Momiji436 said:
I feel like I have a problem with letting go of anyone I have ever met. An example, one time I was talking to a friend who threatened to kill his self if I didn't call him, I was hurt so I blocked him because I didn't want a guilt trip. 8 months pass and I have overwhelming guilt from blocking him. when I unblock him...he's not on. I talk to his friends and none of them have even heard from him in 3 months, which killed me, because the thoughts of what he may have done is eating me alive, making it hard for me to sleep. I just don't get it though...someone who I once hated is now the person I'm looking for.....but, Back to my question, does anyone else have the same problem? or am I alone in this one?
You avoided him, because you didn't want to go on a guilt trip; yet are now feeling guillty for avoiding it. You may feel you could have done something to help him - like talk to him.
Do you see that you would have been guilty either way. It is very hard when people we know want to commit suicide or do something we know is very wrong for them. The best we can do is try and dissuade them, but if they do not listen, it is not your fault. In the end, it is their choice anyway.
Perhaps you should not have blocked him back then, especially when he was crying out for help. But, it is also true, that he was making demands of your companionship and emotionally blackmailing you. It was not fair on you and you had every right to end that relationship.
If you had given in to this demands, who is to say that was going to stop him from commiting suicide and it would have put you in a very awkward and emotionally draining relationship. You made the right choice for yourself.
If you feel you must still look for this person, then continue to do, but do it without being compelled by your guilt. You've got nothing to be guilty about.