reassure_me
New member
I have had OCD since I was a child, started out with washing my hands obsessively and fearing germs, then for a couple of years it was fear of having HIV and thinking I had that, and now it seems to be just intrusive, guilt-inducing thoughts that lead to me being unbearably honest with my boyfriend. I have told him which other guys I have found attractive, for instance, because I feel like if I didn't tell him, I would be keeping something from him. Anyway, last year there was someone at my work that I found attractive, he had a good personality and we had similar interests. My boyfriend has an even better personality and I have more in common with him, plus he is more physically attractive. But for some reason all of that does not seem to matter because I feel SO guilty for being attracted to this other person briefly and daydreaming about him. It is important to mention that this was during a rough patch in my relationship with my boyfriend in which I thought he was cheating on me, but he wasn't, we just weren't communicating well. So anyway, now, months later, I'm so happy with my boyfriend and everything is going so well, but I feel bogged down by remembering that I thought about this other guy for awhile. The thing that is really playing into my OCD is wondering, "What if the opportunity had presented itself and I had done something I would later regret?" The thought paralyzes me with fear and guilt. I know nothing happened but I still feel like I shouldn't have been having those thoughts when I was in a committed relationship that had just hit a bump in the road. I don't want to tell my boyfriend this whole sordid tale because I think it would hurt his feelings and needlessly mess things up. I am totally over thinking about this other person now that my relationship is back on track, yet I still feel guilty about being in that mindset. Please help!!! I need input.
