Phone fears?

[Carolina2]

Hey, guys. This is my first post. But I'm a 28-year-old man, and I finally have realized that I might have SAD. I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me for a while, so I can finally get the life I want as I realize as I grow older that a lot of my feelings and behaviors aren't only not rational, but that they aren't just a sign of weakness.

Anyway, what finally tipped me off for good was my unrelenting fear of talking on the phone in front of people. Does anyone else deal with this? My boss will say, "Can you give such and such a call?" It seems like a simple task, but it hurls me into overwhelming anxiety.

Even when I'm alone, I often feel horribly anxious about calling people. I feel like I'm bothering them. And I am scared to death of those awkward moments when they seem confused about what my purpose in calling is.

Anyway, I have a lot of friends and so forth, but am just starting to come to grips that I have social anxiety disorder. Does anyone else deal with the phone issues?

I also hate reading in front of others, or sharing what I'm listening to or watching in private with loved ones. It's liek I'm embarrassed, with no need to be.

 

[Snowcrash]

Does anyone else deal with the phone issues?

This is totally one of my worst issues. As such I don't have a lot of good advice. But I know exactly what you mean. I am actually procrastinating calling someone right now about my plans tonight.

I think for me the anxiety comes from all the unknowns about a call. For example, at work our phones have an "in-house" ring and and "outside call" ring. As much as I hate whenever the damn phone rings, as soon as I hear that "outside call" ring my anxiety just skyrockets. I have kind of a weird job so when people call in it might be about all sorts of crazy things.

Compare this to e-mail where I know exactly who I am writing, exactly why, I can edit my mistakes, take my time to think. Not many surprises... I like it!

 

[heymikey]

This used to be my biggest problem. Several years ago, just hearing the phone ring would make me anxious. Making a phone call was even worse.

There was this one scenario that made me feel disgusted about it and made me want to change. One day, the phone rings and it was a telemarketer that was selling vacations to Florida. Well, I couldn't say no because I thought that was rude and I was worried about what they would think of me if I turned them down. Anyway, I kept going along listening to what they're saying and agreeing to everything. They even made me give out my credit card number (very stupid of me) and I ended up having about $600 charged to my card. I felt so disgusted with myself, but it's a good thing that they're legit and not a scam so after several days of preparing myself, I finally got the courage to call them up and ask for a refund, which I got.

Plus, I did get some practice talking to people on the phone at my job so I got used to it. Gradually, my negative self-talk regarding talking on the phone disappeared. I have to admit, I'm quite comfortable talking to people on the phone now and the anxiety is way less than before.

 

[kiwi]

It's not a major problem for me per se, but sometimes I have a bit of anxiety when I have to make a phone call, especially if it's in the office and other people can hear.

For me the main issue is knowing what to say, especially if it's not a straight forward call and requires a bit of explanation on my part. I usually end up planning in my head exactly what I will say, but usually that only helps for the start of the conversation. And even if I do know what to say, I can still feel self-conscious if other people can hear what I'm saying, which often happens in our office because it's open plan and very quiet. I try and wait till someone else is on the phone or talking before I make my call, so that I'm not the only one talking!

 

[Snowcrash]

For me the main issue is knowing what to say, especially if it's not a straight forward call and requires a bit of explanation on my part. I usually end up planning in my head exactly what I will say, but usually that only helps for the start of the conversation. And even if I do know what to say, I can still feel self-conscious if other people can hear what I'm saying

Ditto Ditto.

I end up making calls when other people in my shared office space are at lunch. (Luckily I usually don't have to make that many calls)

And I totally rehearse in my head how I am going to start off a call.

 

[loriingram]

I've always had a fear of the phone even when I was a kid. actualy when I was young and it would ring I would try to stay as quiet as posible untill it stoped becouse I thought that the person who was calling could hear me if I made a sound and then they would be mad at me. Nowdays its very rear for me to make a call and if I do I usualy have to be in a room by myself and I wait as long as posible before I call whoever it is. I wount awnser the phone at work and I prefer not to awnser our phone but thats the good thing about caller ID. If its someone I know like my mother I'm fine but most people I'd just let it go to the voice mail unless my husbands around.

 

[Carolina2]

It's not a major problem for me per se, but sometimes I have a bit of anxiety when I have to make a phone call, especially if it's in the office and other people can hear.

For me the main issue is knowing what to say, especially if it's not a straight forward call and requires a bit of explanation on my part. I usually end up planning in my head exactly what I will say, but usually that only helps for the start of the conversation. And even if I do know what to say, I can still feel self-conscious if other people can hear what I'm saying, which often happens in our office because it's open plan and very quiet. I try and wait till someone else is on the phone or talking before I make my call, so that I'm not the only one talking!

This post makes me feel like I'm reading about ME. Seriously. I'm the same way in the office -- if other people can hear, that's like double anxiety because I have to deal with the anxiety of the phone call itself and talking to the person on the other end, AND I have to worry about being evaluated by the people around me that I work with.

I just hate having to call people and offer an explanation of why I'm calling, etc., etc. I usually just blurt it all out right off the bat -- I feel horrible wasting people's time with small talk. And I feel totally awkward if I feel like I can tell that they're thinking, "OK, what's your point?" It gets tough for me, because I'm a sports writer, and I have to make a lot of calls like that and I'm supposed to put people at ease. Instead, I think I can't develop the relationships I should because people think I'm just calling because I want something instead of trying to get to know them.

 

[UnReal]

I used to be pretty apprehensive about talking to strangers on the phone a few years back. But then I got a part time student job doing tech support where I had to talk to like 50 strangers everday. So that took care of THAT problem, although I still get kinda uneasy on the phone if there are gaps in conversation. Prolly just me tho, people I've mentioned this to say that theres nothing wrong with these gaps :?:

 

[justsomebloke25]

I used to hate making phone calls but I have had to do it so much for my job that I think i'm almost over it. I still plan how to start the conversation and worry a bit when I know others can hear me but I'm not too bad now..............in fact I've just realised that today I picked up the phone with someone just next to me and made a call without even thinking about it so yay for me

 

[paladin]

I feel the same, I have more anxiety talking by phone than directly to the same person and also think that I am going to disturb him/her when I call. When you are seeing the person you can see if hi is busy or not and go to talk to him in the best moment.