point of view

[thewildsucker]

i need a different point of view now, it looks like mine slants to watch the same old context of distress and frustrations.

i'm 22 and victim of my very own mind. it's keen and "fast-processing" but this leads me to focus on my flaws and failures (and some would say they are not flaws nor failures).

since i was a child i've been told i'm very smart and skilled and maybe that litany led me to have a pretty stinging pride, without resulting into self esteem (too smart or wise for my age, felt a misfit) or conceit (so people never found me unpleasant).

tho, the result is that i feel i'm only useful, without the chance of receiving that sort of affection other people have for their friends or lovers.

apart from some minor discrimination i'd suffered in high school (metal music and attire is only for satan worshippers here in my hometown) i've always enjoyed spending my time on my own and thinking about life and philosophy.

and this placed me in the situation i am now. maybe i have plenty of good traits, but my not-so-good-after-all mind is telling me i completely suck because i didn't have girls or important friends like my other acquaintances had and have.

i obsess about these things, my inner self is always whispering i'm half a man and that the hermit life would suit me better, but i know that's just my fear of not being able to reach my goals that is pulling me down!

i fight tooth and nail againt this but it's a wearing struggle and i need to end it, because often it prevents me from being serene, going out with friends, or approaching girls and even feeling comfortable around people.

the final evidences that i'm just obsessed are:

- i don't like one night stands, i had a gf and had my chance with a couple of other girls, i just had less girls cause i'm not the kind of guy superficial girls like and also i'm the first one to prefer a relation based on emotions and not just sex. despite all of this i obess about that.

- given the chance, i managed to befriend both guys and girls and have some close friends, plus a very close one. but i still obsess that noone will like me (i'll have to move abroad for work and to find a decent place to live) and that i'm just a useful tool, promptly thrown away when no more needed.

- i do realize many simple truths/ facts about life, and end up being a reliable person to talk to and my opinion is respected. in the end i always get stuck thinking how other people's life look shiny and flawless and that my insight has hindered, hinders and will hinder my chances of getting what normal people can get because they are... normal.

furthermore my closest friend is sort of like me but he has whatever i feel like is missing in my life and my usual clever mind says... suuuuuuckaaaaaa.

anyone got tips? anyone faced something similar and got out of this?

old habits die hard, but i've already done lot of work and i know i can stop this and just start to be a slightly more insightful person.

i mean not everyone prefers shallow people in this world ain't it?




side note: no i don't have a know-it-all attitude, no i don't blabber costantly about philosophy, yes i can crack jokes, yes i have plenty of hobbies and interests.

 

[BlackPuma]

Hi, WildSucker. Welcome to the forum.

First and foremost I'd say figure out what the toxic elements are that got you to the mental condition where you are today, and whether they're still around to pull you back.

It's one thing to change your perspective, it's another to keep it in the long run. Relapses to negative and pessimistic thinking happen, and that is, in my personal experience anyway, due to the same negative influences that got me here.

When you know concretely what and why, it's easier to resist slipping back when you're tempted to do so.

There's unfortunately no real advice that's going to make a big difference, just a lot of small advice that'll allow you to grow less negative and critical over time. Getting over social anxiety isn't so much a fix as it is a lifestyle of its own. Nip the negative thoughts in the butt when they happen, and remind yourself that logically and objectively, nobody's life is as perfect as it seems, and even when they confide in you, there's always information that is left behind. Either because they don't want to share it, or because they feel it's not as significant, ect.

Also know they do not represent the norm of all people. It's a isolated social circle that is a product of your (digital and/or IRL) environment. The world is a big place, no matter how different you are from them, there's thousands and thousands more like you. You are bound to fall into one set of norms sooner or later. I find that rather comforting, albeit slightly boring, when I feel out of place.

Anyway, I hope you'll stay around for a while. If you're committed to change, I'm sure you'll find this site helpful.

 

[thewildsucker]

thank you black, it is indeed the long run that really put to test my resolution

fortunately relapses are happening less frequently but they are quite intense too

essentially is the real life comparison with my friends and acquaintances that pushes me back in a bad mood, maybe i will eventually fall in the norm as you say but until i'll be there i've the feeling that i will costantly fall down in my loop of thoughts.

still, i'm very motivated about getting out of this. sometimes i talked to other people about this and they looked surprised to hear that and this is a positive thing i guess.

i'm not really sure about negative influences, i can only think of my habit of comparing other's people achievements (and never failures) to mine.