half the time when the right answer was given, it was the answer I was going to give..and I always would beat myself up about being to scared to answer. I also let others push me around and treat me disrespectfully because I dont know how to defend myself, and usually when I do it gets turned around to make me look bad, and I back down.
7. I often get in trouble with my family for not answering the phone or the door, I just cant..sometimes I lock myself in my room and cant stop crying cause I cant make myself do it and I know I should, but Im just too afraid.
8. I think I also might be suffering from some sort of paranoia, or maybe this is from Social Phobia, im not sure. But I often feel terrified of things that are not even there. Like trying to go to the bathroom at night when every ones asleep and its dark, or just being alone in general, I often have day dreams that someones trying to brake in. Before I go to bed every night I check under my sheets, under my bed, and in my closet or I cant sleep, and I have to have sufficient lighting in my room.
9. I am suffering from depression badly, from Social phobia for the most part. For the last couple years I was to the point of suicidal thoughts, even to the point of holding a knife to my wrist and trying to will myself to do it. I dont usually think like that anymore, but I am still very depressed, which has also caused me to gain weight, leading to even more self-esteem loss.
10. When my parents divorced it threw me into some pretty hard traumatic things, like having to talk to a child lawyer.or guardian adlitem, or whatever they are called, not to mention everything else. I was also home schooled until that time, when they divorced I was thrown into public school, 9th grade. I feel as if I am stuck at that age, that I am dead and just floating through time unable to cope with what I need to, I cant remember things from day to day, I do not plan ahead, I just live in the moment, not caring about it at all because no matter what I do I know I will fail, I know I will hide and that I cant handle anything, and so all i can do is shut down and pray somehow something will change to make it so I can make it another few years without giving up.
I dont know what to do, is there anyone else that has many or all of these things? How have you been dealing with it all?
I was able to get through high school, though I was lucky enough to be able to control certain things to avoid having to do too many presentations and such, like being absent on those days, or working my schedule to my friends so that I had some back-up, as when im with my close friends I do not feel half as bad. But now I am graduated, and I do not know how to move on, the next steps in life are far too boggling to me at the moment, and when I try to make myself do them, I fall apart, become depressed to a very dangerous level and I fail.
I do not know what to do...I live with my mother who is a single parent, we barally make it as is, I couldn't afford treatment even if I was able to force myself to do it. My family also wouldnt believe me if I told them I had this...my family likes to believe im the perfect one, im almost the only one to have graduated in my family, and everyone expects high things of me and yet I cannot do what is expected, I can almost not even leave the house anymore.
Here are some thing I have noticed, and that I believe indicate that I am indeed suffering from Social Phobia.
1. Immense fear of social situations, from even simply being introduced, to having to give presentations, to just getting the mail and having to say hi to anyone else doing so.
2. I had only 1 friend growing up until I was 14 and my parents divorced, we stopped talking and I found trying to make new friends almost impossible, if it weren't for a VERY few, 1-3 nice people I came across, I probably would not have made any.
3. I cling to the friends I have, because im afraid they will leave me, and I also have a hard time trusting them, I often feel that they are talking bad about me, or secretly dont like me, and it often ends up in me making a fool out of myself by asking them if they really do want to be my friend, too often.
4. I always feel that I am boring, why would anyone want to go anywhere or do anything with me, even with my closest friends, so I usually avoid doing anything with them cause I feel so out of place and I stress that I am making them miserable.
5. I stress really bad if I am invited to go to my friends house, cause that usually results in meeting their parents or anyone else, and I know I am going to make an idiot of myself, or brake something of theirs, or do something to embarrass myself.
6. I have absolutely no confidence in myself, before I begin anything I already know im going to fail it. In school I tried to never answer questions out loud, I was always certain I was wrong, though half the time when the right answer was given, it was the answer I was going to give..and I always would beat myself up about being to scared to answer. I also let others push me around and treat me disrespectfully because I dont know how to defend myself, and usually when I do it gets turned around to make me look bad, and I back down.
7. I often get in trouble with my family for not answering the phone or the door, I just cant..sometimes I lock myself in my room and cant stop crying cause I cant make myself do it and I know I should, but Im just too afraid.
8. I think I also might be suffering from some sort of paranoia, or maybe this is from Social Phobia, im not sure. But I often feel terrified of things that are not even there. Like trying to go to the bathroom at night when every ones asleep and its dark, or just being alone in general, I often have day dreams that someones trying to brake in. Before I go to bed every night I check under my sheets, under my bed, and in my closet or I cant sleep, and I have to have sufficient lighting in my room.
9. I am suffering from depression badly, from Social phobia for the most part. For the last couple years I was to the point of suicidal thoughts, even to the point of holding a knife to my wrist and trying to will myself to do it. I dont usually think like that anymore, but I am still very depressed, which has also caused me to gain weight, leading to even more self-esteem loss.
10. When my parents divorced it threw me into some pretty hard traumatic things, like having to talk to a child lawyer.or guardian adlitem, or whatever they are called, not to mention everything else. I was also home schooled until that time, when they divorced I was thrown into public school, 9th grade. I feel as if I am stuck at that age, that I am dead and just floating through time unable to cope with what I need to, I cant remember things from day to day, I do not plan ahead, I just live in the moment, not caring about it at all because no matter what I do I know I will fail, I know I will hide and that I cant handle anything, and so all i can do is shut down and pray somehow something will change to make it so I can make it another few years without giving up.
I dont know what to do, is there anyone else that has many or all of these things? How have you been dealing with it all?
