please read this

Anonymous

Anonymous

Well-known member
Hi, I thought I'd post. I'm 17 and female. Um, I'm worried that I have this social anxiety thing. Or at least -something- is wrong with me. Please please read what I write and respond with your thoughts on if anythings wrong with me.

I always think people are watching me when I'm outside, even if I can't see anyone. I'm very aware of my appearance. And when I'm in the house I close all the curtains and check them to make sure nobody can see in before I feel comfortable.
And I don't go out very much. last time was 2 weeks ago, and before that I didn't leave the house for about a month and a half. (I don't go to school or work)
I only feel comfortable and happy when I'm in my room alone.
Although I sometimes think people are filming me inside my house. (paranoia?) I feel unhappy alot and think about death often.
When I went to school I usually wouldn't actually go(I would pretend I was ill) because I felt too worried, and it took alot of 'preparing' myself mentally to go. I wouldn't be able to leave the house until lunchtime sometimes.
that was a year ago.
When I left school I decided to leave my friends at the same time, and ignore contact from them etc.
My usual behaviour with people is to stand there very awkwardly and aware of myself, and at parties I would sit in the corner. I used to get very easily offended and take everything said to me literally. I think about things I've said and done alot afterwards.
When I went out 2 weeks ago, because I have a bright hair color and stuff, I got comments and stares, and I felt really unconfident and I had a panic attack in the car for 15 minutes because I didnt want to go out again.
The next thing I think is the oddest behaviour from me, I don't like my father(no real reason) and I always stayed in my room when his girfriend was visiting. I still saw and talked to him and sat downstairs with him. Then I just ..carried on staying in my room, and now I only talk to him through the door, and I only leave my room when he isn't home or asleep. It's not that I'm scared of him or anything, I've just been doing it for so long now I can't get back into comunicating normally with him. The only person I talk to face to face is my sibling, and strangers in shops to say thank you or whatever.
My mother is a wierdo too, she is very paranoid and thinks really vague things in newpapers or on tv are about her. She literally lives in a house alone speaking to nobody(uh..like me then); I havent seen her for about 8 months. So if I DO have something wrong with me, it would be inherited from her.

I've always been really shy/low-confidence and if someone tells me its just extreme shyness I will feel alot better.
 
Anonymous

Anonymous

Well-known member
Hello Ebony,
Im glad you posted. Well, from what you have written, it sounds to me as if you have a social anxiety disorder along with some other problems as well. If you are not seeing a therapist, I would advise that you do. I too, feel the same way as you do. I stopped going to school about two months ago because the fear, anxiety, and panic attacks just got so extreme I couldn't deal with it anymore. I now rarely go out of my house. I too, have also cut off contact with mostly all of my friends except my best friend. All day I just sit in my room and watch tv, listen to music, on go on the internet. I just want to let you know that you are not alone, and that there are lots of other people out there who are going through the same thing that you are, and hopefully with confidence and treatment we can all overcome our problems and function normally in the real world.

James
 
neddy

neddy

Well-known member
Hi Ebony,

Don't worry you are not alone. I have been living in isolation for many years, I never open my curtains either as I don't wont people looking inside. I don't spend much time at home as I work alot of hours and towards the end of the week my unit gets a little messy. I only get 1 day a week off and that is the only day that the housework gets done.

Before I left home and moved out on my own I used to spend alot of time in my bedroom which really upset my mum as she used to think she was the reason why I used to shut myself away. I used to be in the lounge watching tv, the minute someone used to come and visit I used to retreat to my bedroom very quickly.

I wouldn't worry too much about what other people think about you. I am very overweight but use my weight to help make me invisible (so that people don't come near me). I'm at the stage now where I am feeling very self conscious about my weight and want to lose it now but it isnt easy when you work long hours like I do. I isolate myself more now as I think everyone is looking at my weight and thinking how disgusting but if they can't accept me for the way I am then that is there problem not mine. I tend to go shopping either very late at night or at 6am when the shop opens as there aren't very many people around then. Don't worry about other people, walk around with a big smile on your face and make them wonder what you have been up too, quite often you will be amased at how many people smile back at you.

I would say you have defintaley got a social phobia and maybe are really shy with low self esteem. I used to be very paranoid and think that people are talking about me all the time and if someone laughs and I hear them I automatically think they are laughing at me, but in reality I don't think they are.

Try not to shut yourself away like you do as you will find maybe 10 years down the track that you can no longer bring yourself to be around other people and you are really out of touch with people, like you seriously lack conversation skills and shake like a leaf and wish you were invisible and that no one could see you and no one would want to talk to you. I know I have been there and I can tell you how depressing it is, I was very suicidal and felt like a failure and couldn't understand why I was the way I was, why I had no friends, why I was so scared of people, it even got to the stage where I was unable to answer the door bell and each time the phone rang I used to shake uncontrobally and my heart used to race. Why was I so scared of the telphone, the person on the other end couldn't see me. The more you isolate yourself the worse it will become.

The day when come when you have had enough, if you can try to see a counsellor or go to your DR and explain to them how you feel, if you feel you are unable too take a close friend along or a brother/sister for support. Try to do a course where you are able to work on rebuilding your self esteem and overcoming your social phobia in little baby steps.

The only way to overcome this thing is to face it head on and face your fears. It is very hard to do at first but well worth the effort. What it comes down too in the end is do you want to live your life the way it is now or do you want to overcome this and be like normal everyday people, living a healthy and happy life. The only person who can change you is yourself, no one else can do it for you.

Sorry for waffling on abit but I have been where you are now and know how you feel and in the end you will end up a very unhappy and lonely person.
 
MarCPatt

MarCPatt

Well-known member
I agree

I couldn't have said it better myself. You are young and at a point in your life where you can make a lot of positive steps towards improving yourself. Ask for help, do not wait any longer. Nowadys there are cures for almost everything.
 
Anonymous

Anonymous

Well-known member
Thank you very very much for your responses:)

So I do have social phobia? I don't think I could go to therapy or anything... I'm convincing myself I'm just very shy. Because I don't shake when writing in public and some of the examples I read on sites. But then your replies and other examples I've read sound so much like me...I don't know. I think I will have to just make myself go out and try and be more confident etc.
Although if I do have this, then it's a bit of a relief to put a label on it, rather than just thinking I'm a freak.
Thank you again.
 
E

ebony

New member
This original post is by me. it was June 2004, I was in a very hot room in front of my computer with my MP3 cds burning and refreshing the same few pages every few hours to see if there were any updates. I thought I was fat even though I was just normal weight and I was terrified of going outside. Still I am a bit lazy and drag myself outside but now I really enjoy and love going outside. I don't relate to any of this post at all and 6 years later I just want to say, if you make BIG CHANGES, then there is hope and you can get over your social anxiety.

Now I work in a job where I spend hours a day meeting hundreds of people and chatting and grinning away at them. I'm a confident normal girl, I am happy with how I look and I don't think people are thinking about me (although to be honest sometimes people are looking at you, thery are prevy men:p and you have to ignore them)
I've got back in contact with my friends and made some new ones. I've moved from the country to the city and I love being around people and meeting new people. sometimes the social phobia can come from an original depression- i was depressed because I was lonely in the country. it escalated to the point i put too much importance on whether the couple of people i saw thought well of me.
anyone suffering from this, you have to do some serious thinking about which specific things got you down originally. years back. and then change them.
if you make those changes, and they are big ones and it will be the best day of your life when you make them, you'll see EVENTUALLY your life will turn around and you'll be back to the happy lovely person you were back when everything was good. it took a long time- i got braver and braver by a few things that you can try.

first i just went out a lot. after i moved to the city i went out around once a week to watch bands, on my own- but you're not alone because you're in a big crowd. nobody is looking at you because they're looking at the great person on the stage. so after going out maybe a hundred times I was feeling much more confident.

if you go out enough you will get some attention from the opposite sex- do it enough it gets to the point where you're like 'oh, not again'. this is a normalising point.

next thing is conquering your fears, however small they may seem. I was scared to talk on the phone and just calling up this guy, a guy i had barely spoken to before and chatting to him for an hour conquered my fear. then you see nobody is thinking about your voice, or what you are saying, they just want someone to talk to.

and this may be a bit dodgy but one of my points of contention- and where i was lacking in confidence- was i (whisper) had hardly any sexual experience to be going with and all of that was from years ago. to be honest i didn't even consider that i hadn't done much till i got to about 20. but eventually i convinced 2 guys i barely knew, and i slept with those two guys within days of each other, the next week i pulled a very fit guy on the tube and went to his house and kissed him.
awful, slutty, but that made me realise it wasn't a big deal at all, it's just natural and would be very special with the right person- a boyfriend. i haven't got one yet but having a relationship is a very nice sweet thing and that is where the sex whould be. if you don't have enough experience, don't be scared and just try and make lots of friends and eventually one of them will be the guy or girl for you. and they, like i will say later, are just glad for the attention.

the most important, and easy thing to do is to have a little smile on your face. just like you'd heard some good news or done some good shopping. it brings your face up and makes you seem positive- then people's reactions will be positive.
second thing is just to blah blah blah away to everyone. nobody is judging what you are saying, they are just glad to have someone to chat to. then they can blah blah blah to you about whatever silly thing they want. if you get a negative reaction then that person is just grumpy and it is no reflection on you.

please everyone have hope that you can return to your normal life, but you have to make efforts, over years, to get back to where you left off.

oh and also i became an internet addict somewhere in that six years but getting a job sorted that out!:p so I think a job is a massive help in keeping us busy where we'd be doing something less useful and productive. jobs can definitely be fun, if it isn't then consider some variation on what you do.
thank you anyone who is reading and I hope like me you drag yourself back to normality- and know it isn't your fault, eventually you will be able to pinpoint the person who sort of...ruined your life and sent you on this bad track. they did the wrong thing but you can overcome it.
 
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